- [Mr. Stimpston is looking for a tractor]
- Ivan with the Tractor: Hey, guess what I'm sitting on!
- Brian Stimpson: A bomb, I hope!
- [walks away]
- Ivan with the Tractor: Alright then. You go that way and I'll go this way, and I'll bet you this jam tart... that I'll find a tractor first.
- [drives away on tractor]
- Brian Stimpson: [chasing the train] SPEECH! SPEECH!
- Ticket Collector: [to a passenger nearby] Funny, innit, in the thirty years I've been in this job, nobody asked me to do a speech before!
- Brian Stimpson: [ringing bell at the monastery] Oh come on please! Turn the bloody record player down for God's sake!
- Brian Stimpson: [the window opens] Now, hello, would you have a tractor would you?
- Monk: One moment.
- [opens door]
- Brian Stimpson: Now, er...
- [looks around the place]
- Brian Stimpson: Ooh dear, a monastery. I might have guessed!