Babes in Toyland (1986 TV Movie)

Jill Schoelen: Mary Piper, Mary Contrary

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Fenton : Hi. How about a quick Christmas pizza at Capone's before I drop you home.

  Mary Piper : Jack, I don't think I can eat three pizzas.

  Jack Fenton : I didn't say anything about three.

  Mary Piper : Well, I got two other offers.

  Jack Fenton : Oh, here we go again. The Delilah of the Five-and-Dime.

• Jack-be-Nimble : [Sweeping Mary up in his arms]  What do you say to a big kiss?

  Mary Contrary : Hello, big kiss.

• Jack Fenton : You look so beautiful.

  Mary Piper : For you.

• Jack Fenton : I come from...

  Jack Fenton , Lisa Piper , George , Mary Piper : [singing]  C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Cincinnati! The best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA! At first they called it Cincy, but since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Hey, the girls are really pretty in this pretty little city, the fellas are the feistiest I've seen. And when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and Bengals maul teams, they knock the socks off all teams on the green. I mean to argue's indefensible, the facts are common sensible, see Cincy is invincible, ya know what I mean? Cincy's more than merely natty, she's Ohio's Maserati, Cincinnati's at the center of the scene!

• Barnie : Hi there, beautiful. I've been watching you with the teddy bears. What do you think you're running here, a charity bazaar?

  Mary Piper : The merchandise was faulty. There was no refund. A customer took a punching bag in exchange and was quite satisfied.

  Barnie : One thing I can say for you, angel eyes, your personal merchandise is by no means faulty, but I when say, "Push the teddy bears", I mean, "*Push* the teddy bears". Clear?

  Mary Piper : I'm not a salesperson, Mr. Barnie. I'm customer service and I was doing my job.

  Barnie : Come here. Doing your job is pleasing me. Which in your case will not be difficult. You know what I mean?

  Mary Piper : No, I don't.

  Barnie : You know, for a smart-looking girl, you're really pretty dumb. Don't you know it's better business to be nice to the boss than to some pretty stock boy with his fingers in the tail?

  Lisa Piper : Don't you talk to Mary like that!

  Barnie : [sees Lisa]  What the heck is that?

  Mary Piper : That's my sister and she's absolutely right. Mr. Barnie, I suggest that you keep your smutty thoughts to yourself and stop making cheap accusations about a nice guy like Jack Fenton!

  Barnie : Oh, yeah? Well, with your attitude, you could be out of here real quick, you know that?

  Mary Piper : With your attitude, I could be out of here right now! There's a blizzard out there, it's Christmas Eve, but I'm gonna take my baby sister home.

  Lisa Piper : Mary!

  Mary Piper : I know. I know. You're not a baby, you're eleven years old. And if you have any conscience, which I know that you don't, you would advise all of your customers to get out of here while there's still time! Come on, Lisa. Let's go find Jack.

  Barnie : How do you like that? You ruin my biggest one-day take of the year. What are you, crazy?

• Mary Piper : [gives Lisa a Mountain Master]  Congratulations, Miss Piper, winning the "Sister of the Year" award.

  Lisa Piper : Oh, Mary. A Mountain Master. They're the best and so are you!

  Barnie : [sees Lisa holding the Mountain Master after Mary gives it to her]  Put that back, you little creep. That's stolen property!

  Lisa Piper : It costs exactly half of the salary that you own me, Mr. Barnie.

  Barnie : Well, you can sue me for the other half!

  Mary Piper : Come on, Lisa.

  [She and Lisa leave the toy store] 

  Barnie : And you two. The two of you? You can sue me too!

  George : That's just what we'll do. Merry Christmas.

  Jack Fenton : Merry Christmas.

  [They both pull down a net above him before leaving, and a pile of toys and balls fall on top of Barnie] 

• Lisa Piper : [takes out a microphone and uses it to get the customers attention]  Uh, excuse me, everybody. I just heard on tv there's gonna be a major snowstorm hitting Cincinnati any minute! It's Christmas Eve. You should all go home while you still can!

  Barnie : [sees Lisa holding the microphone and takes it from her]  Give me that! Give me that, you midget monster! There's nothing to worry about, folks. It's actually just a false alarm. Please, come on, now. It's just a little snow. I mean, what do you expect? It's Christmas!

  [uses the microphone to sing a song] 

  Barnie : Christmas time is snow time and no time it'll be Christmas again.

  Mary Piper : [gives Lisa a Mountain Master]  Congratulations, Miss Piper, on winning the "Sister of the Year" award.

  Lisa Piper : Oh, Mary. A Mountain Master. They're the best and so are you!

  Barnie : [sees Lisa holding the Mountain Master after Mary gives it to her]  Put that back, you little creep. That's stolen property!

  Mary Piper : It costs exactly half of the salary that you own me, Mr. Barnie.

  Barnie : Well, you can sue me for the other half!

  Mary Piper : Come on, Lisa.

  [She and Lisa leave the toy store] 

  Barnie : And you two. The two of you? You can sue me too!

  George : That's just what we'll do. Merry Christmas.

  Jack Fenton : Merry Christmas.

  [They both pull down a net above him before leaving, and a pile of toys and balls fall on top of Barnie] 

• Mary Piper : Lisa, do you really like the sled? I mean, you weren't just putting on an act back in the store, were you?

  Lisa Piper : No. This is gonna be the best Christmas in the history of the world.

  George : Right here in Cincinnati.

  Jack Fenton : Welcome to glorious Cincinnati! Queen of Ohio's pal-pine ski-ing resorts! I come from...

  Mary Piper , Lisa Piper , George , Jack Fenton : [singing]  C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Cincinnati! The best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA! At first they called it Cincy, but since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Hey, the girls are really pretty in this pretty little city, the fellas are the feistiest I've seen. And when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and Bengals maul teams, they knock the socks off all teams on the green. I mean to argue's indefensible, the facts are common sensible, see Cincy is invincible, ya know what I mean? Cincy's more than merely natty, she's Ohio's Maserati, Cincinnati's at the center of the scene!

• Barnie : Doing your job is pleasing me. Which in your case will not be difficult. You know what I mean?

  Mary Piper : No, I don't.

  Barnie : You know, for a smart-looking girl, you're really pretty dumb. Don't you know it's better business to be nice to the boss than to some pretty stock boy with his fingers in the tail?

  Lisa Piper : Don't you talk to Mary like that!

  Barnie : [sees Lisa]  What the heck is that?

  Mary Piper : That's my sister and she's absolutely right. Mr. Barnie, I suggest that you keep your smarty thoughts to yourself and stop making cheap accusations about a nice guy like Jack Fenton!

• Barnie : Oh, yeah? Well, with your attitude, you could be out of here right quick! You know that?

  Mary Piper : With your attitude, I could be out of here right now! There's a blizzard out there, it's Christmas Eve, but I'm gonna take my baby sister home.

  Lisa Piper : Mary!

  Mary Piper : I know. I know you're not a baby, you're eleven years old. And if you have any accumizations, which I know that you don't, you would advise all of your customers to get out of here while there's still time! Come on, Lisa. Let's go find Jack.

  Barnie : How do you like that? You ruin my biggest one-day take of the year. What are you, crazy?

• Mary Contrary : Justice Grimm, you're making a big mistake!

  Lisa Piper : You're really locking up the wrong person.

  Georgie Porgie : Just what exactly are the charges?

  Justice Grimm : Suspicion of grand cookie larceny.