James Karen: Frank
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Quotes
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Burt Wilson : I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it'd die!
Frank : It worked in the movie!
Burt Wilson : Well, it ain't working now, Frank!
Freddy : You mean the movie lied?
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[Frank shows Freddy a military drum with a dead zombie inside]
Freddy : Oh shit, look at that! You say that thing was alive?
Frank : So they say.
Freddy : Oh god. Hey, these things don't leak, do they?
Frank : Leak? Hell no. These things were made by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
[Frank slaps the drum and gas starts leaking]
Frank : Oh fuck!
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Burt Wilson : If that is a re-animated body, we're gonna have to kill it.
Freddy : How do you kill something that's already dead?
Burt Wilson : How do I know, Fred? Let me think!
Frank : It's not a bad question, Burt.
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Freddy : Frank?
Frank : Yeah, kid?
Freddy : What's the weirdest thing you ever saw in here?
Frank : Oh, kid, I have seen weird things come and I have seen weird things go. But the weirdest thing I ever saw just had to cap it all.
Freddy : Oh, yeah? What's that?
Frank : Let me ask you a question, kid. Did you see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy : Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? Sure. Wh-what about it?
Frank : Did you know that movie was based on a true case?
Freddy : Come on, you're shitting me, right?
Frank : [raises right hand] I've never been more serious in my life.
Freddy : That's not possible. I mean, they showed zombies taking over the world.
Frank : They changed it all around. What really happened was back in 1969, in Pittsburgh, at the V.A. hospital, there was a chemical spill and all that stuff kinda leaked down into the morgue and it made all the dead bodies kinda jump around as though it was alive.
Freddy : What chemical?
Frank : 2-4-5 Trioxin, it's called. It was to kinda spray on marijuana or something. And the Darrow Chemical Company was trying to develop it for the Army. And they told the guy who made the movie that if he told the true story, they'd just sue his ass off. So he changed all the facts around.
Freddy : So what really happened?
Frank : Well, they closed it all down, see, and the Army shipped all that contaminated dirt and all those dead bodies out. And they kept it a secret.
Freddy : So how come you know about it?
Frank : A typical Army fuck up. The Transportation Department got the orders crossed, and they shipped those bodies here instead of to the Darrow Chemical Company.
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Burt Wilson : One question, Frank: this guy screaming in here... you're sure he's a dead cadaver?
Frank : Why don't you open the door and find out!
Burt Wilson : [hesitates] Uh... no, that's allright Frank, I'll take your word for that.
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Burt Wilson : You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I always told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?
Frank : What are we gonna do, Burt?
Burt Wilson : I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous, Frank. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm gonna do!
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Frank : Let me ask you a question, kid: did you ever see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy : Yeah, yeah, yeah - that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? What about it?
Frank : Did you know that story was based on a true case?
Freddy : [chuckles] Aw, c'mon, you're shitting me, right?
Frank : I ain't never been more serious in my life.
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Frank : Some big favor. I can operate that goddamn thing.
