The Golden Girls (1985–1992)

Rue McClanahan: Blanche Devereaux

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Blanche : I treat my body like a temple.

  Sophia : Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

• [Blanche commenting on her brother's lifestyle] 

  Blanche : I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.

  Dorothy : You really haven't grasped the concept of this "gay thing" yet, have you, Blanche?

  Blanche : Well there must be homosexuals who date women.

  Sophia : Yeah. They're called lesbians.

• Rose : I just had a thought...

  Sophia , Dorothy , Blanche : Congratulations.

• Blanche : What was your first impression of me?

  Rose : I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.

• Sophia : Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing.

  Rose : Oh, Sophia.

  Sophia : Blanche, you're a slut.

  Blanche : Oh, Sophia.

• [on being compared to Charlie's Angels] 

  Blanche : I was once told I bore a striking resemblance to Cheryl Ladd... but my bosoms are perkier.

  Dorothy : Not even if you were hanging upside-down from a trapeze!

• Blanche : You know what I hate doing most after a party?

  Rose : Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?

• Rose : Now, I know no one wants to hear any of my stories right now...

  Dorothy : That's always a safe bet, Rose.

  Rose : ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.

  Blanche : Well, what's wrong with that?

  Rose : Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree.

• Blanche : I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.

  Dorothy : Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?

  Blanche : No, it was in the shower.

• Blanche : No, no, no please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle, then Bim Bam Boosh, won the tickets.

  Dorothy : Take a lesson Rose. That's how you tell a story.

• Blanche : Well, just tell him you have a lot of work at home.

  Rose : I don't want to lie.

  Blanche : When you get home, we'll make you clean out the garage.

  Rose : Oh thanks, I owe you big for this one.

• Blanche : This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.

  Dorothy : In what, Blanche, dog years?

• Blanche : [referring to her brother and his lover visiting]  My goodness, what would the neighbors think if they saw two men lying in my bed?

  Sophia : They'd think it's Tuesday!

• Rebecca : I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers.

  Blanche : Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT?

• Blanche : Dorothy, where's my heating pad?

  Dorothy : [laying on sofa under a blanket]  How should I know?

  Blanche : [pulling electric cord from under blanket]  If this isn't it I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.

• Blanche : Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry.

  Rose : But Blanche, you *are* crying!

  Dorothy : Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II.

  Rose : Huh?

  Dorothy : Fine. Play it cagey.

• Blanche : The Great Herring War?

  Rose : Between the Lindstroms and the Johannsens.

  Dorothy : Oh, THAT Great Herring War.

• Rose : You know, I've been thinking...

  Blanche : Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.

• [the girls are watching Dorothy and Trudy arm wrestle. Trudy wins] 

  Trudy : Well, that's that. How does it feel to have your butt whipped?

  Blanche : Well, sometimes I find it strangely titillating, but... oh. You were talking to her.

• [Blanche asks the rest of the girls if there was ever a time when a man didn't sleep with them] 

  Rose : I have a story to end all stories about when someone wouldn't sleep with me.

  Blanche : Ok Honey, but PLEASE keep it in ten words or less.

  Rose : OK. I will.

  Dorothy : Ok then Rose, let's hear it. In ten words or less, when did a man not sleep with you?

  Rose : The time I was radioactive.

• Blanche : There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.

• Blanche : [Blanche's umpteenth time saying it in the episode]  I was once arrested for that in Chattanooga.

  Dorothy : Blance, are you allowed to go back to Chattanooga?

  Blanche : Are you kidding? The sheriff still writes.

• Blanche : [after being treated like a lady by one of her dates]  I feel like I did when I was a virgin!

  Sophia : You mean the feeling isn't going to last long?

  Blanche : Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?

  Sophia : I'm just saying you're lucky Jack-&-Jill magazine didn't have a gossip column.

  Blanche : I'm not going to stand for this! Not in my own house...

  Sophia : Take it Dorothy!

  Dorothy : I bet you'll lay down for it!

• Blanche : What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?

  Sophia : It's too tight, it's too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.

  Dorothy : Yes, Blanche. It's you.

• Blanche : Girls have you ever heard of something called dirty dancing?

  Dorothy : Of course Blanche, they did it in that movie!

  Rose : What movie?

  Rose : Lawrence of Arabia, Rose.

• Blanche : Rose, you must be confused. You come to me if you have problems with a man. You go to Dorothy if there's some grammar you need help with.

  Dorothy : You ended that sentence with a dangling preposition just to bait me!

  Blanche : What would I do that for?

• Blanche : Oh, sometimes I wish she was my mother...

  [pauses] 

  Blanche : ... so i could be the one to put her in Shady Pines.

• Blanche : [Blanche explaining why she worn red at her wedding instead of white]  Oh please, it's bad enough hearing all those snickers as you walk down the aisle, but me in white, even I couldn't keep a straight face.

• Blanche : Rose, I was about to tell a story.

  Rose : Well, I wanna tell mine.

  Blanche : Dorothy?

  Dorothy : Well, this is a no-win situation... but go ahead, Blanche.

  Rose : Fine, you may never get to hear MY story.

  Dorothy : Then I'm wrong, it isn't a no-win situation.

• Game Show Host : For one hundred dollars, complete this famous phrase: "Better late than... "

  Blanche : Pregnant!

  Game Show Host : No, Blanche, that's incorrect... though not entirely untrue.

• Blanche : [to Sophia]  My mistake. I thought since you look like Yoda you were also wise.

• Blanche : I swear with God as my witness, I will never pick up another man!... in a library... on a Saturday... unless he's cute... and drives a nice car... Amen

• Rose : Oh, Blanche, if your 21st birthday was 20 years ago, you'd only be 41 years old!

  Blanche : That's right.

  Rose : Gee, you look terrible for your age.

• Dorothy : Blanche, are you sure you're pregnant?

  Blanche : I just did a home pregnancy test - it's right here.

  Rose : It looks like a perfume sample.

  Dorothy : Put it behind your ears, Rose.

• [Blanche and Dorothy are discussing Blanche's birthday gift to Rose: a detective to follow around Rose's boyfriend] 

  Blanche : Well I can't take it back, I paid in advance

  Dorothy : Can't you get a refund?

  Blanche : Well, no, I paid with nature's credit card

  Dorothy : You never leave home without it.

• Rose : I've been on the phone for a half hour and you'll never guess what happened.

  Dorothy : You realized you forgot to dial first.

  Rose : No.

  Blanche : You were holding the receiver the wrong way.

  Rose : No.

  Dorothy : You were talking into the TV remote instead of the phone.

  Rose : No.

  Blanche : A shoe?

  Rose : No, I'm not an idiot. - The TV has a remote?

• Blanche : I have writer's block. It's the worst feeling in the world.

  Sophia : Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

• Blanche : Sophia, by placing this pearl necklace between my bosoms, does it make me look like I'm a sex-starved slut who is in need of a man to bed?

  Sophia : Yes.

  Blanche : Good, then pearl it is.

• Blanche : I can't believe you said that! Oh if I weren't a lady I'd deck you.

  Dorothy : You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date.

• Sophia : Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress!

  Blanche : Why, you little...

• Blanche : Well, it's almost dinnertime! Now, what could be taking Rose so long at that job interview?

  Dorothy : Well, if she's taking that long, it's a good sign, isn't it? I mean, how much time does it take to say no?

  Sophia : What are you asking her for? She never said no in her life!

• Blanche : Oh, just shut up! Shut up, you babbling, bobble-headed, bleach blonde...

  [struggles for another word] 

  Sophia : Baboon.

  Blanche : Baboon!

  [storms out] 

  Dorothy , Rose : [stare at Sophia] 

  Sophia : She needed a 'B!'

• Blanche : I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons.

  Dorothy : Blanche.

  Blanche : Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.

• Blanche : I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.

  Dorothy : That's pretty jumpy.

• [the girls have chased away Ernie, the man who is changing their garage into a guest room] 

  Blanche : Well, we have two choices-go and beg Ernie's forgiveness, or hire another contractor.

  Sophia : Or, we could use the Sicilian method. We burn down the house, collect the fire insurance money, and move to a beautiful beachside house in California. Personally, I vote for choice three.

• Blanche : Just like my heroine, sicker and sicker...

  [to Dorothy] 

  Blanche : Of course, my heroine doesn't look like you. This is a romantic novel, not science-fiction.

  [she leaves] 

  Dorothy : Remind me when I feel better to kick the crap out of her.

• Blanche : Dorothy, this is crazy! Since when do you care how you look?

  Dorothy : I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed!

• Rose : Blanche, did you really start shaving at eleven? That seems so young!

  Blanche : Oh, I did it on a dare. You know, back where I come from, everybody thought that once you started shaving your legs, why, you'd become loose. So I shaved 'em!

  Rose : What happened?

  Blanche : Oh, it was an old wives' tale. I didn't become loose for another year and a half.

• Blanche : I'll show Mr. Vaughn around the theatre. I have the most experience.

  Dorothy : The parking lot doesn't count, Blanche!

• Blanche : Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach.

  Dorothy : Then what is it?

  Blanche : To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back.

• Blanche : Oh girls... I'm just in ecstasy. My body is tingling all over. You will never guess what just happened.

  Sophia : We know what happened. Let us just guess what part of the Middle East he's from.

• Sophia : Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. But when life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?

  Blanche : Yeah.

  Sophia : You can still walk, can't you?

  Blanche : That's true.

  Sophia : Great, go get me a glass of water.

• [Blanche comes into the kitchen. Rose can't see her] 

  Blanche : I am nothing but a disgusting cheap slut.

  Rose : Don't tell me... it's Blanche.

• [Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche discuss Dorothy's lesbian friend,Jean] 

  Sophia : Jean thinks she's in love with Rose!

  Blanche : Rose! Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe this, I don't believe this!

  Dorothy : We were surprised, too.

  Blanche : Well, I'll bet. To think Jean would prefer Rose over ME, that ridiculous!

• Blanche : [Sophia slapped Blanche's grandson for mouthing off]  Is that all you Italians know how to do? Scream and hit?

  Sophia : No, we also know how to make love and sing opera!

• Rose : I wanted to ask you - do you think Blanche has been picking on me lately?

  Dorothy : I haven't noticed.

  Rose : [Blanche enters]  Hi, Blanche!

  Blanche : Must you always be so cheerful, you... empty-headed, Mary Poppins knock-off?

  Rose : [to Dorothy]  Let me know if you notice anything.

• Blanche : [referring to the one man she'd never been able to seduce]  I let him slip through my fingers once, I'm not going to let that happen again.

  Sophia : [opening the door to see Blanche's date-an overweight bald guy]  He couldn't slip though your fingers now if you used a shoehorn.

• Blanche : Why I couldn't... I'd feel like a... like a...

  Dorothy : Like a backstabbing slut?

  Blanche : ...no...

• [Rose comes in from the rain crying after seeing two sad movies; Dorothy's friend says she'll be all right] 

  Blanche : Of course you will, honey, that phony hair color won't wash out just because you got caught in the rain!

• Blanche : He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche. At least, he will when I'M through with him.

• [talking about bobbing for yams] 

  Rose : I had a knack for coming up with the firmest, most appealing yams.

  Blanche : I was once told I had the firmest, most appealing gams.

• Blanche : We just rented that movie Aliens, it scared us half to death.

  Sophia : I found it scary too. That Sigourney Weaver is a sweet girl but she really shouldn't go without makeup.

• Blanche : Sophia, I need you.

  Sophia : Blanche, you were strong and independent long before I got here.

  Rose : I need you too, Sophia.

  Sophia : Rose, you need the Wizard of Oz.

• Blanche : When Blanche Devereaux goes after a man, she doesn't stand on ceremony!

  Sophia : Or the floor.

• Dorothy : [on Sophia's memory loss]  I hate watching what this is doing to her.

  Blanche : I hate watching what this is doing to you.

  Rose : I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginnings of rented videotapes.

• Blanche : Dorothy, do you realize it has been three days since I have enjoyed the company of a man?

  Dorothy : Yes, Blanche. I've been marking the days on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar.

  Blanche : Dorothy, you have to help me. You have to do something!

  Dorothy : Blanche, there is nothing I can do, so get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand!

• Dorothy : Is that all you care about? Money and applause?

  Blanche : And sex. For which I usually *get* applause.

• Blanche : You know, a lot of those European girls don't shave under their arms.

  Rose : Is that true?

  Blanche : They just let it all hang out.

  Rose : Really?

  Blanche : Bushy as can be.

  Rose : Well, what do they look like in a strapless dress?

  Dorothy : Like Milton Berle.

• Rose : When men see that you shave your legs above the knee, what does that say to them?

  Blanche : Hopefully it says, '"Touch my leg!"

  Dorothy : That's in case they miss the tattoo that says the same.

• Blanche : My first was Billy. Oh, I'll never forget it! That night under the dogwood tree, the air thick with perfume, and me with Billy. Or Bobby? Yes, that's right, Bobby! Or was it Ben? Oh who knows, anyway, it started with a B.

• Blanche : [looking after Rose, who has just left the lanai crying]  What's the matter with her?

  Dorothy : She's upset.

  Blanche : Is it about Arnie?

  Dorothy : No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke!

• Dorothy : Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.

  Blanche : Tell that to my thighs.

• Blanche : You know what the worst part about getting older is?

  Dorothy : Your face, Rose's hands?

• Rose : Blanche, I can't believe you. Where do you get your nerve?

  Blanche : Ironically, from Uncle Lucas.

• Dorothy : Ma, I'm never playing cards with you again!

  Sophia : Yes you will. You're just too competitive. It's always been your worst feature. No, wait-your ears are your worst feature.

  Dorothy : Can you believe that?

  Blanche : No, I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature.

• Blanche : Oh, God... now I'm lying to a priest!