- Princess II: You're disgusting! Vile! Horrible! Cruel! Perverted!
- The Evil Fuckaire: Perverted! Shh-shh-shh. Perverted! That is the one I wanted to hear. You've made my day. Perverted! My God, it's nice to know you're appreciated. Believe me, if you weren't a woman, I could kiss you for that.
- Louis Corsican: Fuckaire, the only thing I want to say is: you've kept me in a dungeon, and you've beaten me, and you've tortured me, and you even kissed me. And, I want these people to know that the only thing you've really done is make me really, really hungry.
- Louis Corsican: That's the famous Marquis du Hickey. Legendary lover. Makes Casanova look like a schoolboy. He's a trisexual!
- Lucian Corsican:: Trisexual?
- Louis Corsican: Yeah, he'll try anything: mud, chickens, anything.
- Louis Corsican: You ever had a taco? I guess they don't have tacos in France. I remember one time this restaurant I used to work... err... I mean, own. They had a contest to see who could eat the most. I ate 143, and I was still hungry, but they had to close the restaurant.
- Lucian Corsican:: All our people are either dead or in jail. These evil men, they - they raped the fields and pillaged the women.
- Louis Corsican: That's evil men.
- Lucian Corsican:: Don't you love it, man? In America, they'd arrest us for playin' on the street. Here, they pay us to leave.
- Louis Corsican: That's culture, hoss. Don't you forget it.
- Louis Corsican: It's good to be back in the woods. It's so peaceful.
- Lucian Corsican:: It's poison oak, my brother.
- The Gypsy: [to Lucian] You! You have the mark!
- [to Louis]
- The Gypsy: Your arm! Your lip! You have the mark!
- [to Lucian]
- The Gypsy: He has the mark!
- [to Louis]
- The Gypsy: You have the mark! Are you brothers?
- Louis Corsican: Yeah, we're the Marx Brothers.
- Louis Corsican: That's a revolutionary thought.
- Lucian Corsican:: Rock-n-roll, man. That's what's gonna change the world, you know? A lot of people think there's gonna be a revolution? It's gonna be a music revolution. Rock-n-roll, man!
- Louis Corsican: I'm finished.
- Princess II: Ohh. Oh, you do that so good!
- Louis Corsican: Oh, you like that, huh?
- Princess II: Oh, I've never had anybody do that for me. Do you think you could do it again?
- Louis Corsican: Again?
- Princess II: Just a little, unless you are tired.
- Louis Corsican: Oh. Oh, no. I'm not tired.
- Princess II: Oh, good!
- Louis Corsican: I could do this all day. As a matter fact, that's what I used to do for a living.
- Princess II: Ya, let me have a look at you. You know, I've been looking for a stud like you. You've got a great ass. You're gorgeous! I can't wait. You know what? Tomorrow morning, I'm going to sneak out and I'm going to take you for a long ride. I'm going to ride you till you drop. Then I'm going to find a nice lake. Then I'm going to bathe you and massage you. You'd like that, wouldn't you? And then I'm going to put something on you to keep those horrible flies off you.
- The Evil Fuckaire: Poofter, did you see what happ... Hey, Poofter? Oh, my God, where is my little Poofter? Oh, I mustn't lose my Poofter! Excuse me, I am so sorry to bother you when you are so busy, but have you seen my Poofter? No? Oh, my God!
- Louis Corsican: He's the Queen's hairdresser, on royal appointment. He's a Spanish guy. Just came from Spain. And anyways, he's queer as a duck.
- Lucian Corsican:: Oh, no, my brother. I - I just couldn't do that. I mean I haven't really been with a woman, but, a man - I - I wouldn't know what to do.
- Princess I: What kind of horses?
- Louis Corsican: Umm. They were, eh, brown, mostly brown.
- Princess I: Did you do all the breeding yourself?
- Louis Corsican: Eh, no. We had a horse for that. I remember one time my cousin though - oh, never mind.
- Princess I: [laying on the ground, kissing] Oh, what's that?
- Lucian Corsican:: Oh, sorry. It's just my sword. It keeps getting in the way. Would you like to see it?
- Princess I: No!
- Lucian Corsican:: It's okay, because I couldn't show it to you anyway. My father always told me: never show your sword unless you intend to use it. Anyway, mine's broken.
- Princess I: Broken?
- Lucian Corsican:: Yeah. Why, I've mistreated it for years. So foolish. I used to go around stickin' it into everything. Stuck it into watermelons - just practicing. One day I stuck it into the dirt, broke the tip off.
- Princess I: Oh, how awful.
- Lucian Corsican:: That really hurt me. But that's okay. I'm gonna get a new one.
- Princess I: You can get new ones?
- Lucian Corsican:: That's why I have to get into the castle, because that's where they keep the good ones.
- Princess I: Yes!
- Lucian Corsican:: I need a good, strong one this time.
- Princess I: François has a really good one!
- Lucian Corsican:: But it has to be big.
- Princess I: Oh. Pierre. Yes. Oh, but his is *too* big.
- Lucian Corsican:: They can never be too big - not if you know what to do with it. You see, sometimes if they're big enough, all you have to do is show it, and people will run.
- Princess I: Oh, that's what I did.
- The Queen: And what about all those lovers?
- Louis Corsican: Oh, God. They don't call her the "Frijole" for nothing. She like a doorknob. Everybody gets a turn. And that's a yoke, huh?
- The Queen: Oh, a good yoke.
- Louis Corsican: Yeah, they were gonna name a port of entry after her.
- Louis Corsican: Come on, baby. I can take you away from all this - civilization. We can run out into the jungles of Mexico and be love savages. I'll be your king - and you be my love queen. We can open a taco stand. Just - tell me where you are, little pussycat. Come on, baby.
- Lucian Corsican:: My brother, there are some things that you cannot run away from. If this revolution is to survive, men like me must fight. Even though the cause is hopeless, we must fight to free our brothers from the chains of oppression.
- Louis Corsican: What brothers are you talkin' about? The only brothers I see around here is me - and all you do is get us caught! I mean, did you ever stop to think that maybe you're the only guy in the revolution?
- Louis Corsican: Fuckaire! The only thing I want to say is you've kept me in a dungeon and you beat me and you tortured me and you even kissed me.
- Louis Corsican: Look, I'm gonna lure them outside and you come after me!
- Lucian Corsican:: And then what?
- Louis Corsican: And then you bonk 'em on the head!
- Lucian Corsican:: I can bonk.
- Lucian Corsican:: They're in here. There they are. Now, if we can just get them off.
- Louis Corsican: Let's get 'em drunk first. Hi, ladies...
- The Evil Fuckaire: My God, he's inhuman! He's going to be the death of me - and I'm not even going to enjoy it.
- The Evil Fuckaire: So, my friends, we have caught you, eh? And you wouldn't beat me, eh? So, now I'm going to whip you to death!
- Lucian Corsican:: You may whip us, Fuckaire; but you'll never beat us.
- The Evil Fuckaire: Corsican Brothers!
- Princess I: What were you doing in that room with all those girls?
- Lucian Corsican:: I was just looking for my sword.
- Princess I: They had your sword?
- Lucian Corsican:: Yes. They were holding it for me.
- Princess I: They were holding it?
- Lucian Corsican:: Yes.
- Princess I: [starts crying] You told me that was my job!
- The Evil Fuckaire: Whip me! You can have a quick whip-round. Please! Guards! Guards! Stop them! They're escaping! They haven't whipped me! Guards!
- Lucian Corsican:: I've got an idea. Quick. Take off your clothes.
- Louis Corsican: Hey, wait a minute. We're brothers.
- Lucian Corsican:: Look, take off your clothes.
- Louis Corsican: Hey, you haven't been in jail that long.
- Lucian Corsican:: Yes, I can see it, my brother.
- Louis Corsican: [standing below] What is it?
- Lucian Corsican:: I can see the Big Dipper.
- Louis Corsican: Big Dipper?
- Lucian Corsican:: Yes, I can, and I can see Venus! And I can see the moon.
- Louis Corsican: All I see is your anus.