- Reverend Flavel: Blaspehmy! Shakespeare must go! So sayeth the Shepherd!
- The Flock Members: SO SAYETH THE FLOCK!
- Reverend Flavel: And what sayeth you, Mr. Carter?
- Carter: [very angry at this point] Get the Flock out of here!
- [the students all start cheering]
- Reverend Flavel: This means war! HOLY WAR! Flock! FOLLOW!
- Wendy: Hey waiter! Put shit-face's drink here on Commissioner Gebhart's bill! For piss-sake he's up for re-election next week, you think he needs this shit?
- Reverend Flavel: [after the Klan has crashed Rev. Flavel's revival, bald, naked and circumcised] Behold the Spawn of Satan! The Bowels of Perdition. Hear what I say! I speak Salvation! I speak Redemption!
- Mickey: [instructing Tommy Turner to turn on the tape recorder] Now.
- Reverend Flavel: CLEARLY I say this to thee...
- Commissioner Hurley: [on the tape] Holy Shit! Look at the dick on that son of a bitch!
- [the guy he was pointing to mouths, "Me?"]
- Commissioner Couch: [on the tape] Hey, Mayor! That guy's dork's even bigger that yours!
- Commissioner Hurley: [on the tape] If you wore a cape like that, you could give your secretary a flying fuck!
- [a mother covers her young daughter's ears, but clearly too late]
- Mayor Abernathy: [on the tape] Look at that snatch!
- Woman at Rally: Oh My God!
- [faints]
- Little Girl: Oh, Mother.
- Commissioner Couch: [on the tape] Hey, Mayor. Does Reverend Flavel approve of this one?
- Reverend Flavel: [to Mayor] You Scum!
- Mayor Abernathy: [on the tape] Approve? Are you kidding? Reverend Flavel GAVE me this one!
- [audience starts booing loudly]
- Billy: What's this?
- Tommy: Blueprints.
- Billy: I know they're blueprints. What are they of.
- Tommy: Take a look.
- Billy: Okay, here the school.
- [Tommy pulls out a metal container, opens it, and pulls a snake out of it.]
- Billy: Okay, so this is the gym.
- Tommy: Right.
- Billy: So now what?
- Tommy: [Puts the snake in his view] So we take this snake...
- Billy: [Throws down the blueprints, backs up frantically, screaming] Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?! Get that out of my face!
- Tommy: You don't like snakes?
- Billy: I hate snakes! You know I hate snakes! Jesus!
- [Indicating Balbricker]
- Billy: What are you going to do, kill her?
- Tommy: [Puts the snake back] No, it's just a rat snake. It's not poisonous.
- Billy: [Cringing] Yaah!
- Brian: [as he prepares to shave the heads of the Klansmen] We will almost certainly have to retire this zemel when this is all over!
- Mickey: Hey Pee Wee, how's it feel?
- Pee Wee: How does what feel?
- Mickey: Getting laid.
- Pee Wee: Same as it always feels.
- Mickey: I don't believe it.
- Tommy: Never again.
- Pee Wee: What are you guys talking about, I got bodies laid all over South Florida.
- Mickey: Morris, the last time you got any action, it was your fist. The old "Rosie Palm".
- Pee Wee: You guys are just jealous because I ruined Wendy for everybody else.
- Pee Wee: [after the guys laugh] Now that she's had me, what's left?
- Mickey: Yeah well, that's not what she told me, Pee Wee.
- Pee Wee: Well, what did she tell you?
- Tommy: Ask her, Pee Wee, here she comes.
- Billy: Yeah, I can hear her panting from here.
- Pee Wee: Look man, when they've been had by Pee Wee Morris, they stay had. I mean, they can't keep their hands off me. You guys better watch out because when she sees me you're likely to get caught in the stampede. Watch this.
- Wendy: [walks by passively] Hi, boys.
- Mickey: [after the guys laugh at Pee Wee] She's in a frenzy, Pee Wee.
- Tommy: Yeah, she's rabid.
- Pee Wee: She didn't see me. She didn't know I was here.
- Tommy: That's what she said about you on the bus.
- Pee Wee: Oh man, the girl's my slave.
- Coach Goodenough: [Hearing Balbricker screaming after the snake popped up in her toilet] What in the world?
- [Thinks, then referring to Coach Bracket and Miss Honeywell from the previous movie]
- Coach Goodenough: Nah, it can't be. I fired them.
- Gebhardt: Very cute. Well, I'm leaving.
- Wendy: You get out of that chair and I'll yell rape.
- Gebhardt: You'll what?
- Wendy: I'll yell rape.
- Gebhardt: You're bluffing.
- [gets out of his chair and starts to walk away]
- Wendy: RAPE! RAPE! Oh, Bobby, don't leave me. I can't have our baby alone.
- Gebhardt: [quickly sits back down and turns to another patron] My daughter. She' so funny. She's just wow.
- Wendy: [grabs Gebhardt by the tie and pulls him close to her face] How's that grab ya? Now sit there and take your medicine.
- Balbricker: [Screaming, after figuring out he was responsible for the snake in her toilet] TURNER! TUR-NER!
- Reverend Flavel: [a photographer takes a picture of him losing complete control of the revival, he turns to him] You son of a bitch, don't you rele...
- [Another photographer takes a pic, he turns on him]
- Reverend Flavel: You son of a bitch, you better...
- [He stops and, realizing it's no use anymore, throws a fit]
- Reverend Flavel: Awwww SHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTT!
- Wendy: Do you know how I got my reputation?
- Pee Wee: How?
- Wendy: In the 8th grade, I didn't know anything. A bunch of guys wanted to get me to go skinny dipping, I didn't want to but I didn't care if they did so I just watched. I thought it was funny, flopping around...the next day I was a slut, the original mattress-back.
- Brian: [to the Klansmen] This zemel has been used to chop off literally hundreds of foreskins... what better to shave the heads of a bunch of pricks like you?