- Ververgaert: [grabbing the bunk below Chooch] You don't wet your bed, do you?
- Chooch: [sarcastically] No, I generally just piss over the side.
- Bliss: Oh MacArthur! Oh!
- Ike: Colonel. I'd love to stay and get together but I gotta get outta here.
- Bliss: Is it something I said? Did I come on too strong?
- Ike: No. I just have to go and meet the guys.
- Bliss: Don't you want to meet these guys?
- Ike: I would. But my friends are counting on me.
- Bliss: Okay. Meet me in my room later. I'll be waiting.
- Ike: Miss Bliss?
- Bliss: Did anyone see you MacArthur?
- Ike: No Colonel.
- Bliss: Good. Now, where were we?
- Ike: Here, I think.
- Bliss: Oh, yeah. Mmmmm, oh MacArthur.
- Ike: Oh Colonel.
- Bliss: Sit on the bed MacArthur.
- Ike: Yes ma'am.
- Bliss: Make yourself comfortable. So, these are what you wanted to see, right?
- Ike: Yes ma'am.
- Bliss: You're lucky MacArthur. I never go all the way with a cadet.
- Ike: Really?
- Bliss: Yeah, but you're different.
- Ike: I am?
- Bliss: Yeah. You know, all these guys care about is my body.
- Ike: I know. Wow!
- Bliss: So what do you think MacArthur? I do have a nice set, don't I?
- Ike: Yes you do.
- Bliss: Slide over here. Come on and have a feel, MacArthur. Touch them.
- Ike: Uh.
- Bliss: Don't be shy. That's what they're there for.
- Ike: Uh.
- Bliss: That's it. I know you want them!
- Chooch: Ike. Are you in here? Shit!
- Major Vaughn Liceman: [15:35] Holt! Not halt, Holt! Halt, Holt! This letter arrived a couple or three days ago. I just got around to opening it.
- Oliver: You opened my mail?
- Major Vaughn Liceman: You opened my mail, sir!
- Oliver: Yes, sir, that's what I meant, sir. Thank you for correcting me, sir.
- Major Vaughn Liceman: It's from your girlfriend.
- Oliver: Thank you again, sir.
- Leisman: [22:33] Now you see that is an untruth. You've just told your friend an untruth. Now perhaps if you didn't have that filthy rag wrapped around your eyes you could see the truth. Then you would not lie
- Hash: You mean my kopa, sir
- Leisman: Get rid of it. It isn't regulation and it makes you stand out like a turd in a punch bowl
- Hash: 1,000 pardons sir. But my religion forbids me to remove my kopa
- Leisman: Your religion?
- Ververgaert: [39:22] Go ahead, Oliver. What happened next? Did you take your clothes off or did she?
- Oliver: I did
- Ververgaert: God damn, all! And then, what? Did you do it on a bed or did you do it on the floor?
- Ike: Come on, Ververgaert, lay off! You act like you never made it with a girl before.
- Ververgaert: Hey I've had my share of quail
- Chooch: [50:57] That's right, and if you ever want to get those pictures back, you better make sure Vervegaert doesn't know how you're gonna do it.
- Oliver: Got any ideas, Chooch?
- Chooch: What does Liceman want more than anything else?
- Hash: My balls!
- Ike: My soul
- Oliver: My ass
- Ike: Your girl!
- Chooch: You got it. Now, Liceman wouldn't recognize her if he saw her, would he?
- Oliver: No
- Chooch: Okay, here's what you gotta do.
- Ike: [19:36] Dear reverend pop. Caught your act on the radio today. I hope the record sales are good. Oh, I also met your friend, the devil. His name is Liceman. And you're right. He is white. I'm sorry about your divorce but I'm looking forward to meeting my new stepmother. I hope she's as friendly as Nubia. Today I auditioned for the soccer team. You should have seen me. Even the coach was astounded. He even said I was a credit to my race.
- Coach: [20:02] You're a disgrace to niggers the world over!
- Ike: He also said I'm in a class all by myself and shouldn't be on the same field with the others
- Coach: Now, get on that bench and write yourself a letter. Cause that's the only letter you're going to get from this academy!
- Ike: Yes, sir
- Coach: Move it!
- Ike: Well, see you on parents' day. your son, Eisenhower