- Gillian Bromley: [Rhodes has been coming on to her, trying to impress her with a Cary Grant impersonation] You can't be serious!
- Jack Rhodes: [Still doing "Cary Grant" impersonation] Why, I've never been more serious in my life.
- Gillian Bromley: Why are you imitating Tony Curtis?
- Jack Rhodes: [Normal voice] I'm not imitating Tony Curtis, I'm imitating Cary Grant.
- Gillian Bromley: You're doing Tony Curtis doing Cary Grant...
- Jack Rhodes: [Deflated] Oh...
- Gillian Bromley: Cary Grant doesn't even do "Cary Grant" any more.
- Gillian Bromley: It doesn't trouble you that blackmail is, in fact, against the law?
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Policemen are constantly breaking the law. It's one of the many ways we have of upholding it.
- Gillian Bromley: I have absolutely NO intention of passing on the date of that shipment.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Well, let me put it another way. Do the names Halliday, Hornfield, Kinnersley and Drampton mean anything to you?
- Gillian Bromley: Uh, no, I don't follow you.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: They're all women's prisons. Oh, there's a fairly large selection of them available in this country. But I think I should point out, they DO have one thing in common: they are ALL poisonously unpleasant.
- Gillian Bromley: [Wavering somewhat] I'll manage, somehow... Others have.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Yes... Well, let me draw a persuasive little picture for you. Where you will be going, they have the oddest notions of hospitality. First, they shave your head. Then, they delouse you, feed you with something a ravenous crocodile would pass up, then, lock you up for the night with unfriendly lesbian companions - and you have your own "private" little chamber pot under the bed. Oh, it is very unpleasant, I know. That's why I urge you to reflect whether you shouldn't save yourself all that misery, by passing on the date to Mr. Rhodes... Well, take your time. Reflect well.
- Gillian Bromley: [after giving it a mere moment of thought] I've taken my time and I've reflected well.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: And?
- Gillian Bromley: I've decided to save myself all that misery - I'll pass on the date.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Splendid.
- Gillian Bromley: When is it?
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: You'll get it in a day or two. Run along, now.
- Gillian Bromley: [Stops at the door on her way out] Oh, Inspector, I thought I might send you a little present: a kitten. They're ever such a lot of fun if you strangle them right.
- Mrs. Willis: Cyril, hurry up! Your breakfast is getting cold, as usual.
- Mrs. Willis: [Cyril enters] Cyril, I don't like your tie.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: You gave it to me, dear.
- Mrs. Willis: That's no excuse.
- Mrs. Willis: [Handing him the paper] Cyril, look at the newspaper.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: [Uninterested] Something in it?
- Mrs. Willis: The date!
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: [Sarcastic] That made the front page again?
- Mrs. Willis: It's the 25th - - six more days, and you'll finish at The Yard.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Hopefully in a blaze of glory. My final case - the capstone of my career.
- Mrs. Willis: [Chuckles] Well, what difference would it make?
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Oh, it has to do with something sacred.
- Mrs. Willis: Cyril, you're making no sense, as usual.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: It's about the sanctity of property. Of all the crimes of which man is capable, the one that really rankles me is the violation of property. Oh, there's your murder, of course - - rape, kidnap...
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: [Looks slyly at his wife] ... wife beating.
- Mrs. Willis: Don't be ridiculous.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: But life - - however precious, life perishes. It's only property that lives on and on. Now the man I intend to arrest had the presumption to usurp himself that which we consider to be the most valuable property of all: diamonds. The dearest, noblest, most direct link we have to the very core of the planet itself.
- Mrs. Willis: The filthy bugger.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: Yes, dear.
- Gillian Bromley: [She and Rhodes have disguised themselves as Arabs, and have just cleared airport Customs inspection. Rhodes did his best to sound like an "Arab."] That was the worst Peter Sellers I have ever heard.
- Jack Rhodes: I wasn't doing Peter Sellers - I was doing Peter Sellers doing Omar Sharif!
- Jack Rhodes: How much do you want for the diamonds?
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: [Hesitantly] Well, um... Would you think that, um, one million dollars is fair?
- Jack Rhodes: [pauses] No... I don't think one million dollars is fair... I think THREE million dollars is fair.
- Chief Insp. Cyril Willis: [Surprised] Well, let me say this: I prefer YOUR definition of "fair."
- Jack Rhodes: [Ferguson is playing Ain't Misbehavin' at the piano] I've got a job. Diamonds. A million dollars.
- Ferguson: What's my share?
- Jack Rhodes: That is your share.
- Ferguson: [sings] I'm misbehavin'...
- Nigel Lawton: Pilot?
- Jack Rhodes: Ernst Mueller.
- Nigel Lawton: Last I heard he was flying Cubans into Africa.
- Jack Rhodes: I wonder if Castro knows he's a Nazi?
- Gillian Bromley: This may be a silly question, but if we are successful how do we then go about converting the stones into cash?
- Nigel Lawton: Well, that's exactly what Jack's the best at.
- Gillian Bromley: [grinning] Not as far as I'm concerned.
- Ernst Mueller: If it is Rhodes, it must be diamonds, ja?
- Jack Rhodes: Ah, still smart as a whip.
- Ernst Mueller: When is the job?
- Jack Rhodes: Soon. London.
- Ernst Mueller: It is London?
- Jack Rhodes: Starts in London. You'll fly over the Channel.
- Ernst Mueller: You know how many times I fly the channel?
- Jack Rhodes: Oh, many times. This time you won't be carrying any bombs. Won't be nearly as much fun, but then you'll go a lot faster.
- Ernst Mueller: If we dropped more bombs last time, different story.
- Jack Rhodes: Well, you don't win them all.
- Ernst Mueller: We don't win ANY of them!
- Jack Rhodes: Did you have any problems getting the plane?
- Nigel Lawton: No, one has one's friends. Here's the lease. You'll be pleased to see that we're a Panamanian corporation.
- Jack Rhodes: Based in Beirut.
- Nigel Lawton: With a Liechtenstein charter.
- Gillian Bromley: Did you remember to write "diamond thieves"?
- Nigel Lawton: No, no. I put "dope smugglers". Didn't want to arouse suspicion.