- Antoinette Lily: Have you ever been married?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Sure. A long time ago.
- Antoinette Lily: Did you love her?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: With all my heart. Sometimes that just isn't enough.
- Antoinette Lily: What happened?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I caught her in bed with my best friend.
- Antoinette Lily: What did you do to him?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I shot her.
- Antoinette Lily: What! What about him?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: He was my best friend!
- Dr. Canterbury, Head of Sanatorium: Billy, my considered diagnosis is that you have the worst ailment known to man - no money!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Now look! I don't take kindly to kids playin' hooky from school. I think every kid in America ought to go to school... at least up to the eighth grade.
- Young kid: We don't go to school today, Bronco Billy. It's Saturday!
- Antoinette Lily: But why do I hate him so?
- Lorraine Running Water: The Apaches have a word for that... it's called love.
- Antoinette Lily: Good morning!
- Lefty LeBow: What's so good about it?
- Antoinette Lily: Smell that fresh morning air! Look at the blue sky above!
- Lefty LeBow: Have you been drinkin' some of Doc's Snakebite?
- Lorraine Running Water: Don't you understand what Bronco Billy and the Wild West Show are all about? You can be *anything* you want. All you have to do is go out and become it.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I've got a special message for you little pardners out there. I want you to finish your oatmeal at breakfast and do as your mom and pa tell you because they know best. Don't ever tell a lie and say your prayers at night before you go to bed. And as our friends south of the border say, 'Adios, amigos.'
- Antoinette Lily: What are you going to do?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I do the thinking around here.
- Antoinette Lily: I hadn't noticed.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Go ahead, let the tears fall in the beer.
- Antoinette Lily: I'm not crying!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: There's nothing wrong with cryin'.
- Antoinette Lily: The smoke in here is hurting my eyes!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Haven't you got something better to do than to hang around here like a prairie dog in heat?
- Antoinette Lily: Don't tell me what to do.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I'm your boss and don't you forget it.
- Antoinette Lily: You are nothing but an illiterate cowboy.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: [stops the truck] Nobody ever talks that way to Bronco Billy.
- [kicks her out, leaves]
- Station Mechanic: [about his wife] You want her fixed?
- John Arlington: Sometimes she makes me so mad I could kill her!
- Mitzi Fritts: I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Take a swig of this, it'll make you feel great.
- Doc Lynch: And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor - to present to you this evening, the greatest trick shooter, the fastest draw, the toughest hombre, the one and only - Bronco Billy McCoy!
- [first lines]
- Doc Lynch: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we welcome you this evening to the greatest, the most authentic ,Wild West Show in America. So hang on to your hats and boots - or your loved one's hand. I understand. Let us take you back to a time when the cowboys and Indians roamed our great land. And now, for our first act this evening, Chief Big Eagle, the great-great grandson of the great Apache Indian chief, Geronimo, will perform his legendary Rattlesnake Dance - that no white man has ever seen befo'. And that's fo' sho!
- Lefty LeBow: Nobody wants to quit the outfit. It's just that, well, Hell, I ain't had enough money to go into a bar and buy a pretty girl a drink in over a month!
- Lorraine Running Water: I'm sick of being on the wagon and I'm sick of drinking plain water!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: We all know what you used to do for a drink and we forgive you for it. But, if you want to go back to wool blankets and dirty sheets, it's all right with me.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: You're all gonna get what you want, I promise you. I save every dime, every nickel that goes into that little tin box. And one of these days we'll get that ranch we want, so city kids could come out - and see what cowboys and Indians are really like. Then we can all settle down. You're the best bunch of wranglers in America, don't you ever forget it. And you ride with Bronco Billy, the fastest draw in the West. Now let's hit the trail!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I got to find a woman - who can shoot like Annie Oakley, ride like Belle Starr, and who ain't afraid of nothin'.
- John Arlington: I'm your husband.
- Antoinette Lily: That doesn't give you license to maul me.
- John Arlington: You frigid spinster. If you had any blood in your veins, you'd know what to do.
- John Arlington: Antoinette, darling, you know how much I love you.
- Antoinette Lily: Please, John, let's not be maudlin.
- John Arlington: But I do love you, my pet.
- Antoinette Lily: We need each other. I need to marry someone, anyone, before Saturday, when I reach the disgusting age of 30. Or, I shall lose many, many wonderful millions of dollars my darling Daddy left me. And you need my money. I know you're as broke as these vulgar Idaho farmers, so let's not talk about love, shall we.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: [singing] We're bar-room buddies and that's the best kind, Nobody fools with a buddy of mine, I laugh when you're happy, I cry when you're blue...
- Edgar Lipton: The living must go on living. What has happened, has happened.
- John Arlington: Edgar, *I'm* facing the electric chair - or something - and you're standing here talking about "the living must go on living".
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I say good riddance to that woman. She just couldn't cut the bacon. I'm glad she got out of the frying pan before I wasted that much time on her.
- Edgar Lipton: You're looking well.
- John Arlington: That's easy for you to say. You don't have - amoebic dysentery.
- Edgar Lipton: I've known Antoinette since she was just a little girl and believe me, I don't blame you for murdering her.
- John Arlington: But I didn't murder that cold-blooded viper.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: You're the coldest fish I've ever met.
- Antoinette Lily: How dare you call me a fish.
- Merle Haggard: [singing] Tonight I need that woman again, What I'd give for my baby to just walk in, Sit down beside me and say its alright, Take me home and make sweet love to me tonight, But here I am again mixing misery and gin, Sitting with all my friends and talking to myself...
- Antoinette Lily: Lefty, is that your real name, Lefty?
- Lefty LeBow: What's it to you?
- Antoinette Lily: Well, I was just trying to make time pass more quickly.
- Lefty LeBow: Why do you want to make the time pass quickly for?
- Antoinette Lily: Because I find life rather boring. Don't you?
- Lefty LeBow: Nope.
- Antoinette Lily: Well, I can see we have very little to talk about.
- Lefty LeBow: I reckon not.
- Antoinette Lily: Did your father teach you your little lasso tricks?
- Leonard James: My father taught me nothing. My father gave me nothing but whippings. Billy taught me everything I know. He give me a home.
- Antoinette Lily: [sarcastically] That's very touching.
- Leonard James: I don't know where you come from, Miss Lily. But, I think, they must not have given you much love when you was a little girl.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Did you ever think what it would be like to be nice to folks?
- Antoinette Lily: Folks - just want to take.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Girl, you sure are mixed up.
- Antoinette Lily: People are such idiots.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Go ahead, let the tears fall in that beer.
- Antoinette Lily: I'm not crying.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Nothing wrong with crying.
- Antoinette Lily: The smoke in here is hurting my eyes.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Your Daddy should've probably taken a belt to your backsides when you were little and you'd have had some respect, girl.
- Antoinette Lily: What is this place?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: It's a home for the criminally insane.
- Antoinette Lily: They should love your act.
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Don't you just love these wide open spaces where the deer and the antelope roam?
- King: What's your plans?
- Bronco Billy McCoy: I don't know. I guess the sun's always shining over the next valley. Maybe that's where we'll find our pot of gold.
- Antoinette Lily: You're living in a dream world! There are no more cowboys and Indians. That's in the past!
- Bronco Billy McCoy: Miss Lily, I was raised in a one-room tenement in New Jersey. As a kid, I never even saw a cowboy, much less the wide open spaces - except when I could scrounge up a quarter for a picture show. I was a shoe salesman until I was 31 years old. Deep down in my heart I always wanted to be a cowboy. One day I laid down my shoehorn and - swore I'd never live in the city again. You only live once. You got to give it your best shot.