Murder by Death (1976)
Maggie Smith: Dora Charleston
Photos
Quotes
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Dora Charleston : Thank you. You are?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Bensonmum.
Dora Charleston : Thank you, Benson.
Jamesir Bensonmum : No, no, no, no, no... Bensonmum. My name is Bensonmum.
Dick Charleston : Bensonmum?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Yes, sir. Jamesir Bensonmum.
Dick Charleston : Jamesir?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Yes, sir.
Dick Charleston : Jamesir Bensonmum?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Yes, sir.
Dick Charleston : How odd.
Jamesir Bensonmum : My father's name, sir.
Dick Charleston : What was your father's name?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Howard. Howard Bensonmum.
Dick Charleston : Your father was Howard Bensonmum?
Dora Charleston : Leave it be, Dickie. I've had enough.
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Lionel Twain : I'm the greatest, I'm number one!
Sam Diamond : To me, you look like number two, know what I mean?
Dora Charleston : What DOES he mean, Miss Skeffington?
Tess Skeffington : I'll tell you later. It's disgusting.
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Dick Charleston : Up there, Dora, look - a blind butler.
Dora Charleston : Don't let him park the car, Dickie.
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Dora Charleston : Is he dead?
Sam Diamond : With a thing like that in his back, in the long run, he's better off.
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Sam Diamond : You say you know who's going to get it?
Lionel Twain : Intimately.
Inspector Milo Perrier : And you know how the crime is to be committed?
Lionel Twain : Definitely.
Sidney Wang : And exactly what time murder to take place?
Lionel Twain : *The* murder. Precisely.
Dora Charleston : Well, I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain?
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Dora Charleston : Where's my Dickie?
[everyone stares at her]
Dora Charleston : Sorry. Where's my husband?
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Dora Charleston : I don't understand. Why would anybody want to steal a dead, naked body?
Dick Charleston : Well, dear, there are people who, um...
[whispers rest into her ear]
Dora Charleston : Oh, that's tacky! That's REALLY tacky!
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Dick Charleston : Now let's see what we have here. We have one missing, dead, naked butler, one host with a butcher's knife in his back, and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets.
Dora Charleston : Is that what that is?
Dick Charleston : Yes. They can kill instantly. I suggest we don't move.
Dora Charleston : For how long?
Dick Charleston : Quite possibly for the rest of our lives.
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Jessica Marbles : I'm not one to use hyperbole, ladies and gentlemen but I'll tell you this, for the first time in my life I had the caca scared out of me!
Dora Charleston : Dickie, I like her. I really like her!
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Dora Charleston : I want you to know, Dickie, that if you're the murderer, I'll still love you. I don't think it would be right for us to make love, but I'd still love you.
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Dick Charleston : [Cutting-room floor-scene of the Charlestons driving through heavy fog to Twain Manor] ... You know something, darling? I smell crime in the air.
Dora Charleston : I'm not surprised. You just ran over a small animal.
Dick Charleston : Did I? Oh, sorry about that... LOOK OUT!
[he slams on the brakes to avoid hitting Tess]
Dick Charleston : ... Hello out there! Are you hurt?
Tess Skeffington : [exhausted from walking] ... Oh, I'm fine - I just hiked five miles back this way from the gas station. Thank Heavens you saw me when you did.
Dick Charleston : Oh yes, I wouldn't want blood on my hands twice in one night. Well, keep to the side of the road.
[he drives off, leaving Tess standing there!]
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[Hearing a knock at the door]
Dora Charleston : Oh, that's probably the cook. Come in!
Dick Charleston : Darling, the poor woman is stone deaf.
Dora Charleston : I'm sorry, I forgot. COME IN!
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Dick Charleston : [inspecting their room] This dust is baking flour. And those cobwebs. Candied sugar. All placed here recently for the sole purpose of frightening us. And that mouse. Obviously a mechanical toy.
[picks up mouse and laughs]
Dick Charleston : Silly.
Dora Charleston : What is?
Dick Charleston : I am. It's real.
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Dora Charleston : [after Wang demonstrates his wine was poisoned] Great Scott Mr. Wang, you've saved our lives.
Milo Perrier : Not quite, Mrs. Charleston. Bon Apetit
[drinks wine - company gasps and exclaims]
Milo Perrier : . Since Monsieur Wang was the only one who could detect such a poison, he was the only one who was tested. Point 5: Mr. Twain is both beguiling and fiendish.
[crys out]
Milo Perrier : Mon Amis!
Dora Charleston : Oh get a doctor quick!
Milo Perrier : No, no, it's alright, my wine is not poisoned. It was just a bad year.
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Dora Charleston : What a godforsaken spot to get lost!
Dick Charleston : I'm sure I saw a much better spot a few miles back.
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Dick Charleston : [hanging up telephone] Sounded as though somebody snipped the wire.
Dora Charleston : Really? What did it sound like?
Dick Charleston : Snip.
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Sidney Wang : Quiet, please. Observe strange sounds.
[the room is filled with hideous death-groans]
Dora Charleston : Good God! The face! It's coming from the face!
[Sure enough, that agonized moaning issues from the African death-mask on the wall]
Dick Charleston : The victim of that tribal ritual, actually going through his final moments of death! What could it mean?
Jamesir Bensonmum : It means dinner is ready, sir. We have no gong.
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[stumbling around during a blackout]
Dora Charleston : Dickie, don't. You know how I get when you touch me there.
Dick Charleston : Me, darling? I've got my hands in my pockets.
Sam Diamond : I'm afraid they're my pockets.
Dick Charleston : Oh, sorry about that.
Dora Charleston : Dickie, behave yourself.
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Dick Charleston : [introducing them] My wife Dora. Inspector Perrier.
Milo Perrier : Très charmant.
[kisses her hand, then coughs]
Dora Charleston : I'm sorry. Our room is so dusty.
Milo Perrier : My fault. I should have blown first.
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Sidney Wang : [reading note from mute cook] I think butler is dead! My name is Yetta, I don't work Thursdays.
Dora Charleston : Ask her if she sleeps in, Dickie!
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Dora Charleston : I hope he knows how to stop that thing.
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Jamesir Bensonmum : Ah, here we are. The late Mrs. Twain's room. She died in here.
Dora Charleston : Oh, dear.
Dick Charleston : Died of what?
Jamesir Bensonmum : She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
Dick Charleston : You mean suicide?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Oh, no. It was murder all right. Mrs. Twain hated herself.
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Dora Charleston : Mr. Diamond, there's a bullet hole in your jacket.
Sam Diamond : You should see the other guy.
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Dora Charleston : You didn't tell me how I look, Dickie.
Dick Charleston : No different than always look, darling. Absolutely, ravishing.
Dora Charleston : Do you love me and adore me?
Dick Charleston : I love you and adore you. You till have the best tush in high society.
[Pats Dora's behind]
Dora Charleston : Years of horseback riding, darling.
Sidney Wang : [Wang enters] Getting to bottom of things, Charleston?
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Dora Charleston : I will not stay in this horribly filthy overnight.
Jamesir Bensonmum : Flithy? Very well, Madam. I'll attend to it during dinner.
Dick Charleston : Thank you, Benson, sir.
Jamesir Bensonmum : Mum!
Dick Charleston : What?
Jamesir Bensonmum : Bensonmum. Ma'am.
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Dora Charleston : Well, what'll we all do now? Just sit around and wait for one of us to be butchered?
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Dora Charleston : Is that the cook's arm?
Sam Diamond : It ain't the pussycat's tail, lady.