- Restaurant Manager: Your check, Lt.
- Lieutenant Columbo: Six dollars! Excuse me, err... no I think there's a mistake, I had the chilli and the iced tea.
- Restaurant Manager: Oh.
- [makes alterations on check]
- Lieutenant Columbo: Six seventy-five?
- Restaurant Manager: I forgot to add the iced tea.
- Mrs. Morgan: [to an apparently drunk Greenleaf] Sir, in your condition I should call the police.
- Riley Greenleaf: [sarcastically] Madame, in your condition, i'd call a plastic surgeon.
- Policeman in office: Wanna cup of coffee or something?
- Lieutenant Columbo: No thanks I just ate. You want some advice, be careful where you eat chilli.
- Policeman in office: Why, too hot?
- Lieutenant Columbo: Too high!
- Lieutenant Columbo: Excuse me, I don't need a parking check?
- Parking Attendant: [pointedly] Mister, I'll remember your car.
- Riley Greenleaf: [sarcastically to Eddie as he throws bombs in dump] Bravo, Eddie! Very efficient and may I add that you are truly a living tribute to American ingenuity. A bit depressing for the rats, but, uh, what's one less rat in the world, eh, Eddie?