Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974)

Diane Ladd: Flo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Flo : She went to shit and the hogs ate her!

• Flo : Mel, what you doing back there, pulling on your pudding? Or are you giving it a whack with a hammer? I heard the only way you can get it up is to slam it in a door.

  Mel : I don't want to get too close to you, honey. It will get you all bothered up early in the morning.

  Flo : I could lay under you, eat fried chicken... and do a crossword puzzle at the same time. That's how much you bother me.

• Flo : Why don't you give yourself a jack job in a paper sack and get off my back?

• Flo : My old man, Honey, he ain't talked to me since the day Kennedy got shot.

  Alice : What, did he think you had something to do with it?

• Alice : What do I say to him?

  Flo : You just tell that old boy if he wants to keep his shoes under your bed, he better straighten up!

• Flo : Mel! Where's that order of bacon? I swear that man moves like dead lice were falling off him. I mean, Grandma was slow, but she was old.

• Flo : Everybody, listen! We got us here a new girl, and her name is Alice. And today is her first day on the job. And Mel here says that she was a singer. How about them apples? And everybody can see she's got big tits on her. But hands off. Let the girl do her work. If there's going to be any grab-assing around here, grab mine. You look, but don't you touch.

• Flo : You can kiss me where the sun don't shine.

  Mel : I'll kiss you anywhere you want.

• Alice : I saw the "Waitress Wanted" sign. I said, "Why not?" So I took this job.

  Flo : Well, let me give you a hint. Honey, unbutton that top button.

  Alice : Really?

  Flo : Yeah. If you bend over, you get more tips when you're working.

  Alice : You're kidding me

  Flo : I'm not kidding. I got $50 last week.

  Alice : Really?

  Flo : Yeah.

  Alice : Like that?

  Flo : Yeah. Honey, forget what I said. You do that and I'm never going to get a tip again.

  [laughs] 

• Alice : Did you make that up?

  Flo : No. No, no. I heard it all my life. I heard it first from my Daddy.

  Alice : You're kidding me.

  Flo : No, he's got some terrific sayings. He lives out on a farm, my Daddy, and he always says his name's P.P. He always says, "Don't call me P.P. 'cause I'm all urine."

• Flo : What is it you want?

  Alice : If I knew that, I wouldn't be out here crying in the toilet, would I?

• Flo : The first thing you got to do is figure out what it is you want. And once you figure it out, you just jump in there with both feet and let the devil take the hindmost!