M*A*S*H (1972–1983)
Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns
Photos
Quotes
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Frank Burns : This is the last straw!
Hawkeye : Remind me to order more straws.
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Frank Burns : I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye : You're only off by two letters.
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Frank Burns : The men hate me, don't they?
Radar : Just your guts, sir.
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Frank Burns : That's not my department, sir - intelligence is something I try to avoid.
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Frank Burns : Attention all Allied personnel! There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise. I am directly under the brightest one.
Hawkeye : Very good, Frank.
B.J. : They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.
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Frank Burns : Klinger, how dare you wear that hat while in uniform?
Klinger : It's spring, sir.
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Frank Burns : I'm taking this to a higher authority.
Trapper : Aw, Frank... you're not going to write your mother again.
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Frank Burns : I love it here.
Col. Potter : Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one.
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Frank Burns : It's nice to be nice... to the nice.
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Frank Burns : I wonder if I can say something useful?
Trapper : I often wonder that too, Frank.
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Frank Burns : It's the way these yellow devils think. It's burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don't respect human life the way we do. I'd like to take him out and shoot him.
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Frank Burns : Spontaneity has its time and its place.
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Frank Burns : You disgust me!
Hawkeye : You're right, Frank... I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting.
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[South Koreans are being taught to speak English]
Frank Burns : We're making real progress.
Hawkeye : I can tell. You have a Korean accent.
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Frank Burns : Why don't you guys like me?
Hawkeye : Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person.
Frank Burns : Aside from that.
B.J. : Well, there's your pimples.
Frank Burns : My pores won't close.
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Frank Burns : Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have.
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Frank Burns : I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?
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Radar : Sir, I was just crossing the compound when...
Frank Burns : I have no interest in the compound.
Klinger : He has no compound-interest.
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Frank Burns : Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy.
Margaret : We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many.
Frank Burns : I know, darling, and I love being both of us.
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Frank Burns : All right, where's my razor?
Hawkeye : Been shaving your legs again, Frank?
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Frank Burns : I don't see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two *pagans*.
Margaret : They're not pagans, Frank. Everyone's going to be wearing clothes.
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Frank Burns : [Grabs Margaret's arm to keep her from walking away from him] Margaret, can't we please talk about this?
Margaret : Remove your hand or I'll zap you with my knee.
[Frank removes his hand]
