How to Commit Marriage (1969)
Tina Louise: Laverne Baker
Quotes
-
Oliver Poe : [spotting the recently divorced Bensons with their respective dates, at his standing room only nightclub, dressed like hippies] Well, look who just came in... split-city. I think I'll go over and deflate some egos.
Laverne Baker : Now, Oliver, don't cause any trouble.
Oliver Poe : [gleefully] Me? Trouble? Preposterous!
Oliver Poe : [walking over to Benson's table] Who are you supposed to be, Sabu's mother?
Frank Benson : Look Flabberino, why don't you leave and make room for like six more tables?
Oliver Poe : Sold any mud, lately? Well, well, well. One big happy family. I don't get it.
Oliver Poe : [pointing to the ex-Mrs. Benson] You're with him...
Oliver Poe : [pointing to Lois' breasts] ... and he's with those... I mean, her.
Frank Benson : Back up Moby Dick, how would you like your flab parted in the front, too.
Oliver Poe : I'm getting out of here before I punch a senior citizen in the snoot.
-
David Poe : Oliver, Nancy and I are going to get married.
Nancy Benson : We love each other, Mr. Poe.
Oliver Poe : That's Victorian bourgeois. I'll prove it you.
[calls mistress on speaker phone]
Oliver Poe : Laverne, are we sleeping together?
Laverne Baker : Yes, Oliver.
Oliver Poe : Do we love each other? Are we married?
Laverne Baker : Yes, dear. No, dear.
Oliver Poe : [disconnects speaker phone] Case closed.
-
David Poe : Oliver, Nancy and I are going to get married.
Nancy Benson : We love each other, Mr. Poe.
Oliver Poe : That's Victorian bourgeois. I'll prove it you.
Laverne Baker : [calling Laverne on the speaker phone] Laverne, are we sleeping together?
Laverne Baker : Yes, Oliver.
Oliver Poe : Do we love each other? Are we married?
Laverne Baker : Yes, dear. No, dear.
Oliver Poe : [disconnecting the speaker phone] Case closed.
David Poe : Nancy's parents are married.
Nancy Benson : [pleading] They've been happy for nineteen years!
Oliver Poe : [sarcastically] They're freaks.
