Eli Wallach: Tuco

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Tuco

[Tuco is in a bubble bath. The One Armed Man enters the room]
One Armed Man: I've been looking for you for 8 months. Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you. Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me. I had lots of time to learn to shoot with my left.
[Tuco kills him with the gun he has hidden in the foam]
Tuco: When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.

Tuco: [in the cave where his friends Pedro, Chico and Ramon are hiding] If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?

Blondie: I'll keep the money and you can have the rope.
Tuco: You filthy, double-crossing bastard! Of all the stinking, dirty tricks...
Blondie: The way back to town is only 70 miles. You know, if you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it. Adiós.
Tuco: You-you-you filthy bastard! Come here! Come here! Take -cut this rope off! Get off that horse. Get off that horse! You filthy coward! If I ever catch you, l'll rip your heart out and eat it! I'll skin you alive! I'll hang you up by your thumbs. You thief! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
Blondie: [clicks his tongue] Such ingratitude, after all the times I've saved your life.

Tuco: [thinking the cavalry they've met are Confederate] Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! HURRAH! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... what's his name?
Blondie: Lee.
Tuco: Lee! LEE! Ha ha! God is with us because he hates the Yanks too. HURRAH!
Blondie: [spits] God's not on our side because he hates *idiots* also.
[the commander of the cavalry patrol they've met reveals his blue uniform]

Tuco: There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door; those that come in by the window.

Tuco: [to his brother the priest] While I'm waiting for the Lord to remember me, I, Tuco Ramirez, brother of "Brother" Ramirez will tell you something! You think you're better than I am... where we came from, if one did not want to die in poverty, one became a priest or a bandit! You chose your way, I chose mine. *Mine* was harder! You talk about Mother and Father... you forget that when you left to become a priest *I* stayed behind! I must have been ten, twelve, I don't remember which, but *I stayed*! I tried, but it was no good! Now I'm going to tell you something... you became a priest because you were too much of a coward to do what *I* do!
[Pablo strikes Tuco across the face. Tuco retaliates with a right hook that sends Pablo crashing into various items. Tuco heads for the doorway]
Father Pablo Ramirez: Tuco...
[Tuco pauses at the doorway, then, without turning around, gives a dismissive wave and exits. Pablo stares ruefully after him]
Father Pablo Ramirez: Please forgive me, brother.

Tuco: I never hurt anybody!
Officer: ...wanted in 14 counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and, contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards...

Tuco: [to Corporal Wallace] I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise. And sometimes they never get up.

Tuco: There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.

[a dying man has information Tuco wants]
Tuco: Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later.

Tuco: You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something. When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass.

Tuco: You want to know who you are? Huh? You want to know whose son you are? You don't, I do, everybody does. You're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you. And your mother? Your mother - you bastard! Your mother, it's better not to talk of her. I never hurt anybody!

Tuco: I'm looking for the owner of that horse. He's tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he's a pig!

Blondie: I mean our partnership is untied.
Tuco: [looks down at the noose still hanging from his neck]
Blondie: Oh no, not you, you remain tied. I'll keep the money and you can have the rope.

[as they set out across the desert]
Tuco: What was it you told me the last time? Ah, yes..."If you save your breath I feel a man like you can manage it." And if you won't manage it, you'll die... only slowly. *Very* slowly, old friend.

Blondie: You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. We cut down my percentage - uh, cigar? - liable to interfere with my aim.
Tuco: But if you miss you had better miss very well. Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco. Nothing!
[Chuckles, bites cigar]

Tuco: [tied up and laying on the porch of the sheriff's office, after being dumped there by Blondie as he walks in to collect his bounty money... then, the sheriff walk out] Who the hell is that? One bastard goes in, another comes out!