Send Me No Flowers (1964)
Tony Randall: Arnold
Photos
Quotes
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George Kimball : When a man's wife thinks he's having an affair, how can he convince her he's not?
Arnold Nash : He can't.
George Kimball : But I'm not having one!
Arnold Nash : Doesn't make any difference.
George Kimball : Isn't a man innocent until proven guilty?
Arnold Nash : Look, you're dealing with your wife. You can forget the Constitution.
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George Kimball : You mean there's nothing I can do?
Arnold Nash : There is one thing.
George Kimball : What?
Arnold Nash : Confess, and ask her to forgive you.
George Kimball : Forgive me? For what?
Arnold Nash : For having an affair.
George Kimball : When I'm not having one?
Arnold Nash : That's right.
George Kimball : Look, I've heard of guys lying out of it, but I'd be the first guy to lie into it.
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George Kimball : Egods, you've got cold feet!
Arnold Nash : Complaints, complaints, nothing but complaints! I could do some complaining, too, you know. You ever cut your toenails?
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George Kimball : I went out and I bought a cemetery plot.
Arnold Nash : Oh, good, good. Use it in good health.
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Arnold Nash : Excuse me, please. I'll powder my nose.
Bert : Sure.
Arnold Nash : George, your nose needs a little powder too.
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Arnold Nash : George... Does it bother you that Judy may marry this guy and, you know and...
George Kimball : You mean...
Arnold Nash : Yeah.
George Kimball : No, Arnold. She wouldn't think of that with another man. All she needs now is a companion. Someone to walk with... over the hill and down the other side.
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Arnold Nash : When they made George Kimball, they threw away the mold.
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Arnold Nash : Now, what woman doesn't want to see her husband crawl a little?
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Arnold Nash : [after days of putting up with George Kimball's crazy-making idiosyncrasies and crossing off accolades from his notes for a speech at George's funeral] Keep it up, George, and you'll have the shortest eulogy on record!
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Arnold Nash : [Offering over his cummerband] George; do me.