Some Like It Hot (1959)

Tony Curtis: Joe, Josephine, Shell Oil Junior

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Jerry : Have I got things to tell you!

  Joe : What happened?

  Jerry : I'm engaged.

  Joe : Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

  Jerry : I am!

• Junior : Syncopators. Does that mean you play that very fast music... jazz?

  Sugar : Yeah. Real Hot.

  Junior : I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer classical music.

• [at the booking office, trying to be hired] 

  Joe : What kind of a band is this, anyway?

  Sig Poliakoff : You gotta be under twenty-five.

  Jerry : We could pass for that.

  Sig Poliakoff : You gotta be blonde.

  Jerry : We could dye our hair.

  Sig Poliakoff : And you gotta be girls.

  Jerry : We could...

  Joe : No, we couldn't!

• Sugar : If my mother could only see me now.

  Joe : I hope *my* mother never finds out.

• Joe : [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood]  Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.

  Jerry : I'm a boy.

  Joe : That's the boy.

  Jerry : [coming around]  I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

  Joe : What engagement present?

  Jerry : Osgood gave me a bracelet.

  Joe : [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses]  Hey, these are real diamonds!

  Jerry : Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

• Joe - 'Josephine' : [grabbing Daphne by the collar]  Daphne?

  Daphne : Well, I never did like the name Geraldine.

• Joe : But, you're *not* a girl! You're a *guy*, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?

  Jerry : Security!

• Sugar : Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?

  Junior : I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

• Sig Poliakoff : You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!

  Joe : What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?

  Sig Poliakoff : It's not the backs that worry me.

• Joe : There's another problem.

  Jerry : Like what?

  Joe : Like, what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?

  Jerry : We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I kinda lean towards Niagara Falls.

• Sugar : [admiring a large fish trophy]  What is it?

  Junior : It's a member of the herring family.

  Sugar : A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?

  Junior : They shrink when they're marinated.

• Jerry : Now you've done it! Now you have done it!

  Joe : Done what?

  Jerry : You tore off one of my chests!

• Sugar : Been waiting long?

  Junior : [gallantly]  It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!

• Junior : [Kissing]  I think you're on the right track.

  Sugar : I must be. Your glasses are beginning to steam up.

• Junior : Look, if all you're interested in is whether I am married or not...

  Sugar : Oh, I'm not interested at all.

  Junior : Well, I'm not.

  Sugar : That's very interesting!

• Sugar : I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.

  Joe : Where did he conduct?

  Sugar : On the Baltimore and Ohio.

• Sweet Sue : Are you two from the Poliakoff agency?

  Joe : Yes, we're the new girls.

  Daphne : Brand new!

• Joe : We won't breathe a word!

  Spats Colombo : You won't breathe nothin' - not even air.

• Joe : What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.

  Jerry : Well, suppose it doesn't?

  Joe : Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!

  Jerry : [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table]  Joe...?

  Joe : Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.

  Jerry : Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

• Joe : [apologizing because the motor boat will only move backwards]  I'm afraid it may take a little longer.

  Sugar : It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.

• Daphne : [after meeting the all-girl band they'll be traveling with]  How about that talent, huh? It's like falling into a tub of butter.

  Joe : Watch it, Daphne!

  Daphne : When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop, and there was goodies all around. There was jelly rolls, and mocha eclairs, and sponge cake and Boston cream pie...

  Joe : Look, Stoop...

  Daphne : And cherry tart...

  Joe : Stoop, listen to me! No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet!

• Joe : [referring to Jerry]  He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.

• Sugar : Oh Josephine! The most wonderful thing happened!

  Joe : What?

  Sugar : Guess.

  Joe : They repealed prohibition?

  Jerry : Oh come now, you can do better than that.

  Sugar : I met one of them.

  Joe : One of whom?

  Sugar : Shell Oil Junior. He's got millions, he's got glasses, he's got a yacht!

  Joe : You don't say.

  Jerry : He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!

• Joe : [to Spats, about the murders they just witnessed]  We didn't see anything. Did we?

  Jerry : No!

  [laughs nervously] 

  Jerry : Nothing. Besides, it's none of our business if you guys wanna bump each other off, we don't -

  [Joe nudges him to shut him up] 

• Joe - 'Josephine' : [to Daphne]  . What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!

• Jerry : Oh, why did I let you talk me into this?

  Joe : I thought you weren't speaking to me.

• Joe : I never knew it could be like this!

  Sugar : Thank you.

  Joe : They told me I was kaput, finished, all washed up. And here you are making a chump out of all those experts.

  Sugar : Mineral baths, now really!

  Joe : Where did you learn to kiss like that?

  Sugar : I used to sell kisses for the milk fund.

• Joe : [wipes away Sugar's tears]  None of that, Sugar. No guy is worth it.

• Jerry : [referring to Osgood]  That dirty old man!

  Joe : What happened?

  Jerry : I just got pinched in the elevator!

  Joe : Now you know how the other half lives.

  Jerry : [looks in a mirror]  Look at that! I'm not even pretty!

  Joe : They don't care. Just as long as you're wearing a skirt. It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

  Jerry : Really? Well, I'm sick of being the flag. I want to be a bull again!

• Daphne : [after struggling walking in heels at the train station]  Ow!

  Joe - 'Josephine' : What's the matter now?

  Daphne : How do they walk in these things, huh? How do they keep their balance?

  Joe - 'Josephine' : It must be the way their weight is distributed. Now, come on!

• Joe : [to Sugar]  The ship is in ship-shape shape.

• Sugar : He collects shells!

  Joe : Shells? Whatever for?

  Jerry : Oh, you know. The old shell game.

  Joe : Daphne, you're bothering us.

• [Jerry sees Joe impersonating a wealthy yachtsman to flirt with Sugar] 

  Sugar : [to Joe]  This is my friend Daphne, she's a Vassar girl.

  Daphne : I'm a what?

  Sugar : Or was it Bryn Mawr?

  Junior : [firmly to Jerry]  I heard a very sad story about a girl that went to Bryn Mawr. She squealed on her roommate... and they found her strangled with her own brassiere!

  Daphne : Yes, we've got to be very careful who we choose for a roommate.

• Joe : We didn't see anything!

  Jerry : We didn't hear anything either!

• Joe : I feel a funny sensation in my toes. Like someone is barbecuing them over a fire.

• Joe : So you got pinched in the elevator, so what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?

• Sugar : [on the yacht Junior's pretending he owns]  Which is the port and which is the starboard?

  Junior : Well that depends. That depends on whether you're coming or going. I mean, *normally*, normally, the aft is on the other side of the stern. But - And that's the bridge, so you can get from one side of the boat to the other.

• Joe : You don't want me, Sugar. I'm a liar and a phony. A saxophone player. One of those no-goodniks you keep running away from.

  Sugar : I know, every time.

  Joe : Sugar, do yourself a favor. Go back to where the millionaires are, the sweet end of the lollipop, not the Cole slaw in the face, the old socks and the squeezed-out tube of toothpaste.

  Sugar : That's right. Pour it on. Talk me out of it.

  [She grabs him to kiss him] 

• Jerry : Come on, what do you say? Let's get out of here right now. Let's blow!

  Joe : Blow where?

  Jerry : You promised me, Joe! You said that the minute we hit Florida, we were gonna beat it.

  Joe : How can we? We're broke.

  Jerry : Well, we can find another band to play in. A male band!

  Joe : Look stupid, right now Spats Colombo and his chumps are looking for us in every male band in the country!

  Jerry : But this is so humiliating!

  Joe : So you got pinched in the elevator. So what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?

  Jerry : All right, but how long do you think we can keep this up?

  Joe : What's the beef? We're sitting pretty. We got room and board. We get paid every week now. Just look outside. Look at the palm trees. Look at the ocean. Look at the flying fish.

  Jerry : What are you giving me with the flying fish? I know now why you want to stay here. You're after Sugar!

  Joe : Me after Sugar?

  Jerry : I saw you two on the bus coming over here talking, giggling, borrowing each others lipstick.

  Joe : We just happen to be very good friends.

  Jerry : Then I'm your fairy godmother! I'm keeping my eye on you from now on!

• Joe : Nellie baby, I'll make it up to you.

  Nellie : You're makin' it up pretty good so far.

• Joe : [Of Jerry]  I had to take him to the hospital and give him a blood transfusion. Right?

  Jerry : Right. We have the same type blood.

  Joe : Type O.

  Nellie : Oh?

• Joe : You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

  Jerry : [Spotting mobsters]  Joe, something tells me the omelette is about to hit the fan!

• Joe - 'Josephine' : [singing in the tub, heard from the next room]  Runnin' wild, lost control, runnin' wild, mighty bold, feelin' gay, reckless too, carefree mind, all the time, never blue!

• Joe : If they cafch us there's gonna be blood all over. Type O!