- Mike Connor: Don't dig that kind of crooning, chum.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: You must be one of the newer fellows.
- Tracy Lord: I'm such an unholy mess of a girl.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Oh, come on, that's not even good conversation, Tracy.
- [first lines]
- Louis Armstrong: [after singing the opening song with his band] End of song, beginning of story.
- Mike Connor: [Dexter is carrying a morning-after-the-night-before drink for Sam] Is that for me?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: It's for Sam, you want one?
- Mike Connor: You know how I feel about my grandmother but I'd sell her for a drink.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Uncle Willie's in the pantry doing weird and wonderful things with healing waters. Tell him you'd like one of the same.
- Mike Connor: Can I ask for two?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Keep going till you run out of grandmothers.
- Mike Connor: I'll be drinking a long time.
- Mike Connor: Mr Kittredge, it may interest you to know that our so-called affair consisted of exactly two kisses and one rather late swim both of which I thoroughly enjoyed and the memory of which I wouldn't part with for anything. After which I returned here, carried her to her room, deposited her on her bed and promptly returned here which you will no doubt remember.
- George Kittredge: That's all?
- Mike Connor: That's all.
- Tracy Lord: Why? Was I so cold? So forbidding?
- Mike Connor: Not at all. On the contrary but you were somewhat the worse or the better for the wine and there are rules about such things.
- Mrs. Seth Lord: George told us what happened. Your father will make an announcement.
- Tracy Lord: Oh, thank you. No, no, I got myself into this, I'll get myself out. Ooh.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Go. Go.
- Tracy Lord: [opens the door to address the guests] Good morning.
- [to the organist]
- Tracy Lord: Will you stop that racket? Good morning. I'm afraid there's been a slight hitch. My fiancé that was... that is... he's decided we should call it a day and I quite agree with him and... oh Dexter, help me please?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Say "two years ago I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping to Maryland"
- Tracy Lord: Two years ago I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping to Maryland.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: "But I hope to make it up to you now by going through with it as originally planned."
- Tracy Lord: But I hope to make it up to you now by...
- [looks at Dexter, he nods and smiles]
- Tracy Lord: by going through with it as originally and most beautifully planned.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: "So, if you'll just keep your seats a moment."
- Tracy Lord: So, if you'll just keep your lovely seats a moment...
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: "That's all"
- Tracy Lord: That's all.
- [shuts the door]
- Tracy Lord: Oh Dexter, are you sure?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: No, but I'll risk it if you will.
- Tracy Lord: You're not just doing it to save my face?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: It's such a sweet old face.
- Louis Armstrong: He's gonna get nowhere with that kind of music. Good for the feet, nothin' for the heart.
- Mike Connor: She's a lovely girl.
- Tracy Lord: Yes, isn't she? Ah, but we're afraid she has a homicidal streak.
- Mike Connor: Didn't you once know a girl named Tracy Samantha Lord?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Yes, I did.
- Mike Connor: No, you didn't! If you did, you wouldn't have let her go!
- George Kittredge: That sounds like Tracy's voice.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: No, no. It's just the night watchman.
- George Kittredge: It's a woman's voice.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Well he's a lyric tenor you see.
- Mike Connor: We'll go over the wall. Whose car should we use?
- Tracy Lord: Any one.
- Mike Connor: How about that blue one?
- Tracy Lord: Oh no, that's mine!
- Liz Imbrie: Well, since Mike's disappeared too I may as well go home.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Well, what about me taking you home, then, everybody come look for us?
- Liz Imbrie: Oh, that's the nicest thing I've heard all night.
- Liz Imbrie: Were you by any chance playing footsie with me at lunch?
- Mike Connor: From where I sat?
- Liz Imbrie: I didn't think your reach was that good. Seth Lord has a roving eye *and* foot.
- Caroline Lord: Dexter, are you ever going to get married again?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Sure I am, I'm just waiting for you to grow up.
- Caroline Lord: Oh Dexter, for you I'll hurry.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: You're gonna have to.
- Mike Connor: Hands up!
- Tracy Lord: Oh it's you! Go away.
- Mike Connor: Where are you going?
- Tracy Lord: Some place and dance.
- Mike Connor: But they're dancing in there.
- Tracy Lord: I know but George is frowning at me and I can't dance when anyone frowns at me.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Liz, you're in love with Connor aren't you?
- Liz Imbrie: People ask the darnedest questions.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Why don't you marry him?
- Liz Imbrie: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: I said why don't you marry him?
- Liz Imbrie: He's still got a lot to learn. I don't want to get in his way for a while.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Supposing some other girl comes along in the meantime.
- Liz Imbrie: I guess I'd just scratch her eyes out. Unless that is she was marrying someone else the next day.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: You're quite a girl Liz.
- Liz Imbrie: I don't know. I take nice pictures though.
- Mrs. Seth Lord: Tracy, look at the way she does her hair.
- Tracy Lord: Oh, yes, it's lovely. Is it lacquered?
- Tracy Lord: Do you like my dress?
- Uncle Willie: Oh yes, it's quite beautiful.
- Tracy Lord: It's awfully heavy.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: [hits Mike, turns to George] She's not your wife yet and she *was* mine you know.
- [George stalks off, Dexter turns to Mike]
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Thought I'd better get in first, he's in much better shape.
- Mike Connor: You'll do.
- Caroline Lord: Dexter? This is Caroline.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Hello, beautiful!
- Caroline Lord: Any time now.
- Tracy Lord: One thing's for sure. You're well rid of me.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Oh, no, no-one can say that but me.
- Mike Connor: Have you heard the story of a boy a girl, unrequited love?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Sounds like pure soap opera.
- Mike Connor: I may cry.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Tune in tomorrow.
- Caroline Lord: What's this?
- [holds up a weird silver object]
- Mrs. Seth Lord: I don't know dear.
- Caroline Lord: It stinks.
- Mrs. Seth Lord: Caroline, don't say stinks. If absolutely necessary, smells, but only if absolutely necessary.
- Caroline Lord: Mother, don't you think it's stinking of Tracy not to invite father to the wedding?
- Mrs. Seth Lord: Yes, just between us, I think it's good and stinking.
- Uncle Willie: I can't find Liz.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: I think I just saw someone wander out on to the terrace. Alone.
- Uncle Willie: You don't say. The little vixen!
- [leaves]
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Ollie ollie oxen free!
- [Liz comes out of hiding]
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: What's the matter? Uncle Willie giving you a little trouble?
- Liz Imbrie: That man's gonna wind up a juvenile delinquent mark my words.
- Mike Connor: Liz, I know I'm not destiny's dream man but...
- Liz Imbrie: Mike, I think I'd better grab you. You're likely to get in trouble one of these days.
- Mike Connor: [on telephone] This is the voice of doom.
- Mrs. Seth Lord: What?
- Mike Connor: This is to tell you your days are numbered.
- [hangs up]
- Mrs. Seth Lord: Oh dear. One of the servants has been at the sherry again.
- George Kittredge: I have a feeling you had more to do with this than anybody. You and your whole rotten class.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Oh class my...
- Mike Connor: grandmother!
- Mike Connor: [drunkenly] If you had really know her, you would've
- [hiccup]
- Mike Connor: never let her get away. You go hiccups.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Excuse me.
- Mike Connor: It's alright.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Hey, skipper, when do we eat?
- Tracy Lord: Now.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Boy, you've been at it long enough.
- Tracy Lord: It's bride's prerogative.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: It's just I don't like you out of my sight for so long.
- Tracy Lord: That's nice.
- Mrs. Seth Lord: This is Miss Elizabeth Imbrie and Mr Mike Macauley Connor. They're from Spy magazine.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Spy? Say your tastes have changed a little haven't they, Sam?
- Louis Armstrong: What goes on around here? There's a dark horse in this here race and my boy's running a slow third.
- Louis Armstrong: You could play football in this room.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: I know, but can you rehearse?
- Louis Armstrong: Is that chandelier tied tight up there?
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: If it gets to swinging a little put a mute in your horn.
- Tracy Lord: I would like to talk to you privately.
- C. K. Dexter-Haven: Well now, I consider that right neighborly.
- Mike Connor: Would you have four footmen bring me a large ashtray.
- Liz Imbrie: Mike, be careful what you say. We may be wired for sound.