- Sir Lancelot Spratt: You cut a patient he bleeds, until the processes of nature form a clot and stop it. This interval is known scientifically as the 'bleeding time'. You! What's the bleeding time?
- Simon Sparrow: Ten past ten, sir.
- Sir Lancelot Spratt: Alright, I've swallowed a doorknob. What would my symptoms be?
- Richard Grimsdyke: A slight indigestion?
- Stella: You'll never be a proper doctor. I want to marry a proper doctor.
- Richard Grimsdyke: But... I'll have to study!
- Stella: Yes.
- Grimsdyke: I'll... I'll have to pass the exams!
- Stella: Yes!
- Grimsdyke: My allowance will stop!
- Stella: Yes!
- Grimsdyke: I'll... Good heavens woman. I'll have to WORK !
- Stella: YES!
- Grimsdyke: And you say you love me?
- Sir Lancelot Spratt: You can cut the patient's throat while he's under general anaesthetic and nobody'll mind, but if you leave anything inside it'll be in the Sunday papers in no time.
- Jane: You're expecting failure; I'm not. I just don't admit the idea of failure; it doesn't exist. I expect a pass.
- Richard Grimsdyke: One wonders which examiner will be frustrated enough to make it.