- Clemson Reade: We haven't been able to make a definite plan since we met.
- Effie: Well, we went to Vermont for two weeks.
- Clemson Reade: Yes. Yes, that's right. To her grandfather's farm. For two wonderful relaxing weeks in glorious Vermont.
- Walter McBride: Tim'll be there in September.
- Clemson Reade: We spent *one* day there. She had to leave to take care of the crisis in the Sahara; some of the sand was missing.
- Effie: Well, you stayed on.
- Clemson Reade: With grandfather. It wasn't the same thing.
- Effie: Don't you think it's time to go to bed?
- Effie: [recites love poem] The night is filled with muted sounds / The air is still, but in the hush / The whispers of a thousand lovers. // You and I together here, to dream a thousand wonders / The night is still, we kiss, / And in my heart a thousand thunders.
- Effie: Clem...
- Clemson Reade: [softly] What?
- Effie: I am afraid that we'll have to postpone the wedding till after the oil deal is signed.
- Clemson Reade: [alarmed] What?
- Effie: I don't see any other way. Truly I don't. There are so many things to get done. Meetings, conferences, reports, and all of them so urgent.
- Clemson Reade: So is our wedding.
- Effie: But I mean *really* urgent.
- Mr. Brown: Mr Reade...
- Clemson Reade: Oh, good evening.
- Mr. Brown: I've been waiting to talk with you.
- Clemson Reade: Really? Anything wrong?
- Mr. Brown: Yes. It's about that, er, bearded gentleman.
- Clemson Reade: You mean our friendly skyscraper?
- Mr. Brown: He's been trying to buy our chambermaids!
- Clemson Reade: He has?
- Mr. Brown: Yes. He's been offering them positions in the Khan's harem.
- Clemson Reade: I hope he hasn't offended them.
- Mr. Brown: Offended them? Six of the girls have already accepted.
- Effie: [Pointing at a globe] Here is Bukistan.
- Clemson Reade: [mumbling] Oh, I know, I have been there.
- Effie: Here is the United States.
- Clemson Reade: [mumbling] Yes, yes, I have been there too.
- Effie: We have just *one* thing in common. Oil! Every plan we make for peace or war depends on that oil.
- Clemson Reade: 'That so?
- Effie: I don't have to tell you what happened in Iran. Half the free world had to learn how to pronounce the name Mosadegh.
- Clemson Reade: I still can't.
- Effie: The same thing is happening again, only this time there will a lot of new names to learn. And the only way to get that oil is to get those names on the dotted line.
- Clemson Reade: Oh, I didn't mean that. What you are doing *is* important.
- Effie: But not as important as cooking your breakfast. You don't need me for that. You can buy it for a dollar an hour. We've been emancipated, Mr. Reade. Have you heard of Susan B. Anthony?
- Clemson Reade: Can she cook?
- Clemson Reade: [as they walk toward the altar for their wedding] What can you expect from a woman? You're weak, helpless, and nothing but trouble. And that goes for all of you. Harriet Beecher Stowe. She wrote about slaves, didn't she? Well, it sure takes one to know one.
- Tarji: She great woman. She write Uncle Tom's Cabin.
- Clemson Reade: Susan B. Anthony...
- Tarji: Susan B. Anthony fight for woman's vote. And that not all. Carry Country...
- Clemson Reade: Carry Nation!
- Tarji: Carry Nation.
- Ali: Our women have been taught from birth the perfect art. How to make a man happy. The princess Tarji would be the ideal wife. Every secret and every skill of five thousand years have been imparted to her every day and night of her life. You see before you a woman who's entire being is dedicated to but one desire. The desire to bring to her husband the gift of complete happiness.
- Effie: Fix me a drink, will you, darling?
- Clemson Reade: Champagne coming up.
- Effie: Make it a Scotch and water, would you, Clem?
- Clemson Reade: Yes, dear, yes.
- Effie: No ice, just a lemon and...
- Effie, Clemson Reade: Easy on the water.
- Ali: The Khan of Bukistan is pleased that you have taken a fancy to his daughter Tarji.
- Clemson Reade: So am I.
- Ali: She is only a girl.
- Clemson Reade: Yes, isn't she? My, she's a wonderful girl. I didn't know they still made them like this.
- Ali: In Bukistan we are old fashioned. Women are wives and mothers, as Allah intended them to be. They are not taxi cab drivers and wrestlers.
- Clemson Reade: Yes, I see what you mean.
- Ali: I do not understand your country. In America machines do everything.
- Clemson Reade: Eh, not quite.
- Ali: American ingenuity will find a way.
- Effie: I wish you'd understand.
- Clemson Reade: I think I've understood all along. I've just been kidding myself. I want a full-time wife and you want a part-time husband, it's as simple as that.
- Effie: I'm in charge, Clem, whether you like it or not, I am in charge.
- Clemson Reade: Yes, yes, yes.
- Effie: So that's it. You think what I'm doing is like belonging to a garden club or having a hot game of Mahjong with the girls.
- Clemson Reade: Now, if a woman can run a home and still find time to have a career, that's fine. But first things first.
- Clemson Reade: Suppose there were a girl like that. Suppose I had found a girl who was trained from the day she was born to be a dream wife. What would you say?
- Charlie Elkwood: I'd say, "Has she got a friend?"
- Charlie Elkwood: [talking about his wife] I make it a practice to take May little presents every now and then. It's something I picked up from her first husband. He told me about it in court. It does help keep her quiet.
- Clemson Reade: There isn't one of you can look me straight in the eye and tell me you're happily married. You've had to make a million compromises. Why do we always have to cater to women? We put them on pedestals, we make up cockeyed rules about the weaker sex. You get into an elevator with one of the weaker sex and you take off our hat in some kind of pagan tribute. Twenty minutes later the same delicate female is driving a taxicab through traffic and cursing like a muleskinner. We keep treating them like flowers and they keep outliving us. Right now they control 70% of the wealth of this country and are they satisfied? No, they want to control the country. They're Ambassadors, they're in the Senate, they're even in the State Department.
- Ken Landwell: That fight with Effie must have been a lulu.
- Effie: This cable reads like a proposal of marriage to the Princess.
- Clemson Reade: That's exactly what it is.
- Effie: Are you serious?
- Clemson Reade: Are you asking as a woman or a member of the State Department?
- Effie: I thought you went over there to work.
- Clemson Reade: As a woman.
- Ken Landwell: [talking about his wife] Jean and I haven't had a quarrel in 10 years. We're never in the same room long enough.
- Effie: You hardly know the girl.
- Clemson Reade: I know her well enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her. By that time I should know her even better.
- Effie: What they're trying to tell you is: The Princess Tarji has heard so much about them she would very much like to have an American hot dog.
- Effie: You don't know what you'll be letting yourself in for. It's not like marrying an American girl.
- Clemson Reade: Oh, I hope not.
- Walter McBride: All this oil deal needs is one little match to blow it sky high. And this could be that match. Oh, the Khan seems friendly enough at present, but all his future son-in-law has to do is to whistle to a pretty blonde and we're dead.
- Walter McBride: Nothing must go wrong. Because if they pfft!, it'll be a pfft! all around the world.
- Walter McBride: The State Department has enough troubles without worrying about your love life. As far as I'm concerned you can have a harem. But when your irresponsible actions jeopardize the functions of this Office then I'm going to crack down. You were warned about this sort of thing, Reade.
- Clemson Reade: You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
- Walter McBride: And you were told to keep away from that mole hill until after you were married.
- Clemson Reade: Tarji is my fiancée. If I want to kiss her, what do you expect me to do? Telephone the Secretary of State?
- Walter McBride: Now look, Reade. I don't care to have the State Department put in the position of playing Peeping Tom. But for the next three months you're going to behave like Whistler's Mother.
- Clemson Reade: Why don't you run along and see a French movie or something?
- Effie: This is better than a French movie.
- Clemson Reade: [to Effie] I don't think I'll need you for the moment. Would you mind going over to the corner, relaxing? That's a good girl.
- Effie: Until the wedding you can't embrace her, or kiss her, or anything. After the wedding she becomes your property.
- Clemson Reade: You make me sound like a landlord.
- Ken Landwell: Clem, how did you train her to light your cigarette?
- Clemson Reade: I didn't train her. She's not a trick dog. All she cares about is whether I'm happy. It's a natural instinct.
- Henry Malvine: Some instinct.
- Charlie Elkwood: Tell us about some of her other instincts.
- Mrs. Jean Landwell: Here, put my gloves in your pocket.
- Ken Landwell: But, darling, I'm already carrying your compact.
- Mrs. Jean Landwell: Do as I tell you.
- Walter McBride: You're becoming quite a problem.
- Clemson Reade: Oh, not really, I'm just a normal, high-spirited American boy.
- Walter McBride: We're going to see if we can control those high spirits.
- Clemson Reade: I don't know why I have to feel like Benedict Arnold every time I want to kiss the girl I'm going to marry. The American people have stood for inflation and high taxes but let Washington try to control *everything* and you'll have a revolution.
- Effie: What about my hats?
- Clemson Reade: Well, if you really want to know, they're the most ridiculous hats I've ever seen. They all look like crackerjack prizes. But did I complain? No.
- Effie: You used to compliment me on my hats.
- Clemson Reade: Isn't that what you wanted me to do?
- Effie: Don't you understand, Clem? She's like a kid with a new television set. She's learned a new word, freedom. And now she's just fiddling with all the knobs.
- Tarji: I learned new thing today.
- Clemson Reade: That's fine! Tell Clem.
- Tarji: I open charges account. I go in many stores. They are very nice. Macy, Gimble, Sak. One store much fun. Many games.
- Clemson Reade: Games?
- Tarji: Yes. You put money in and you win sandwich, soup, coffee. I win all time.
- Clemson Reade: That's the Automat.
- Tarji: Au-to-mat.
- Effie: If every woman told the man she's going to marry what she really thinks, this would be a nation of old maids!
- Effie: One sees with the heart, not the eyes.
- [repeats it in Bukistanian]
- Khan of Bukistan: You speak Bukistanian.
- Effie: I speak all the important languages, Your Excellency. And what you say is true of some American women. But that is because we need guidance. The guidance of men who are wise and strong. Men who can make women what they were meant to be.
- Khan of Bukistan: Your country is foolish to allow women to meddle in government. The coach of State cannot be driven from the back seat.
- Khan of Bukistan: In the rest of the world women know their place. In your country women have forgotten to be women. American women are not mothers. They're fathers. I will not let my daughter become a father.