- Ramona Gladwyn: Say one thing about our marriage. If there's such a thing as an un-jackpot, I've hit it!
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: [Having been blackmailed into a divorce settlement, hands confirmation of their non-marriage to Eve] It's just a few simple words on a simple sheet of paper, but take it, my dear, and bless you.
- Eve Melrose: Oh, no! No.!
- [Eve faints, Freddie lights a cigar and calls his Secretary]
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: Miss O'Brien?
- Secretary: Yes, sir?
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: Are the two gentlemen still there?
- Secretary: Yes, sir.
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: Please tell them for me that they may drop in any time now and pick up their client.
- Willie's Sergeant: There's only one thing I can think of for you to do.
- Wilson Boswell 'Willie' Fisher: What's that?
- Willie's Sergeant: Try not to get shot.
- Pinky: What's the matter with him? Who don't try not to get shot?
- Attorney Stone: Next, looks like the jackpot: the AT&T stock. You really went to town on that one, didn't you? 30,000 shares.
- Eve Melrose: Dat's de one I'm *really* interested in.
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: It's blackmail, blackmail. That's all it is.
- Attorney Stone: Please Mr Melrose - Mrs Melrose is still your wife.
- Hector C. Woodruff: We all got higher than kites, then moved the party up to my place and kept it going for two days. Don't you remember?
- Katie Woodruff: No. Do you know why not?
- Hector C. Woodruff: Why?
- Katie Woodruff: That wasn't me with you that night.
- Hector C. Woodruff: Oh. No?
- Katie Woodruff: I've never been in the Latin Quarter in my life.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: If we're married by tomorrow, we have a chance at a top radio program. It's a breakfast show. And we'll be a fine, wholesome, young American couple having a bit of good, clean, nauseating fun over the bacon and eggs every morning. However revolting this may appear to you it means a very pretty penny to Miss, uh, Goody Two-Shoes and to me.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: I think I'd rather have it handled by somebody who's already up on the part. Wouldn't you, doll baby?
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: When the revolution comes, Mr. Graves, the first blow struck will be against radio programs that mention more than 25 sponsors during the first 10 minutes.
- Ramona Gladwyn: Oh, it's like a beautiful dream come true.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: It's like sweet bells across the countryside at twilight.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: You can't kid me. With all this muck we're peddling, Mrs. Gruesome and I are gonna end up in an electric love seat yet.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: I ask for very little on this program. Simply that Mrs. Gladwyn drop dead.
- Ramona Gladwyn: What a glorious day it is, to be sure.
- Steven S. 'Steve' Gladwyn: If there were birds this high, they'd be singing away like a choir of Mario Lanzas!
- Katie Woodruff: Maybe it was Frankie.
- Hector C. Woodruff: I don't even know a Frankie.
- Katie Woodruff: Wasn't that her name? That fat one you picked up at a bus stop.
- Hector C. Woodruff: Francesca. And she wasn't fat either.
- Katie Woodruff: She looked like a bag full of watermelons.
- Hector C. Woodruff: If it wasn't you, I don't remember who it was.
- Katie Woodruff: Or that girl with those wonderful, big gums. What was her name?
- Hector C. Woodruff: Why do you keep saying that? Her gums weren't any bigger than anybody else's.
- Eve Melrose: How would you like me to fly down and join you dere one night? Maybe tonight. And we took a look around the town together, just for the fun of it.
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: In-Indeed I would, poochy. Uh, we-we might have another shot at the rhumba, eh?
- Wilson Boswell 'Willie' Fisher: We gotta get over there fast. I got it. You cross over and swing it a little.
- [demonstrates swiveling his hips]
- Patricia 'Patsy' Reynolds Fisher: What?
- Wilson Boswell 'Willie' Fisher: Just a little so those apes will keep their eyes on you.
- Frederick C. 'Freddie' Melrose: Look here, do you think I should have a cold bottle of the bubbly waiting for you?
- Eve Melrose: Dat's de idea.