- Glimpy McClosky: I'm not stupid!
- Muggs McGinnis: No, you're not stupid, you just suffer from a shortage of corrugations on the cerebellum.
- Glimpy McClosky: [oblivious] Oh, that's different.
- Muggs McGinnis: There's no smokin' around here.
- Messenger with Telegram: I ain't smokin'.
- Muggs McGinnis: You got a cigarette in your mouth, haven't ya?
- Messenger with Telegram: Sure. I've got shoes on my feet but I ain't walkin'.
- Glimpy McClosky: Hey, Muggs, that guy talks English just as good as we do.
- Muggs McGinnis: Don't be silly. Nobody talks English as good as we do.
- [Glimpy's middle-aged cousin wants to join the gang]
- Muggs McGinnis: How old are ya?
- Herbie: Fourteen.
- Muggs McGinnis: How old?
- Herbie: Fourteen.
- Muggs McGinnis: That makes twenty-eight. That's a little bit closer. When's your birthday.
- Herbie: Whadda YOU care? You're not gonna gimme nuttin'.
- Muggs McGinnis: How do YOU know? I'm a very magnaminous man.
- Muggs McGinnis: You know, Miss Cortland, marriage is a very confiscated and detrimental affair. You can't rush into it too headstrong.
- Muggs McGinnis: Pardon the decrusion, Mr. Cortland. As secretary, chairman and president of the East Side Social Improvement Athletic Club, we wish to acknowledge and receive and accept this gymnasium for our personal use pro tem and finitum.
- Glimpy McClosky: Look, Cap, if you took one look at my face, you could tell I got an honest kisser.
- Captain Mathews: Yeah, if you would've washed that face maybe we could see it a little better.
- Muggs McGinnis: What is this, a beauty parlor or a police station?
- Glimpy McClosky: Hey, Muggs! Muggs! Look who's here.
- Muggs McGinnis: What's dat?
- Glimpy McClosky: He's my cousin on my mudda's side.
- Muggs McGinnis: What's on your fadda's side?
- Glimpy McClosky: Mustard plaster.
- Muggs McGinnis: You're demoted.