- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Your authority supersedes my iniquity, but if that's the way you feel about it, if you ever get a promotion, we won't even put your picture in our paper.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: In the words of that great Chinese detective, "Would number one son please reflain from bleaking chain of thought, please?"
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Ain't you got no initiative?
- Glimpy McClusky: I got a middle initiative. Eh, Francis, my maiden name.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: It's a good thing you guys didn't go along. It was cruel. We left just as Rigus Mortis came in.
- Glimpy McClusky: Yeah, and dhen his brudda came - Post Mortum.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: I'd advise ya to melt your head and turn it in to the fat drive. Get a nickel a pound, you know? You could buy yourself a nice big lollipop.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Say, uh, how do you spell cata-strophy?
- Old Sports Writer: Can o' what?
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Oh, you're so unintelligible. "Cata-strophy." A big thing, you know? Everybody gets moidered. Everybody's gettin' killed. "Cata-strophy."
- Old Sports Writer: Never heard of the animal.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Hey, Joe, you went as high as the fifth grade. Spell me "Cata-strophy," will ya?
- Newspaper Sports Writer: If you're referring to the word catastrophe, meaning a calamity of great magnitude from the Latin and Greek derivation...?
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: I ain't interested in the Latins and the Greeks. I'm talkin' about a baseball game. Aw, forget it. I'll use mass-e-crate.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Well, let's put an end to all these terminological and exactitudes. I'm goin' up to see Gypsy.
- Apartment Manager: I'm sorry. Miss Carmen isn't seeing ANYONE.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Oh, but she'll see me. It's very impulsive.
- Apartment Manager: I said I'm sorry. Miss Carmen is not seeing ANYONE.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: Don't you think that you are being a little recalcitrant?
- Apartment Manager: Miss Carmen isn't seeing ANYONE.
- Ethelbert 'Muggs' McGinnis: [heading for the exit] I still think you're a very detractive young lady.