- Robert Gregory: That fella hasn't missed a performance in over a year. I don't think I'll ever get a chance to play the part now. Especially if the immigration department decides I have to leave the country tonight. If I do have to leave, I'll bet Mr. Barrett gets sick tomorrow night.
- Patricia O'Malley: Listen, General, there's 8 million people in New York, counting Brooklyn and Queens, why pick on me to run into?
- Patricia O'Malley: Now, don't tell me the age of chivalry is dead. You wouldn't want me to miss my own wedding. Be a good fellow and wait for another cab.
- Patricia O'Malley: Say, don't go around looking at women like that! They'll marry you by the dozen. You'll wind up in jail for bigamy.
- Robert Gregory: Suppose you do miss the boat? If this Mr. Gardner loves you, he'll wait.
- Patricia O'Malley: But a girl's an awful sucker to leave a $6 million fiancé loose on a boat with a lot of women.
- Patricia O'Malley: You've got a lot of nerve! A total stranger butting in and telling me I'm a gold digger!
- Patricia O'Malley: Let me tell you something, Mr. Butter-In, my sister married for love. You know what she's got? Six kids, four rooms and a washing machine.
- Charles Gardner: Griggs, what do you think of women?
- Griggs: Well all I know is what I see in the movies, Sir. You know, 'oomph' and all that sort of thing.
- Charles Gardner: Listen, carefully: all women are perfidious. As proof, witness the heart-rendering and romantic disappointment of your Master, Charles Spencer Gardner the Third. Griggs, my world is at an end. I don't know what I'm going to do next?
- Griggs: Might I suggest, Sir, as a temporary measure, a brandy and soda with just a dash of ice.
- Charles Gardner: Griggs, old boy, at times you're almost human.
- Taxi Driver: Lady, he ain't got any pockets and my meter says $1.10.
- Patricia O'Malley: No pockets? Say, what kind of an army are you in?
- Robert Gregory: I'm not exactly in an army. I'm an actor.
- Taxi Driver: Now I'll never get paid.
- Robert Gregory: I was being deported - on that boat.
- Patricia O'Malley: Deported? What for? You're a citizen, aren't you?
- Robert Gregory: I thought I was; but, the immigration department decided otherwise. You see, my parents failed to take out citizenship papers.
- Patricia O'Malley: Gee, that's tough luck.
- Boy at Block Party: Gee, Mr. Sascha, ain't this a swell party! This is life!
- Sascha: Life? What is life? You're born, you die.
- Sascha: Ah, a General! Have you an army?
- Robert Gregory: Why, no. I...
- Sascha: We don't need much. A few tanks, a few thousand men, a machine gun here, a tank there, and 'poof'! The Romanovs are restorated.
- Patricia O'Malley: Tell Mary I'm bringing him home with me. She better find a place for him to sleep.
- Sascha: He knows me! He loves me too. He's the best a-monkey in the whole world! But, yesterday I make-a mistake. I bring him to the zoo and he fell in love with a monkey girl. And now, he's a-love a-sick. That's all.
- Mary: I made two wishes. You know, when you see the new moon over your shoulder, you get anything you wish for.
- Robert Gregory: [in the basement] You've got to learn to make the best of everything.
- Patricia O'Malley: Make the best of - Coming from you, that's something. Let's take you, for instance, what have you got to make the best out of - oh, you know what I mean.
- Robert Gregory: Everything! Music. A beautiful woman. A wonderful night.
- Patricia O'Malley: I don't mean to be fussy; but, what woman and how much of a night do you see down here?
- Robert Gregory: All of it. All the heavens. Look. There's the Milky Way.
- Patricia O'Malley: Looks like a strand of garlic to me.
- Robert Gregory: That all depends on your point of view. There's the Big Dipper. There's the moon - and a full moon, no less. There's Jupiter. Saturn. Mars.
- [points to Patricia]
- Robert Gregory: And here's Venus.
- Patricia O'Malley: Something tells me I better say good night.
- Griggs: No relief, Sir?
- Charles Gardner: None.
- Griggs: Shall we try some more bicarbonate, Sir?
- Charles Gardner: No. The bicarbonate interferes with the brandy.
- Patricia O'Malley: Maybe you could get back into the country legally some way?
- Robert Gregory: The only way I could legally enter the country would be under the quota. They take 322 in that way every year.
- Patricia O'Malley: You see! There's always a way out.
- Robert Gregory: Yes; but, there are 64,953 ahead of me.
- Mary: I wish there was something we could do to bring her back to her senses. She'll never be happy with him! She'll be as a bird in a gilded cage.
- Charles Gardner: Griggs...
- Griggs: Yes, Sir.
- Charles Gardner: Get me my lawyer and a bottle of brandy.
- Griggs: Very good, SIr.
- Charles Gardner: Griggs...
- Griggs: I know, Sir. Get the brandy before I get the lawyer.
- Charles Gardner: Griggs, never mind the lawyer. Just get the brandy.
- Griggs: Very good, Sir.
- Patricia O'Malley: It's funny. Someone better brush the hayseed out of my hair. Imagine me falling for as phony and as silly a line as he pulled on me!
- Sascha: You mean, with false words he lured you into...
- Patricia O'Malley: Huh?
- Sascha: Lured you into his arms?
- Patricia O'Malley: Well, that's one way of putting it.
- Luigi: I talk and talk to-a Mr. Willoughby! But, is no use. Is no use! He say if we don't pay rent, we gotta go out! Skidoo! Or, scram!
- Radio Announcer: Quite the most interesting and unusual event to be heard tonight, at nine o'clock, on the Andre Kostelanetz Hour, will be two song numbers by Bob Gregory. Gregory, you will remember, is the young man who startled Broadway with a brilliant performance when he stepped into Raymond Barrett's role in "The Gay Guardsman."
- Robert Gregory: [singing] It's a blue world without you, It's a blue world alone; My days and nights, that once were filled with heaven, With you away, how empty they have grown...
- Robert Gregory: [singing] I've got music in my heart, Oh, what music in my heart, I can't eat, I can't talk, Without symphonies playing, I've got feet, That won't walk, Without swinging and swaying, My heart's made of singing strings, When they play, My heart has wings, I can't move, From this groove...
- Robert Gregory: You don't mean Charles Gardner, the millionaire publisher?
- Patricia O'Malley: Uh huh,
- Robert Gregory: Say, he's got lots of money.
- Patricia O'Malley: Most millionaires have.
- Griggs: Shall we try some more bicarbonate, sir?
- Charles Gardner: No, the bicarbonate interferes with the brandy.
- Robert Gregory: If you don't mind me saying so, you don't sound very much in love with him.
- Patricia O'Malley: I do mind.
- Robert Gregory: Well, then, I won't say it.