- Jeffrey Baird: [picks up phone] Hello?
- Cecil Flintridge: Oh, hello, Jeffrey. Yes, are you there?
- Jeffrey Baird: Of course I'm here.
- Cecil Flintridge: Now don't shout at me - I'm in jail.
- Jeffrey Baird: Well, that's all right; we don't need you.
- Cecil Flintridge: I'm in jail for battery, and I want you to get me out. I'm at the Susquehannah Street Jail . . . Susquehannah! Susquehannah - S-U-S-Q-U-Q! Q! You know, the thing you play billiards with . . . Billiards! B-I-L-L-
- Policeman at Jail: What is this, a spelling bee?
- Cecil Flintridge: Ahem. No, "L" for larynx. L-A-R-Y . . . N-No, not "M", N! . . . "N" as in neighbor! Neighbor, N-E-I-G-H-B--B! B! Bzzz. Bzzz. You know, the stinging insect! Insect! I-N-S-S! S, for symbol. S-Y . . . Y! Y!
- Jeffrey Baird: Well, why? Don't ask me "why."
- Cecil Flintridge: Look, Jeffrey. I'm in jail. W-wait a minute. What jail did you say this was?
- Policeman at Jail: Susquehannah Street Jail.
- Cecil Flintridge: Thank you, indeed. Thank you very much. I'm in the Substi--The Subset-Jeffrey, listen closely . . . Do you know where the Oak Street Jail is? You do? Fine. I'll have them transfer me there in the morning!
- Newsboy: [shouting] Petrov and Keene: secret marriage!
- Peter P. Peters: We're the only two people in New York who don't think we're married.
- Linda Keene: Think? I know we're not.
- Peter P. Peters: I'm beginning to have my doubts.
- Arthur Miller: [to Jeff] Well, to tell the truth, I don't know you well enough to tell you the truth.
- Arthur Miller: What does your watch say?
- Jeffrey Baird: It says, "Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick."
- Peter P. Peters: I told you, I haven't even met her. But I'd kinda like to marry her... I think I will.
- Peter P. Peters aka Petrov: Isn't it wonderful being here tonight like this, still on the same boat together.
- Linda Keene: Oh, I seldom change boats mid ocean.
- Linda Keene: I'm just a bowl in a gold of fish!
- Arthur Miller: You mean a fish in a bowl of gold.
- Linda Keene: That's what I said, a bowl in a goldfish!
- Jeffrey Baird: [after finding Peter tap-dancing] What were you doing?
- Peter P. Peters: Oh, just having fun.
- Jeffrey Baird: The great Petrov doesn't dance for fun!
- Peter P. Peters: Maybe not, but I do. Pete Peters, remember me?
- Jeffrey Baird: Oh, that awful name of yours!
- Peter P. Peters: I dunno, I kinda like it! Peter P. Peters, Philadelphia, PA.
- [Does short dance step]
- Jeffrey Baird: How do you make that exasperating noise? What have you got on those shoes?
- Peter P. Peters: Taps.
- Jeffrey Baird: Taps! On your ballet shoes!
- Peter P. Peters: Aw, but Jeff, I haven't neglected anything! Observe! The Entrechat Trois!
- [Does ballet step]
- Jeffrey Baird: Lovely! Beautiful!
- Peter P. Peters: But how much more effective it is this way!
- [Does tap variation on ballet step]
- Jeffrey Baird: [after newspaper boy yells at him in French] What does that mean in English?
- French Hall man: The same thing it means in French, Monsieur.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] But oh, if we call the whole thing off, then we must part. And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart.
- Linda Keene: [singing] They all said we'd never get together. Darling, let's take a bow. For ho, ho, ho! Who's got the last laugh, now?
- Linda Keene: [singing] They all laughed at Fulton and his steamboat, Hershey and his chocolate bar. Ford and his Lizzie, kept the laughers busy. That's how people are.
- Linda Keene: [singing] You like Havana and I like Havahna. You eat banana and I eat banahna. Havana, Havahna, banana, banahna. Let's call the whole thing off.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] You say either and I say eyether. You say neither and I say nyther. Either, eyether, neither, nyther. Let's call the whole thing off.
- Linda Keene: [singing] You say laughter and I say lawfter. You say after and I say awfter. Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter. Let's call the whole thing off.
- Linda Keene: [singing] The odds were a hundred to one against me. The world thought the heights were too high to climb. But people from Missouri never incensed me. Oh, I wasn't a bit concerned, for from history I had learned, how many, many times the worm had turned.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] So, if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas, I'll wear pyjamas and give up pyjahmas. For we know we need each other, so we better call the calling off off. Oh, let's call the whole thing off.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] Things have come to a pretty pass. Our romance is growing flat. 'Cause you like this and the other, while I go for this and that. Goodness knows what the end will be. Oh, I don't know where I'm at. It's plain to see we two will never make one. Something must be done.
- Linda Keene: [singing] They laughed at me wanting you, said it would be, 'Hello, goodbye.' But oh, you came through. Now they're eating humble pie.
- Linda Keene: [singing] But oh, if we call the whole thing off, then we must part. And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart.
- Linda Keene: [singing] They all said we never would be happy. They laughed at us and how. But ho, ho, ho! Who's got the last laugh now?
- Linda Keene: [singing] They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother, when they said that man could fly.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] You like potato and I like potahto. You like tomato and I like tomahto. Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto! Oh, let's call the whole thing off.
- Linda Keene: [singing] They laughed at me wanting you, said I was reaching for the moon. But oh, you came through. Now they'll have to change their tune.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] We may never, never meet again, on the bumpy road to love. But I'll always, always keep the memory of the way you hold your knife. The way we danced till three. The way you changed my life. No, no, they can't take that away from me.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] The way your smile just beams. The way you sing off key. The way you haunt my dreams. No, no, they can't take that away from me.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] Our romance won't end on a sorrowful note. Though by tomorrow, you're gone, the song is ended, but as the songwriter wrote, the melody lingers on.
- Peter P. Peters: [singing] They may take you from me. I'll miss your fond caress. But though they take you from me, I'll still possess the way you wear your hat. The way you sip your tea. The memory of all that. Oh, no, they can't take that away from me.
- Linda Keene: [singing] So, if you like oysters and I like ersters, I'll take oysters and give up ersters. For we know we need each other, so we better call the calling off off. Let's call the whole thing off.