Cockeyed Cavaliers (1934)

Robert Woolsey: Robert Maltravers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bert : You blew your nose!

  Bob : I did not blow my nose. It was your imagination!

  Bert : Oh, no. My imagination doesn't make a noise like that.

• Bob : Get that silly look off of your face! Every time you do that I know you're ready to lift something--and you promised me you weren't gonna steal another thing!

  Bert : You know I can't help lifting things. It's a disease! Y'know, the doctor says that I'm a kleptomaniac.

  Bob : Yeah, well why don't you take something for it?

  Bert : I've taken everything. But you know, I don't really steal.

  Bob : Aw, no, you don't steal--you just find a lot of things that haven't been lost, that's all!

• Bert : I wonder who this carriage belongs to?

  Bob : Oh, some great duchess, I suppose. I hope she doesn't find us under here. She's liable to have us beheaded.

  Bert : Beheaded? Can she do that?

  Bob : Sure. She can be head.

• Bert : Do you think we ought to send for a lawyer?

  Bob : Certainly not. We're in enough trouble as it is.

• Bob : Come on. Let's get outta here.

  Bert : Wait a minute. You wouldn't leave that kid in that fight would you?

  Bob : Certainly not.

  Bert : We're men of iron!

  Bob : Yeah, but I'm a little rusty today.

• Bob : Hi ya, there, sister, hi ya there. Eh, I'm only kidding, but, suppose you and I get married?

  Tavern Wench : Oh, no. The man I marry must be young and handsome.

  Bob : Well, you're no prize. You've got a face that only a mother could love.

  Tavern Wench : Oh, yes. But, I'm about to inherit 10,000 sovereigns.

  Bob : Then I'm about to become a mother.

• Bob : Who's that big windjammer back there?

  Tavern Wench : Oh, shhh. You better not let him hear you say that. He cracks men's skulls just for amusement.

  Bob : I was just going to say, a very witty person. A merry wag, in deed.

• Bert : What does that all mean?

  Bob : It means that the clothes we have on belongs to the King's physician. So, from now on, we're a couple of doctors.

  Mary Ann Dale : Surgeons?

  Bob : No, I could never be a surgeon. Too much inside work.

• The Duke's Valet : Welcome to the manor of the Duke of Weskit.

  Mary Ann Dale : The Duke of Weskit?

  Bob : Not bad. Not bad. And from the looks of this joint, he must be a gay old dog. Well, here's where we teach the old dog some new tricks.

• Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor. I'm so glad you've come. Would you like to make an examination at once?

  Bob : Would I like to make an examination? Why, you know I would you little devil. Hi ya, Gracie.

  Lady Genevieve : What?

  Bob : Hi ya, Gracie.

  Lady Genevieve : Why, you said that before?

  Bob : Oh, that's where I heard it.

• Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor, I think you're making a mistake.

  Bob : Not with you, baby. Not with you. Now, how's your heart? Take a deep breathe.

• Lady Genevieve : But, doctor, I'm not the patient.

  Bob : What, you're not Grace?

  Lady Genevieve : His Grace is my Uncle the Duke and he's suffering from insomnia and I'm afraid its affecting his heart.

  Bob : Well, we'll soon put a stop to that! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna prescribe a glass of whiskey every 15 minutes.

  Lady Genevieve : For Uncle?

  Bob : No, for me!

• Bob : Doc, you're just in time. We're just about ready to have a diagnosis.

  Bert : Well, I've never drank one but I'll take a chance.

• Bob : You know, toots, you and I are gonna be great pals. By the way, what does insomnia mean?

  Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor!

• Bob : Now, take it easy, Gracie, this is not going to hurt you much. I'll blow very easy.

  Bert : What happened?

  Bob : He blew first!

• Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor, isn't the moon glorious. You know, I've always wanted to see the man in the moon.

  Bob : Not me. I'd rather see a woman in the sun.

• Bob : Hi there, Jen! Doggone, what a beautiful dress you have on!

  Lady Genevieve : My dressmaker says it's the coming thing.

  Bob : Heh! It must be coming - because there's a lot of it that hasn't arrived yet.

  Baron Moxford : Will you put the powder puff away.

  [Lady Genevieve stuffs it in the front of her dress] 

  Bob : Can I help you?

• Bob : Well, I hope our paths cross again.

  Tavern Singer : Well, I hope so!

  Bob : That makes it a double-cross.

• Lady Genevieve : And you enjoyed your dinner too. Didn't you doctor? Don't you just love wild game?

  Bob : Genny, the wildest game I ever played was Post Office.

• Bob : Listen.

  [Strums an overly large guitar] 

  Lady Genevieve : Ah, you play!

  Bob : Do I play? Listen, I play this thing so well some folks got me up out of bed one night to play it for them.

  Lady Genevieve : And you got dressed and did it?

  Bob : No, I played in my pajamas. I was going along swell too and all of the sudden a string broke.

  Lady Genevieve : On the guitar?

  Bob : No, on the pajamas.

  Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor!

• Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor, we can be alone. Look up into that window.

  Bob : Hey, what do you think I am? A peeping Tom?

  Lady Genevieve : That's Uncle's room and when the light goes out, meet me on my balcony.

  Bob : Will I be on that balcony!

  Lady Genevieve : I'll be waiting - with bells on.

  Bob : Never mind the bells, honey!

• Lady Genevieve : Oh, doctor, can't you prescribe something for this dreadful heat?

  Bob : No. I can make 'em warm, but, I can't cool 'em off.

• Bob : She's liable to have us beheaded.

  Bert : Beheaded? Can she do that?

  Bob : Sure, she can be had.

  [sic] 

• Bert : You know, the doctor says I'm a kleptomaniac.

  Bob : Yeah, well why don't you take something for it?

  Bert : I've taken everything.