Cockeyed Cavaliers (1934)

Bert Wheeler: Bert Winstanley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bert : You blew your nose!

  Bob : I did not blow my nose. It was your imagination!

  Bert : Oh, no. My imagination doesn't make a noise like that.

• Bob : Get that silly look off of your face! Every time you do that I know you're ready to lift something--and you promised me you weren't gonna steal another thing!

  Bert : You know I can't help lifting things. It's a disease! Y'know, the doctor says that I'm a kleptomaniac.

  Bob : Yeah, well why don't you take something for it?

  Bert : I've taken everything. But you know, I don't really steal.

  Bob : Aw, no, you don't steal--you just find a lot of things that haven't been lost, that's all!

• Bert : I wonder who this carriage belongs to?

  Bob : Oh, some great duchess, I suppose. I hope she doesn't find us under here. She's liable to have us beheaded.

  Bert : Beheaded? Can she do that?

  Bob : Sure. She can be head.

• Bert : Do you think we ought to send for a lawyer?

  Bob : Certainly not. We're in enough trouble as it is.

• Bob : Come on. Let's get outta here.

  Bert : Wait a minute. You wouldn't leave that kid in that fight would you?

  Bob : Certainly not.

  Bert : We're men of iron!

  Bob : Yeah, but I'm a little rusty today.

• Bert : What does that all mean?

  Bob : It means that the clothes we have on belongs to the King's physician. So, from now on, we're a couple of doctors.

  Mary Ann Dale : Surgeons?

  Bob : No, I could never be a surgeon. Too much inside work.

• Bob : Doc, you're just in time. We're just about ready to have a diagnosis.

  Bert : Well, I've never drank one but I'll take a chance.

• Bob : Now, take it easy, Gracie, this is not going to hurt you much. I'll blow very easy.

  Bert : What happened?

  Bob : He blew first!

• Bob : She's liable to have us beheaded.

  Bert : Beheaded? Can she do that?

  Bob : Sure, she can be had.

  [sic] 

• Bert : You know, the doctor says I'm a kleptomaniac.

  Bob : Yeah, well why don't you take something for it?

  Bert : I've taken everything.