- Jewish Tourist's Wife: Mister, will you kindly tell us where is the house of Victor Hugo?
- Jack Forbes: Victor Hugo, the man who wrote the movie "The Man Who Laughs"?
- Jewish Tourist: Yes.
- Jack Forbes: I never heard of him.
- Simon Johanssen: Well, what can we do for you today?
- A Scotsman: How much do you charge for a ticket to Edinburgh?
- Peter Swanson: To where?
- A Scotsman: To Edinburgh.
- Peter Swanson: [they put him on the weighing scales] Two hundred and fifty dollars.
- A Scotsman: [outraged] Two hundred and fifty dollars?
- Peter Swanson: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
- A Scotsman: Hoots, mon!
- Peter Swanson: He's got owl blood in him!
- A Scotsman: How much do you charge for shipping a dead man?
- Simon Johanssen: Thirty five dollars.
- A Scotsman: Thirty five dollars?
- [he exits and a shot is heard. Peter rings up $35 on the cash register]