- Stan: [as Agnes the Maid] Bedrooms, let's see, there's mine and the master's and the master's and mine. That's four.
- Lady Plumtree: No no, there's the master's then yours. That's two.
- Stan: Oh, yeah. Then there's the nursery.
- Lady Plumtree: A nursery? I didn't know the colonel was married.
- Stan: Oh, he has that in case of accidents.
- Stan: [posing as the butler] You wish to see Colonel Buckshot?
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: Why, I'd LOVE to! Hauw-haw-haw-huh-huh-huh-huh!
- Stan: [turning away and calling toward the stairway] Colonel Buckshot!
- [a few seconds pass with no answer]
- Stan: Oh, Ollie - - uh - - Colonel Buckshot!
- [No answer]
- Stan: [speaking to Lord Plumtree and his wife] Wait there.
- [He walks several yards to the foot of the stairs, then cups his hand to his mouth and hollers up the stairs]
- Stan: Colonel BUCKshot...
- [using his classic shrill whistle]
- Stan: ... HHREEE-YER-REEET!
- Ollie: [posing as Colonel Buckshot] What is it, Hives?
- Stan: [wincing at the derogatory name Hardy has chosen for him] Lord Appletree - - he wants to rent a room.
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: No, no, my dear fellow - - 'PLUMtree'. 'PLUMtree'. Lord Leopold 'Plumtree' - - my card. And I wish to rent the entire HOUSE.
- [inspects the new card that Lord Plumtree has given him, then absently tosses the first card away]
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: [to Stan who is dressed as the maid] Pardon me, are you any relation to the butler?
- Ollie: Oh, yes, yes, they're twins. You see, one was born in Detroit, the other in Mee-ami.
- [laughs]
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: I don't quite understand.
- Ollie: Oh, that's all right. Neither do they.
- [laughs]
- Lady Plumtree: Agnes, how long have you been here?
- Stan: [in drag as the maid] About half an hour.
- [realizing what she has said]
- Stan: Oh, heh!
- [laughs]
- Stan: How silly of me! I'm so nervous. Heh, I mean half a year - to be exact, three months!
- Policeman: Say, Kelly, did a couple of bozos come through here?
- Policeman: Yeah, a couple just ran in there, why?
- Policeman: Well, they was trying to make a *hotel* out of the city park - - they had even put a couple of benches together so they could have twin beds! And when I told them to move on, the little fella tips his hat and says "yes ma'am." That's what I'm sore about!
- Ollie: [after finding that they have gotten locked into Colonel Buckshot's cellar by the doors' outside latch-hooks falling shut] Well - - here's another nice mess you've gotten me into. "Yes, *Ma'am*"
- [disgustedly takes a half-hearted swing at Stan]
- Ollie: I beg your pardon, Lord Figtree!
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: Plumtree, my dear fellow, Plumtree. My card.
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: Oh, by the way, Colonel, do you have any horses?
- Ollie: [posing as Colonel Buckshot] I'm sorry... I've just shipped all my horses to my plantation in Kentucky.
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: Kentucky? What part of Kentucky do you come from, Colonel?
- Ollie: [fondly and grandly] Omaha... dear old Omaha!
- Stan: I thought Omaha was in Wisconsin.
- Ollie: Oh, Agnes - - meet your new master, Lord Flagpole Crabtree.
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: PLUMtree... PLUMtree! Lord Leopold PLUMtree! My cahd.
- Ollie: That's RIGHT!
- Ollie: Ahhh... at last I have found it, Lord Appletree!
- Lord Leopold Ambrose Plumtree: Plumtree, my dear fellow! Plumtree! Accent on the "Lum". My card.
- [He reaches in his pocket for another card, but accidentally takes out three cards at once, which he hands to Hardy]
- Ollie: [leafing through the cards and reading them off one-by-one] "Plumtree"... "Plumtree"... "Plumtree"... I am awfully sorry.
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: [shaking his hand in surprise and pain after the brace holding up the lid of the piano vibrates loose and the lid falls shut and pinches Lord Plumtree's finger] Oh, I say! I SAY!
- Ollie: Oh, I beg your pardon, Lord Figtree!
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: 'PLUMtree!' 'PLUMtree'! Lord Leopold 'Plumtree'!
- [He hands Hardy another card]
- Ollie: Ah, a thousand pardons - - my mistake!
- Lady Plumtree: Tell me Agnes, how many maids does the Colonel keep?
- Stan: [dressed as a maid] Oh, he never tells me his private affairs.
- Lady Plumtree: Private affairs? Why, servants aren't private affairs.
- Stan: Oh, some of them are.
- Ollie: Did you wish to see me?
- Col. Wilburforce Buckshot: So, you're Colonel Buckshot?
- Ollie: At your service. The last of the Kentucky Buckshots!
- Ollie: There's a picture I must show you. That's a gondola going through the Panama Canal - in Venice.
- Talking Titles, Talking Titles: Dear ladies and gentlemen, Hal Roach presents for your entertainment and approval, Laurel and Hardy, in their latest comedy entitled, "Another Fine Mess".
- Lord Leopold Ambrose Plumtree: [to Lady Plumtree] Now dear, will you return to the depot and attend to our trunks; while I go over final details with dear old Bucky.
- Ollie: [pretending to be Col. Buckshot] Quite right, Plummy.
- Colonel Wilburforce Buckshot: Now bear in mind, Reytnold, i'm leaving everything in your care. Be sure that the person who rents my house is reliable. A person you could trust!
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: How much do you want for the rent?
- Ollie: Would $20 a month be too much?
- Lord Leopold Plumtree: $20 a month? That's practically giving it away.
- Ollie: Well, I got it for almost nothing myself.