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- The Phone Shop is hoping to win the Golden Bowl award for the most missold insurance for the sixth year in a row despite the fact that the trophy resembles a man with his hand in a toilet and Christopher finds it all dishonest. Indeed whilst his colleagues are ducking out of paying out premiums he is trying - in vain - to dissuade customers from buying the insurance. However come the evening of the sales seminar he joins the others in putting over the soft sell, to the delight of his proud parents. Unfortunately they are interrupted by armed police after Lance's attempts to send Tweets to 'Masterchef' judge Gregg Wallace have been interpreted as threats.
- Whilst Ben is away on a course Susan is persuaded by Janey to go on the Facebook social network, which leads to her meeting up again with charming ex-boyfriend Paul Tremaine. He takes her for a drink and says romantic things to her. However he turns out to be a large scale drug dealer and Susan is forced to help the police trap him to avoid being charged herself.
- A celebrity television chef challenges Homer to a barbecue cook-off. But before the competition, Homer's new, prized barbecue grill is stolen.
- Following the enquiry into the 'Pibroch''s scuttling, Baines is temporarily reduced to mate. The head of the board, Sir Walter Teal, asks Baines and Onedin to take his young son David as an apprentice. The boy is keen for a mariner's life and his father hopes the harsh realities will make him change his mind. James and Baines are very hard on him, which Albert notices, but James tells him he would be better occupied patching things up with Elizabeth. David ultimately proves himself as a very capable sailor and even puts in a good word for Baines with his father.
- Zara helps patient Leslie to stand up to her bullying neighbour. Ashley attempts to push his way back into Valerie's life. Al starts his cunning plan to get Eve's money back.
- Middle-class housewife Marcia Edmunds approaches Regan in a pub and, in exchange for sex, supplies the names of the gang who recently robbed a bookies - including that of her husband Martin. He is recognized by a witness but has a cast-iron alibi, which Regan is eventually able to break. At the same time he begins to feel that Marcia is using him to get rid of a husband of whom she has long tired.
- Lisa becomes interested in astronomy and starts fighting the light pollution which is preventing her from being able to enjoy her new hobby.
- After spending all his money on an expensive gift for himself, and the family thinking he should be less of an egoist, Homer decides to change his ways.
- Mildred gets a job as a secretary in Jeffrey's estate agency. George is thus the house husband but he is a disastrous cook and home-maker. Mildred is relieved when he finally gets a job - less so when she discovers it involves being away all night.
- 1993–201629mNot Rated7.2 (45)TV EpisodeGary realises he's been left to fend for himself in Nazi-occupied France.
- 1972–197425mTV-146.8 (47)TV EpisodeHarry is appointed as the bodyguard for a visiting Middle Eastern president but his ex-wife Laura turns up in a frantic state. The president's political opponent Kahan has had the Rule's son Johnny kidnapped and he will be harmed unless Harry shoots the president. A charade follows in which Harry appears to do as he is ordered and Caroline then kills Harry.
- 1993–201629mNot Rated7.2 (60)TV EpisodeThe daily hardships of wartime life begin to take their toll on Gary and he contemplates returning to the present. Reg is disappointed when Gary fails to turn up for fire-watching duty.
- Andy is over-joyed when Melodie reappears in his life but their reconciliation is literally in his dreams. Meanwhile in his fantasy-writing class Errol pens a fairy tale in which idiot stable boy Andy seeks to find his beloved princess Melodie, meeting various characters based on friends and relations. With the help of Errol's classmates Andy tracks Melodie down but it is not necessarily the case that they will live happily ever after.
- Zara sees a man with insomnia who'd rather sleep and dream of his dead wife. Heston, Jimmi, and Emma all voice their concerns about the merger to Daniel. Karen wants to foster a Treehouse kid, much to Rob's shock.
- 1993–201628mNot Rated7.9 (58)TV EpisodeWhen Gary enters Duckett's Passage from the wrong end, he finds himself in the 1880s.
- Heston is questioned by the police with solicitor Philip present. Philip advises him to say nothing but DI Addison is anxious to make an arrest. Meanwhile Shak has something to tell his mother and Zara and Daniel compete to tell Joe the best bedtime story.
- Ben hates Christmas at the best of times but this year mother-in-law Grace is staying, Nick's hippy friend Alfie turns up from Wales and Susan insists on booking an expensive clown, Shingles, for Kenzo's birthday on Christmas Eve. To save money Ben asks Roger to play the clown but he gets drunk so Ben has to save the day. Finding an expensive ring Ben thinks it is a present from Susan - but it turns out to be from Grace for her lover - so he buys her a first edition of a Virginia Woolf novel at a grand plus.
- A bereft Sid needs a stern talking to from Ruhma after his Meningitis misdiagnosis. Al gets involved in two warring neighbours, one or both of who may be mentally ill. Zara asks Emma for some advice.
- The wizards are trapped in a force field but Michael destroys the machine to extract the magic so Lexi summons a mother ship to beam up the wizards. Chloe and Tom head for the roof and create a storm, which delays the ship whilst Benny gets rid of the force field and frees the captives. With a hundred angry wizards summoning all their energy to protect themselves the Nekross are forced to retreat - but later return to claim a victim.
- Chloe Martin is an Internet sensation, a street magician due to appear on a Hex TV show. Tom and Benny realize that she is a wizard but when they visit her she tells them that she was orphaned as a baby and, brought up in a children's home with no parents to explain her gift to her, believes her special powers are actually telekinesis. Many other wizards have, like Tom and Benny, cottoned on to the real nature of Chloe's powers, and a hundred of them have turned up at the television studio to stop her from performing and revealing to a hostile world that wizardry exists in the twenty-first century. But the show is a fake, a ploy devised by the Nekross and its producer is a disguised Varg, who has succeeded in bringing all the wizards to one place to steal their magic.
- Given that she leads a comfortable life-style, lacking for nothing, Lady Shaw is one of the last people one would expect to be caught shop-lifting. However, when reports are called for and she gets to meet Dr. Corder it becomes evident that to some extent her uncharacteristic behaviour is a means of rebelling against her controlling husband, a severe High Court judge.
- The team investigate the murder of a young peace protester, killed near a nuclear base in 1984. Was it a cover-up?
- 1985: WPC Denise Woods starts work at Brixton police station and immediately encounters sexism and hostility from piggish DCI Ferguson. One friendly face is DS Ray Deans,with whom Denise teams up to investigate the rape and murder of teen-aged Amy Reid,a girl Denise befriended after a disturbance at the Subotica club and who told Denise her father Paul disapproved of her dating black men. Ferguson is keen to arrest Paul Reid but Denise learns from Amy's friend Ellen that Amy left in a car with the club's DJ. When Denise and Ray visit the club they find bouncer Mike Holland with scratches on his face and wearing a medallion identical to Amy's. Denise seeks out Jay,a woman Holland was accused of raping though he was acquitted and,as the Brixton riots start,Ferguson allows Denise to take the credit for Holland's arrest.
- In 1997 Denise is now a detective inspector and married to Ray with a daughter Charlotte. She is investigating the rape and murder of Lauren Hinds but when DNA on Lauren is cross-checked it matches unknown samples found on Amy Reid twelve years earlier. This enables Holland's solicitor to push for an unsafe conviction and the man is released.Denise then has to admit to Ray that she planted evidence on Holland as she was convinced he killed Amy and wanted a conviction at any cost. Another night club bouncer is arrested for killing Lauren but he is impotent and could not have raped her,leading Denise to conclude that there was an accomplice. However she is subject to a hearing after her confession and demoted to sergeant,moving out of her house as Ray asks for a divorce.
- Chris' mate gets him to go camping under false pretenses - he's after aliens! Heston and Mrs Tembe go stargazing, though it soon goes horribly wrong. Zara tries to get Daniel and Jimmi speaking again.
- The Protectors are three independently wealthy private detectives - American Harry Rule, living in London, Caroline who was married to an Italian Count, and Paris-based art expert Paul Buchet. They are approached by Freddie Reiwald, a scientist working on a means of perfecting synthetic gold, whose four colleagues have all died in mysterious circumstances. Freddie is about to perform a stunt parachute jump with a man called Ransome, and the killers have abducted Ransome's girlfriend, threatening to murder her unless he lets Freddie die. The Protectors must find her before the stunt takes place.
- Present day: Denise,her rank restored and about to interview for superintendent,reacts badly when ex-husband Ray tells her that Charlotte is pregnant and throws herself into investigating the murder of Joanna Andrews. To her surprise she finds DNA connected to Mike Holland and discovers from CCTV footage that he was in a van near the murder scene. She works out that there was another man with him at the gig Joanna attended,justifying her view that all three of the murders over the years involved an accomplice. Denise's protégée DC Jay Tomlin offers herself as bait at the club where Holland works and flushes out the identity of the accomplice,who is arrested. Jay is snatched by Holland but rescued by Denise,who,the case resolved,gets her promotion and reconciles with Charlotte,who comes to stay with her.
- Granville gets more than he bargained for with a cheap Christmas tree. Later, the shopkeeper holds a cozy drinks party where he and Gastric try to get Madge into the festive spirit.
- Granville and Gastric find themselves acting as marriage guidance counsellors. Leroy adopts a festive disguise to avoid relationship trouble of a different kind. Mrs Featherstone struggles to find the Christmas spirit.
- It's Christmas 2039. Ben looks like an octogenarian but Susan, thanks to moisturisers, still looks middle-aged. Janey has ballooned, Mikey has lost all his hair and is resorting to an ill-fitting wig and Roger, thanks to an accident at the zoo, is just a head in a glass case. Kenzo is late in arriving, giving the family time to look back on some of their worst Christmas days ever, though the worst one of all time, as Kenzo reminds them, was when Uncle Richard came to stay.
- With a mad gunman with a Nazi tattoo on the loose and the Campus surgery in lock-down, Daniel has to deal with a kid who also has a Nazi tattoo, and an older guy with heart problems and spider tattoos.
- Gaines takes the president to his bunker but there is a change of plan as Gaines announces to the world that Saviour has failed. Shocked by Jude's alleged suicide Celine takes his body for burial in Slough and at the funeral Jamie meets Sutton, the old American who abducted Ariel and offers Jamie and his family a place in her own bunker. However Jamie is intercepted by Ariel, who imprisons him in the bank and impersonates him to Layla.. In America Rhonda is found guilty of treason and ends up on Death Row, where she re-encounters Leanne but they are rescued by Gaines and Scotty when Scotty is told that he and Rhonda are Sutton's children and are to be flown to England and the bunker. In the shoot-out with the prison guards during their escape Scotty is shot and wounded..
- Married for 25 years, Audrey and Richard are feuding with another estate owner, Archie Pennington-Booth, who sabotages them in a carriage race. Archie's farm has been doing poorly, along with other local estates, and Audrey is horrified to learn that they have been beaten in competition to supply supermarkets by Farmer Tom, a company owned by Richard. Disgusted with her husband, she leaves him and moves in with Marjory. Richard is planning a rock concert to be held jointly between the manor and Archie's farm and goes to court to apply for a license. However, Audrey turns up and is clearly disapproving, so Richard drops the idea and wins back his wife by throwing her a surprise anniversary party.
- Sam enters the hospital operating theatre for the removal of her cancer but it is Andy, off the drugs for a week, who is the more stressed and the efforts of Bruce to cheer him, Elliot and Sam's ex-husband Ben, fall flat. Waiting for news Andy and Errol exchange philosophies and Errol is forced to confess why his wrist is bandaged. It is long wait for all of them before they learn how Sam has fared.
- Stath is delighted when his dad gives him a garden flat in a desirable area to show, but the viewing doesn't go well.
- Having recently returned to the back benches - following accidents to the other candidates for his sets - B'stard is interviewed on television by Brian Walden, who is shocked by his reactionary views, such as ending the welfare state and taxing the poor. In the interval two make-up girls claim that B'stard has fathered children to them but in the second half his rousing speech demanding that a wall be built to seal England off from Wales and Scotland leads to the switchboard being jammed with messages of support though it turns out that is all a ruse for Walden's show to regain its failing ratings and he and B'stard have a financial arrangement.
- Once again Mr. Prank has come last in the Historical Care-Taking Reenactment Society's games and he is not happy. Barney suggests he might feel better coming next to last so he decides to get Nev to join the society on the assumption that a blue bear could never do better than him. Nev, however, is determined and has Crazy Keith to coach him for victory.
- In his efforts to impress the pretentious Zahra Jeremy decides to host a book club for her and her friends in his flat though disaster strikes when it becomes apparent that he has never read a book - apart from 'Mr Nice'. Mark meanwhile battles with Kenneth in order to gain the favours of Dobby but finds that he might need some help after all to satisfy her.
- Young Norman Binns is admitted to Dr Thorpe's hospital ward and is tricked by pessimistic patient Figgis into swapping beds with him so that Figgis can have the bed with the window view. As a result the doctor and staff nurse Gupte confuse the two men's symptoms. Then hypochondriac Glover tells Figgis that the last occupant of the bed has 'gone to a better place', scaring him into giving it back to Norman, though Glover's claim that he is dying means that Norman loses the bed again.
- A gardener in East L.A. struggles to keep his son away from gangs and immigration agents while trying to give his son the opportunities he never had.
- Alan B'Stard doesn't balk at the Balkans.
- Dick and Duncan both want to take physiotherapist Pamela Kincaid to a weekend beach party. Duncan plans to get Dick out of the way by sending him to a conference but Dick 'persuades' a philandering patient to take his place. When the man's wife turns up at St. Barnabas to see him, a heavily bandaged Duncan impersonates him, but his efforts to avoid Professor Beaumont leave Dick free to act as escort to Pamela.
- 1983–19854.7 (9)TV EpisodeJim agrees to look after Wanda's budgie whilst she is in hospital but, after telling his father that the bird is his, discovers that Dad, having forgotten Jim's mother's birthday, has given it to her as a surprise present. Jim bemoans its loss in the pub but fortunately Mum hates budgies and returns it to him. Less fortunately Wanda refuses to have it back since it gave her the allergy that put her in hospital and Councillor Allnutt has bought Jim another bird.
- 1979–1994TV-146.9 (46)TV EpisodeArthur's Yorkshire contact Billy hires Ray to guard Young Sam, his racing pigeon, on the eve of a race whose prize money is worth ten thousand pounds. Due to Arthur's stupidity, Young Sam escapes, requiring Arthur and Ray to 'acquire' a substitute from a station platform. Although Young Sam ultimately returns, matters are complicated when Ray falls for Donna, daughter of a rival pigeon-fancier.
- Simon and Liz go to the office for Saturday overtime and encounter two burglars, Dingo and his nephew Brendan, who are going to rob the shop below. Derek and new bit on the side Harriet turn up, as do Samantha and Isobel and the two burglars hold them all captive. However Dingo explains to Simon that the burglary is a ruse, to get Brendan caught and dissuade him from a life of crime. Hearing this Brendan cancels the burglary but Harriet has already called the police and Simon has some explaining to do to them.
- Thirty years previously Marty's father, a policeman, was responsible for the death of a villain called Sidney Crabbe. Now Sidney's ghost has been accidentally re-awakened, and is seeking revenge by going after Marty. In the resultant exchange Jeff is shot and, in his brief time as a ghost, before his revival, he is able to prevent Crabbe from pushing his partner into a flaming pit.
- Zara and a reluctant Kevin go to the breast feeding training day. Daniel deals with an African man with worsening eye problems. He also has violent flashbacks and keeps seeing cockroaches. Al and Niamh open up in the Icon Bar.
- Rigsby is cynical when both Ruth and Alan get into physical fitness regimes but, having failed to open a pickle jar, which Philip does with ease, he is persuaded to take exercise to impress Ruth. This leads to a boxing match with Philip, Ruth promising to date the winner. Not being keen on this idea Philip throws the fight but Rigsby does his back in before he can take Ruth out so she whisks Philip away in his place.
- As he is about to leave for Edinburgh to be interviewed for his university bursary Kevin collapses in class. He has had a stroke and requires an operation though he does pull through. Gabriella sees Nikki and Hector arrive at school together and reveals that they are having an affair. Nobody believes her - except Vix, who breaks up with Nikki as a result. Dynasty has an interview to join the police whilst Lula has an offer from Strathclyde university but there is bad news when her mother Cecile tells her that they face deportation. She goes to see Audrey, who determines to do all that she can to help her.
- 'Snotty', an old school friend of Patrick, and now a high church bishop, gets in touch with him. He is heading an anti-pornography crusade the Clean Up London Campaign,and wants Patrick to help him out by counting the number of bare breasts on show in the media and reporting back to him. Indeed an offer he can hardly refuse.