I've reviewed a couple of Baywatch episodes because the re-runs "ambushed" me and I felt that it was my responsibility for the sake of humanity to warn people of what kind of garbage they were. This, however, is the first time I intentionally watched a re-run. There really was nothing else on TV and I had nothing else to so. Besides, there is some sense of achievement and also pleasure in thrashing a Baywatch episode, even if it is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Prologue: Someone packs and ships a doll from Hong Kong to Malibu. It'll probably have some relevance later. Oh, what a teaser, how *will* I survive until the doll's importance is revealed? Then, Matt saves a girl, Nancy, from drowning. She's a waitress who's having an audition to become an actress. But oh no, she lost her money in the water! So the gullible Matt lends her $100 because he "can recognize a talent". Summer no like this.
Meanwhile, the world's most blind tractor driver in the world is smoothing the sand on the beach or something, and Mitch is the only person who can see that he's about to run over a man. Naturally, Mitch *just* manages to save him in the last second. Cliché alert! But it gets "better": the man, Henry, says he's looking for his daughter because he's dying. And the daughter in his photo just happens to be the girl Matt saved. Except that Henry claims her name is Rachel.
At this point the show went into a commercial break, so I have time to state that I came to like A.J. Langer in Wes Craven's The People Under the Stairs, which is, given the current boom at the time of writing, due for a remake like all horror movies of the 1980s. Anyway, it is a shame she never quite made it in the harsh market that is Hollywood.
Now back to the episode. I was already wondering where the stupid montages were when we were subjected to a sugar-coated montage of Stephanie and what's-his-name having a nice time. Bleurgh! Matt doesn't hear from the girl (or the money - Summer no like that either!), but Mitch introduces the girl's father to him. So, the girl is after a yacht coming from Hong Kong and his father goes on the look after her. But, in an amazing coincidence, Matt runs into her! The girl bolts, but Matt catches her. She tells her she missed the audition and also got fired from her job and Matt buys this hook, line and sinker. How stupid is that guy? When Matt tells about Nancy's father, the girl tells that he is a maniac who beats her. *This* Matt for some reason doesn't buy. It's like if he's flipping a coin when making decisions. Again, the girl promises to bring Matt her money the following day and he buys it.
And, as if we weren't nauseated enough by the first montage, we then have a montage of people playing American football on the beach. This has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the episode. Which does not surprise anyone.
Stephanie confronts Mitch with the subject of whether there are any feelings between them. When Mitch only wants to be her friend, she decides to take Scott's-his-name seriously.
Nancy comes to ask Matt for help to get the package that came on the yacht from Hong Kong. Matt agrees on the condition that after they have fetched the package, Nancy will meet her father.
Speaking about Nancy's father, he just coincidentally happens to arrive at Mitch's tower just as Summer tells Mitch where she saw Nancy. Another nice coincidence! The man then intrudes on Matt's boat and puts him and Nancy, now called Linda, at gunpoint. Linda calls the man Sam. They are con artists! What a shocker! Let's go to a commercial! I'll stop with the plot descriptions now as enough material has already been described and I can assure you it does not get any better in the last act. As any Baywatch viewer knows, the acting is flat, the dialog is grating, the cinematography uninspired and the direction barely adequate. I can recommend this episode only if you liked A.J. Langer, but it will still destroy some of your brain cells. Which, now that I think about it, was probably the intent of the makers of Baywatch from the start - after the novelty of gratuitous slow-motion montages wore of, most of the core audience had lost enough braincells to become mindless zombies watching Baywatch purely on instinctual basis.
Montages in this episode: two (2). What has happened to Baywatch? There used to be like half a dozen of them! Also, no Pammy at all! Also, no Jeremy Jackson or Gregory Alan Williams, but who notices?
Prologue: Someone packs and ships a doll from Hong Kong to Malibu. It'll probably have some relevance later. Oh, what a teaser, how *will* I survive until the doll's importance is revealed? Then, Matt saves a girl, Nancy, from drowning. She's a waitress who's having an audition to become an actress. But oh no, she lost her money in the water! So the gullible Matt lends her $100 because he "can recognize a talent". Summer no like this.
Meanwhile, the world's most blind tractor driver in the world is smoothing the sand on the beach or something, and Mitch is the only person who can see that he's about to run over a man. Naturally, Mitch *just* manages to save him in the last second. Cliché alert! But it gets "better": the man, Henry, says he's looking for his daughter because he's dying. And the daughter in his photo just happens to be the girl Matt saved. Except that Henry claims her name is Rachel.
At this point the show went into a commercial break, so I have time to state that I came to like A.J. Langer in Wes Craven's The People Under the Stairs, which is, given the current boom at the time of writing, due for a remake like all horror movies of the 1980s. Anyway, it is a shame she never quite made it in the harsh market that is Hollywood.
Now back to the episode. I was already wondering where the stupid montages were when we were subjected to a sugar-coated montage of Stephanie and what's-his-name having a nice time. Bleurgh! Matt doesn't hear from the girl (or the money - Summer no like that either!), but Mitch introduces the girl's father to him. So, the girl is after a yacht coming from Hong Kong and his father goes on the look after her. But, in an amazing coincidence, Matt runs into her! The girl bolts, but Matt catches her. She tells her she missed the audition and also got fired from her job and Matt buys this hook, line and sinker. How stupid is that guy? When Matt tells about Nancy's father, the girl tells that he is a maniac who beats her. *This* Matt for some reason doesn't buy. It's like if he's flipping a coin when making decisions. Again, the girl promises to bring Matt her money the following day and he buys it.
And, as if we weren't nauseated enough by the first montage, we then have a montage of people playing American football on the beach. This has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the episode. Which does not surprise anyone.
Stephanie confronts Mitch with the subject of whether there are any feelings between them. When Mitch only wants to be her friend, she decides to take Scott's-his-name seriously.
Nancy comes to ask Matt for help to get the package that came on the yacht from Hong Kong. Matt agrees on the condition that after they have fetched the package, Nancy will meet her father.
Speaking about Nancy's father, he just coincidentally happens to arrive at Mitch's tower just as Summer tells Mitch where she saw Nancy. Another nice coincidence! The man then intrudes on Matt's boat and puts him and Nancy, now called Linda, at gunpoint. Linda calls the man Sam. They are con artists! What a shocker! Let's go to a commercial! I'll stop with the plot descriptions now as enough material has already been described and I can assure you it does not get any better in the last act. As any Baywatch viewer knows, the acting is flat, the dialog is grating, the cinematography uninspired and the direction barely adequate. I can recommend this episode only if you liked A.J. Langer, but it will still destroy some of your brain cells. Which, now that I think about it, was probably the intent of the makers of Baywatch from the start - after the novelty of gratuitous slow-motion montages wore of, most of the core audience had lost enough braincells to become mindless zombies watching Baywatch purely on instinctual basis.
Montages in this episode: two (2). What has happened to Baywatch? There used to be like half a dozen of them! Also, no Pammy at all! Also, no Jeremy Jackson or Gregory Alan Williams, but who notices?