You won the grand prize in a raffle: An all inclusive package holiday of your choice. From the brochure of the third-rate travel agent, who sponsored the prize as a tax write-off. So you won't find the New York Plaza on the list. Not the Ritz or the Savoy either... Here are your options. Which holiday will you choose, provided you didn't know about the misadventures that will befall you once you get there?
A tumble down haunted Irish castle, ghosts real and invented included. Your host is Peter O'Toole, Mary Coughlan does the singing and plays the harp, and Liam Neeson will, well, haunt you...
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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)
A somewhat dilapidated hotel in India, catering for the elderly, its charms enhanced by the lack of (some) doors, spicy food, and an overly optimistic host with a bossy mother...
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Club Paradise (1986)
A beach resort run by Robin Williams and Twiggy on a tropical island run by Peter O'Toole, revolution included - don't worry though, it's put down with the help of a fire hose, a polo pony, a drawn sword and the threat of a rather large bullet...
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Hotel Transylvania (2012)
A hotel for monsters only, run by Dracula. You may be required to pretend you're a monster yourself...
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Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
A dysfunctional holiday camp with a dysfunctional staff, all kinds of activities, talking vegetable cans, and threatened by, among other things, garbage from space hurtling towards Earth...
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Ein Unbekannter rechnet ab (1974)
TEN LITTLE INDIANS - A luxury hotel in an isolated spot in the Iranian desert, where, unfortunately, quite a lot of murders are occurring...
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The Million Dollar Hotel (2000)
A run down hotel, inhabited and run by mental patients
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The Hotel New Hampshire (1984)
A New England hotel run by a dysfunctional family
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Club Dread (2004)
The beach resort of your dreams - with a staff that will obligingly try to gloss over small distractions such as dead bodies
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Carry on Abroad (1972)
A Spanish seaside hotel, which starts falling down before the building is even completed
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Monsieur Hulot's Holiday (1953)
An agreeable enough beach hotel, but Monsieur Hulot is in residence all summer and will be causing havoc throughout your and everybody else's stay
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Wings of Fame (1990)
A hotel for the departed, where quality of accomodation and service depends entirely on the guests' continuing fame in the world of the living
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Evil Under the Sun (1982)
A luxury beach resort, with the drawback that a murder has occurred there and everybody is a suspect in the case, with the famous Hercule Poirot watching your every movement in his endeavour to find the murderer among the guests
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1408 (2007)
The Dolphin Hotel with the one room which hotel guests don't usually leave alive...
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California Suite (1978)
The Beverly Hills hotel frequented by all kinds of strange characters, which does not always have enough vacancies to accomodate all its customers in their own rooms
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The Pink Panther (1963)
The hotel in Cortina d'Ampezzo, with Inspector Clouseau hard on heels of a jewel thief, causing inconvenience to the residents
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What's Up, Doc? (1972)
The Hotel Bristol in San Francisco, with the hotel detective who cannot even commit a simple burglary, a customer's escaped snake which lives in mortal fear of tiles, a burning hotel room, and Mr Kaltenborn, the manager of "what's left of the hotel"
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Psycho (1960)
A remote motel with no other staying guests, run by not entirely sane owners
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The Poseidon Adventure (1972)
A cruise on a ship that is on its last voyage on the way to the scrap yard. You're advised to pack a life vest...
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Juggernaut (1974)
A cruise aboard a ship that has a number of bombs on board. And a somewhat intoxicated bomb exposal expert... or, as it was advertised in real life: a free lengthy cruise on board a ship that was already sold to the Soviet Union, and that was going to deliberately seek the worst of the weather to film the disaster scenes in rough seas...
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Titanic (1953)
A cruise on the fabled Titanic. Which you know will include a scramble for the life boats in the middle of the night
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City Slickers (1991)
A working holiday on a cattle drive on which you'll be mostly left to your own devices in the absence of a skilled and knowledgeable guide
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If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium (1969)
A coachtour across Europe with a womanizing guide and in the close company of rather colourful characters
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Summer Holiday (1963)
A London double decker bus converted into a hotel on wheels, driven by 4 mechanics - among them a young Cliff Richards - across Europe from London to Athens
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RV (2006)
A holiday in the Rocky Mountains in a rented RV, along roads that are not always suited to the vehicle and sharing the camp sites with an assortment of bizarre characters
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Barricade (2012)
A rental cabin in a remote, wolf infested, mountain location, prone to massive snow storms that can cut you off from civilisation. With the added danger of contacting a dangerous infection...
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Transsiberian (2008)
A trip on the Transsiberian railroad, in the company of people who turn out to be heroin smugglers and who are using you as a drug mule.
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The Shining (1980)
A deserted hotel in the middle of winter. The only people looking after you will be the caretakers in residence...
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Fawlty Towers (1975)
An English family hotel in a seaside resort, run by an overbearingly rude owner and his wife, with the help of a waiter from Barcelona...
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National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
A trip across much of Europe, starting in London, then moving through Germany, France and Italy. With accomodation in the cheaper and less luxurious hotels in the various countries you're going to visit...
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Barton Fink (1991)
A California hotel with the wallpaper peeling from the heat in the rooms, walls so thin laughter and voices from the room next door proove a constant distraction, and personnel that mixes up the shoes left out for cleaning by the customers...
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The Beyond (1981)
A hotel that literally is from hell - or at least at the entrance to it...
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Open Water (2003)
A Caribbean scuba diving trip with a company that does not always check the passenger list before their boats return from the diving outings and thus are prone to leaving passengers behind in shark infested waters...
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The Red Inn (1951)
A lonely inn in the mountains, where the host confesses to a monk, who is staying there, his habit of poisoning the guests, robbing their possessions, and to burying them in the backyard...
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French Fried Vacation 2 (1979)
A skiing holiday in the French Alps where everything that can go wrong does go wrong