[in September 1989 after turning age 40] "I have done it all in my 40 years that a gay man like me could do. Romantically involved with a great guy, summers on Fire Island, cocaine and scotch, hooking up with sexy boys on the Upper West Side and West Village, Quaalude's, Cartier roll rings, Studio 54, ordering in Chinese food, Levis and white tees. Then two years ago.... AIDS: Kaposi's sarcoma, multiple doctors and hospitals, Act Up rallies, funeral parlor visits, fear, terror, extreme physical pain, wheelchairs... and now this hospital bed."