- [on never being invited to Number 10 Downing Street, the Prime Minister's residence] Maybe if I snorted coke and had one hit record I would be invited, but I wouldn't know what to do or say.
- [on how to improve the BBC schedule] Merge BBC Four with BBC Two, cut out some of the gardening and the cookery and all that on BBC Two and turn it back into a quality thing that it was meant to be.
- The NHS is the only Religion left in Britain.
- If Hilary Clinton were a Man, would she have won?
- [Question Time] You have the Conch!
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