Gorepedia 2013: The Year in Horror Movies (Best Gore, Horror Heavies, Sc(a/o)res and More)
The best horror movies of the year 2013 (original theatrical release), from shock-inducing highs to basement level lows.
A compendium of the...
-Nastiest Splatter
-Memorable Horror Heavies
-True TERRROR Scares
-Scores to nightmares
and whatever the hell else makes unsane sense
A compendium of the...
-Nastiest Splatter
-Memorable Horror Heavies
-True TERRROR Scares
-Scores to nightmares
and whatever the hell else makes unsane sense
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- DirectorAdam WingardStarsSharni VinsonJoe SwanbergAJ BowenWhen the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.Reverant Synth Award for Keeping Horror Movie Scores Alive - Mads Heldtberg, Kyle McKinnon, and Jasper Justin Lee delivered one of the most exciting scores of the year. A pounding synth beat builds steadily throughout the movie until it goes all out towards the film's climax (this is based entirely on the one time I saw it in theaters, as I haven't been able to listen to it since, it's not available).
The Precipice Between Horror and Comedy -This dialogue exchange captures the perfect tonal balance of the movie (the final line being the actual chosen quote, context just helps here).
Zee: You never want to do anything interesting any more.
Felix: I don't think that's a fair criticism.
Zee: *beep* me next to your dead mom then.
Awesome Splatter Award For Ingenious Use of An Appliance- The absolutely cathartic and badass blender kill somehow is both hilarious (a blender!) and also gory and horrifying. Simple, yet super effective.
Best Horror Heavy: Final AssKickin' Girl Variety - Sharni Vinson, tough as nails, sexy, badass to the max, and with a wicked backstory. - DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonVera FarmigaRon LivingstonParanormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.A perfectly structured haunted house creepfest. How a genre as well-worn as this can still surprise and shock is a testament to the sure-hand of director James Wan. Not only are the shocks earned, and the jumps genuine (random blasts of loud noise/music ARE NOT the scare), but the actors are more than game, the cinematography is goth gorgeous and the story simple, yet satisfying. If only the end delivered just a bit more, this would go down as one of the great horror movies of all time. As such it's just really really good, and loads better than The Amityville Horror (which the Warrens (the paranormal investigators in the movie) also investigated, and which has mostly undeserved classic status).
The Unknown Is Always Scarier Award- The now classic hide and seek/clapping game (seriously how shiver inducing was it to actually see the hands? Just enough to tease without revealing what it is. - DirectorFede AlvarezStarsJane LevyShiloh FernandezJessica LucasFive friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.A dark, gritty bloodbath of a modern reimagining of the original classic horror movie that retains just enough of the slapstick edge and general sense of chaos that it feels like a true "Evil Dead" movie. The movie starts like a tepid modern grim everything-must-look-like-Saw type movie (bad CGI fire, desaturated colors, "character development" (admittedly the heroin addiction subplot for Mia was bold, but I also wish it had more impact since it was in fact part of the plot), atmospheric machine music), but then it kicks into gear. It's almost like the filmmakers decided that audiences might not like an old-school type movie, so they had to hook them with new-school convention first, before subtly and effectively reverting backwards. And when *beep* gets going in this movie, it goes. Most of the effects are practical, and the intensity is unrelenting.
Gorefest Award for Bloodiest Scene - The entire finale is worthy of mention here. Mia gets trapped under a jeep, at which point she tears her arm off, grabs a chainsaw (paying respect) and proceeds to obliterate the evil dead, in one of the gorier and more cathartic moments in a mainstream R-rated horror movie. - DirectorRob ZombieStarsSheri Moon ZombieMeg FosterBruce DavisonRadio DJ Heidi is sent a box containing a record--a "gift from the Lords". The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of her town's violent past. Is Heidi going mad, or are the Lords back to take revenge on Salem, Massachusetts?This Song Must Be Scary, So It Really Is Award- A movie about an evil song by the eponymous Lords of Salem that controls the women of Salem better be something special right? Well the Lords Theme (as it's called) is unsettling and hypnotic (i.e. near perfect). And the rest of the score by john5 is atmospheric and foreboding, recalling both modern day horror industrial scores and 70's horror scores with piano and guitar themes that are both musical and off-putting.
Practical FX award for keeping it real(ly Gory)- There isn't one specific scene that stands out here, but there was only practical effects used in this film and there is definitely some strange satanic *beep* that you get to see. Well done. - DirectorJustin BensonAaron MoorheadStarsPeter CilellaVinny CurranEmily MontagueA man imprisons his estranged junkie friend in an isolated cabin in the boonies of San Diego to force him through a week of sobriety, but the events of that week are being mysteriously manipulated.A fascinating, intimate and intense movie. A guy locks his friend in his cabin in the woods and tries to help him stop smoking crack by forcing him to go cold turkey. What could be either character driven or a classic set up for spooky goings-on, is both and it's all the better for it. The film gets pretty meta towards the end, and the resolution itself can be endlessly debated. It's as if the movie knows that it really only has two different endings it can do and so does neither just because. But it works, mostly.
- DirectorSimon BarrettJason EisenerGareth EvansStarsLawrence Michael LevineKelsy AbbottAdam WingardSearching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.Yes, Gore Can Be Scary Award -Gareth Evan's segment "Safe Haven" ends with the spawn of some demon literally bursting forth from a woman's stomach. No one knew what to expect here, and the gore was necessary and used to great effect.
- DirectorFranck KhalfounStarsElijah WoodNora ArnezederAmerica OlivoAs he helps a young artist with her upcoming exhibition, the owner of a mannequin shop's deadly, suppressed desires come to the surface.Seriously Snyths Are Just Scarier Award for Musical Excellence - Synths seems to be making a comeback lately. I think this is great, especially for horror movies. They capture something about the spririt of horror that few other instruments can, like it's just this side of reality. Rob mixes some scuzzy 80's synth in his score here, but mostly he modernizes it, blending it with a piano theme that captures the delicate balance between horror and character study this film angles at.
- DirectorJen SoskaSylvia SoskaStarsKatharine IsabelleAntonio CupoTristan RiskThe allure of easy money sends Mary Mason, a medical student, into the world of underground surgeries which ends up leaving more marks on her than her so-called "freakish" clients.Intriguing look at a subculture not well known, and a pretty good story wrapped around it (you know, the whole good girl wronged thing), but a disappointing conclusion.
- DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonRose ByrneBarbara HersheyThe Lamberts believe that they have defeated the spirits that have haunted their family, but they soon discover that evil is not beaten so easily.A solid flick, decent scares, good story (great creepy backstory) but just another scary parent film (think The Stepfather but with Patrick Wilson...yeah).
- DirectorPark Chan-wookStarsMia WasikowskaNicole KidmanMatthew GoodeAfter India's father dies, her Uncle Charlie, who she never knew existed, comes to live with her and her unstable mother. She comes to suspect this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives and becomes increasingly infatuated with him.Compelling, great composition work and acting, but not that great of story. The pacing builds like something profound, but it's really just another girl becoming a woman story.
- DirectorMarc ForsterStarsBrad PittMireille EnosDaniella KerteszFormer United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop a zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatens to destroy humanity itself.A fun, intermittently thrilling zombie flick that plays like a disaster movie. In fact, that is its chief innovation in the zombie ouevre; seeing the fall of the world and the spread of the virus first-hand instead of after the fact. Still, it can be a bit too summer-blockbuster much at times and the underused Mireille Enos is a shame.
- DirectorKaare AndrewsAngela BettisHélène CattetStarsIngrid Bolsø BerdalIván GonzálezKyra ZagorskyA 26-chapter anthology that showcases death in all its vicious wonder and brutal beauty.Stomach Churning Nastiness In Gore - X is for XXL segment by Xavier Gens is seriously gross. It has a nice message and all, but good luck making it that far. By far the best segment of this movie. And if you must know, A fat woman being picked on for being obese decides to gorge herself and then slice all her fat off so that's she pretty and skinny like the models she sees in ads. The result is a skinless abomination that's horrifying to look at. But skinny...
- DirectorJeremy GardnerStarsJeremy GardnerAdam CronheimNiels BolleThe personalities of two former baseball players clash as they traverse the rural back roads of a post-plague New England teeming with the undead.A chill, character driven zombie road comedy. The eponymous battery being a reference to the relationship shared between pitcher and catcher in baseball. Not sure the plot works, but using the zombie apocalypse to see how to two people cope with themselves and their situation makes for some insightful scenes.
- DirectorAlejandro HidalgoStarsRuddy RodríguezGuillermo GarciaRosmel BustamanteDulce is a mother of two who experiences terrifying encounters with apparitions inside her old house, a place where a tragedy occurs. Thirty years later, an elderly Dulce returns home to decipher the mystery that has tormented her for so long.A fun little haunted house movie, with attention to character and story and genuine creeps over shocks. Doesn't transcend the genre or anything, but it's diverting enough.
- DirectorAdrian Garcia BoglianoStarsLaura CaroFrancisco BarreiroMichele GarcíaA couple loses their children near some caves in Tijuana. The children return to their parents the next day, unharmed. However, something has happened to them.An enticing movie, but one that doesn't deliver ultimately and leaves a lot of seemingly important themes hanging like the proverbial undercooked meatballs.
Classic Grindhouse T&A For a Barely Discnerible Reason Award-The opening lesbian sex scene. Description not really necessary, and while yes this is a sexually charged film, I'm not sure why they were naked and screwing. But you know, it's quite the cold open. - DirectorDon CoscarelliStarsChase WilliamsonRob MayesPaul GiamattiA new street drug that sends its users across time and dimensions has one drawback: some people return no longer human. Can two college drop-outs save humanity from this silent, otherworldly invasion?John Dies at the End is all over the place. It has a dry deadpan delivery for dialogue and an over the top cartoony physical style of comedy for the real world plot stuff. It's a strange mix, one that does and doesn't work depending on the scene.
The climax is bad, bad, bad. But it's an interesting oddity, though not one on par with Coscarelli's more accomplished Bubba-Ho-Tep (never thought I'd be able to say that without a trace of irony)! - DirectorÁlex de la IglesiaStarsHugo SilvaMario CasasPepón NietoA gang of armed robbers finds a safe haven in a secluded village crammed with witches--only to encounter the bizarre, the unexpected, and the occult. Can they save themselves, and the rest of the world from the next witch apocalypse?A Spanish horror-comedy in which a group of bank-robbers stumble into a witch coven. Hijinks ensue, comedy is had. The theme of this one is about how the robbers (all men) have woman issues and have all but renounced their kind as villainous, deceptive and bitchy (*cough* witchy--get it?) The witch coven has done the same thing (there are no warlocks; though one witch has a son she keeps locked up in an underground vault).
Some lessons are not really learned, and there's a hulking monster witch with enormous boobs at the end the men have to contend with (one woman takes their side, alas). There's definitely some fun to be had here but it's fleeting and I'm not sure it's anywhere near as progressive as it thinks it is (if it does, I don't know). - DirectorJames DeMonacoStarsEthan HawkeLena HeadeyMax BurkholderA wealthy family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legal.A thought-provoking premise rife with possibilities is basically squandered on a derivative home-invasion thriller. Not completely squandered, but enough to make you leave the theater shaking your head in disbelief. A great cast, especially the creepy smile-too-big-for-his-face Rhys Wakefield as the main bad kid.
- DirectorBJ McDonnellStarsDanielle HarrisKane HodderZach GalliganA search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces, and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.High camp, probably too much so, and not one kill is better than anything in the first two, and yet Victor Crowley is *beep* cool *beep*
- DirectorAndy MuschiettiStarsJessica ChastainNikolaj Coster-WaldauMegan CharpentierAfter a young couple take in their two nieces, they suspect that a supernatural spirit named Mama has latched onto their family.A nicely original horror idea, with some plot contrivances and a ridiculous conclusion that might have been forgivable if the scares and imagination stayed solid the whole movie. Unfortunately it devolves into over-the-top hokum by the end. Though Jessica Chastain rocks the emo/goth/grungy look, which helps.
- DirectorRob KuhnsStarsGeorge A. RomeroFred RogersH. Rap BrownA documentary that shows how George A. Romero gathered an unlikely team of Pittsburghers to shoot his seminal film: Night of the Living Dead (1968).This is less a documentary about the making of (although part of it is, when Romero is on screen) than a doc about fans gushing about the film. It's mostly just recounts of fan's reactions to the scenes that happen in the movie.
- DirectorNicolás LópezStarsEli RothAriel LevyNicolás MartínezIn Chile, a group of travelers who are in an underground nightclub when a massive earthquake hits quickly learn that reaching the surface is just the beginning of their nightmare.Classically Nihilistic Ending Award- A movie full of bad twists for the main cast of characters, ends with the greatest of all. TSUNAMI!!!!!!!
- DirectorEric EnglandStarsNajarra TownsendCaroline WilliamsAlice MacdonaldAfter being drugged and raped at a party, a young woman contracts what she thinks is an STD; but, it's actually something much worse.What a great ripe premise, completely let down by an unoriginal and uncreative (and highly implausible) film.
- DirectorScott StewartStarsKeri RussellJake BrennanJosh HamiltonAs the Barrett family's peaceful suburban life is rocked by an escalating series of disturbing events, they come to learn that a terrifying and deadly force is after them, one which may have arrived from beyond the stars.A familiar premise albeit done in an interesting new way, a few fairly effective scares, and promises of a much more interesting story (the porn and job loss subplots based around fear) are here. But they all go nowhere and mean nothing.
Unnerving Score In An Otherwise Tepid Movie Award - Joshua Bishara delivers an unnverving score with shrieking siren like sounds and discordant violins, making seemingly simple scares that much more effective. - DirectorJim MickleStarsBill SageAmbyr ChildersJulia GarnerThe Parkers, a reclusive family who follow ancient customs, find their secret existence threatened as a torrential downpour moves into their area, forcing daughters Iris and Rose to assume responsibilities beyond those of a typical family.Dull, overwrought, not engaging at all, self-important. It's not really about anything.
- DirectorChad Crawford KinkleStarsSean BridgersLauren Ashley CarterKaitlin CullumWhen she learns the supernatural pit worshipped by her remote community in the woods has demanded her as a blood sacrifice, Ada struggles to find a way to survive, while the pit lashes out in anger.Interesting premise, mediocre execution.
- DirectorMarina de VanStarsMissy KeatingMarcella PlunkettPádraic DelaneyIn a remote Irish village, police are called to the scene of a bloody massacre, but they ignore the lone survivor's claim that the house was responsible for the carnage that killed her parents and brother.Pretty weak ending, for a solid set up.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.There's promise in a modern updating, but this is not it.
- DirectorJonathan LevineStarsNicholas HoultTeresa PalmerJohn MalkovichAfter a highly unusual zombie saves a still-living girl from an attack, the two form a relationship that sets in motion events that might transform the entire lifeless world.Ironically has no life. Not that funny, interesting or unique like it seems to think it is. Illogical and misguided but some kind of zombie reappropriation theme where zombies are good, but like those other less human zombies are totally the bad guys (until the sequel).
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsHolly GossMatt StokoeLuke AlbrightA group of students go to the location of the infamous Dyatlov pass incident to make a documentary, but things take a turn for the worse as the secret of what happened there is revealed.Great true story, but terrible C-movie here.
- DirectorEd Gass-DonnellyStarsAshley BellJulia GarnerSpencer Treat ClarkAs Nell Sweetzer tries to build a new life after the events of the first movie, the evil force that once possessed her returns with an even more horrific plan.A tepid movie, but ultimately not in a good way.
- DirectorEduardo RodriguezStarsWill PayneJaime MurraySean Power"Fright Night 2" - In Romania, Charley and his friends discover that their alluring art professor is a real-life vampire, hell-bent on completing an ancient ritual with Amy's blood.Not a complete travesty, but still it lacks much excitement.
- DirectorDaniel KrigeStarsNicholas HopeKelly PaternitiSam ReidSix captive office workers are literally chained to their desks by deranged former regional manager Thomas Reddmann (Redd). He assigns his 'human resources' the impossible task of proving his innocence or suffering gruesome consequences.
- DirectorBrett SimmonsStarsC.J. ThomasonStephen LangMichelle PierceJake is given a Monkey's Paw that grants 3 wishes. After the first 2 wishes leave his friend Cobb undead, Cobb pushes Jake to make a final wish.For a TV movie not that bad, but somehow turns the premise into a terrible slasher flick.
- DirectorVincenzo NataliStarsAbigail BreslinPeter OuterbridgeMichelle NoldenA teenager is stuck in a time loop that is not quite the same each time. She must uncover the truth, but her actions have consequences for herself and others.Weak story all around, never adds up to much of anything at all.
- DirectorMarvin KrenStarsGerhard LiebmannEdita MalovcicSantosScientists working in the Austrian Alps discover that a glacier is leaking a liquid that appears to be affecting local wildlife.
- DirectorJohn LuessenhopStarsAlexandra DaddarioTania RaymondeScott EastwoodA young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance. Little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.The WTF Was Anyone Involved Thinking Award- Not much about this movie makes sense. 26 year old deli workers play people who should be 38. Plotlines go nowhere (cheating boyfriend!), Leatherface isn't that bad after all (yeah it's those no good rednecks who want to put a stop to a family of sadistic cannibals who are the real bad guys), and ultimately family is forever, even for incestual cannibals. Bonus points for including the most pointlessly cheesy line in recent slasher memory. "Welcome to Texas, motherfu*ker!", says the Californian man to a giant pure bred Texan wielding a chainsaw. Ah yeah...
- DirectorTobe HooperStarsRazane JammalKhalid LaithAiysha HartAn Emirati couple return home from a trip and discover that their new apartment has been built on a site that is home to some malevolent beings.