Pete and Sam Play the Hits (and sometimes Ben)
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- DirectorChristiane CegavskeA handmade stop-motion fairy tale for adults that tells the tale of the struggle between the aristocratic White Mice and the rustic Creatures Who Dwell Under the Oak over the doll of their heart's desire.Hypnotic, nauseating, feverish, disgusting. The perfect microcosm of the list.
- DirectorArthur BradfordStarsRobert BirdSean CostelloChad EverettA Documentary chronicling the travels of a team of reporters and crew across America in a hand painted RV. Each of the reporters have a disability ranging from Down's Syndrome to spastic cerebal palsy and their own style for gathering news. The basic approach is "man on the street" reporting and the interactions are sometimes hysterical, sometimes confusing but always honest.
- DirectorIndar DzhendubaevStarsMatvey LykovMariya PoezzhaevaStanislav LyubshinIn the midst of the wedding princess Miroslava is kidnapped by a dragon and carried away into his castle on the remote island.Subverted and exceeded every expectation
- DirectorDuncan JonesStarsTravis FimmelPaula PattonBen FosterAs an Orc horde invades the planet Azeroth using a magic portal, a few human heroes and dissenting Orcs must attempt to stop the true evil behind this war.Great fun, pulpy, and horrifically violent.
- DirectorLuc BessonStarsDane DeHaanCara DelevingneClive OwenA dark force threatens Alpha, a vast metropolis and home to species from a thousand planets. Special operatives Valerian and Laureline must race to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha, but the future of the universe.Utterly baffling in every way.
- DirectorNeil JordanStarsBrad PittTom CruiseAntonio BanderasA vampire tells his epic life story: love, betrayal, loneliness, and hunger.Great movie-movie with elaborate sets, atmosphere, and 3 full set fires.
- DirectorPaul WeitzStarsChris MassogliaJohn C. ReillySalma HayekTeenager Darren Shan meets a mysterious man at a freak show who turns out to be a vampire. After a series of events, Darren must leave his normal life and go on the road with the Cirque du Freak, becoming a creature of the night.Somehow gayer than Call Me By Your Name. Also, I’m a monkey girl.
- DirectorRichard LaGraveneseStarsAlice EnglertViola DavisEmma ThompsonEthan Wate longs to escape his small southern town. He meets a mysterious new girl, Lena Duchannes. Together, they uncover dark secrets about their respective families, their history, and their town.A sweet southern gothic romance set in the antebellum south with a single black person. Also features a civil war reenactment set-piece. Unironically great.
- DirectorDon CoscarelliStarsMarc SingerTanya RobertsRip TornA sword-and-sorcery fantasy about a young man's search for revenge. Armed with supernatural powers, the handsome hero and his animal allies wage war against marauding forces.Epic
- DirectorLawrence KasdanStarsMorgan FreemanThomas JaneJason LeeFriends on a camping trip discover that the town they're vacationing in is being plagued in an unusual fashion by parasitic aliens from outer space.Go Go Gadget Naked Retard!
- DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsRay WinstoneCrispin GloverAngelina JolieThe warrior Beowulf must fight and defeat the monster Grendel, who is terrorizing Denmark, then Grendel's Mother, who begins killing out of revenge.Excruciatingly painful until Angelina Jolie shows up and the screenwriter's ditch any idea of "adaptation." Also, Brendan Gleeson.
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsClint EastwoodBee VangChristopher CarleyAfter a Hmong teenager tries to steal his prized 1972 Gran Torino, a disgruntled, prejudiced Korean War veteran seeks to redeem both the boy and himself.The Movie-est movie to ever movie.
- DirectorBarry W. BlausteinStarsJohnny KnoxvilleKatherine HeiglBrian CoxA young guy's only option to erase a really bad debt is to rig the Special Olympics by posing as a contestant.A baffling paradox of laughing at, with, and for a gang of lovable olympians
- DirectorJohn R. LeonettiStarsJoey KingRyan PhillippeKi Hong LeeA teenage girl discovers a box that carries magic powers and a deadly price for using them.A great terrible movie
- DirectorDean IsraeliteStarsDacre MontgomeryNaomi ScottRJ CylerWhen Earth is on the verge of an alien invasion, five teenagers, who are infused with superhuman abilities, must harness their newfound powers to battle this threat - as the Power Rangers.Cow-cum within the first minute. A good time.
- DirectorDavid YatesStarsAlexander SkarsgårdRory J SaperChristian StevensTarzan, having acclimated to life in London, is called back to his former home in the jungle to investigate the activities at a mining encampment.Movie movie that hits all the beats, and a jaw-dropping train sequence.
- DirectorWolfgang PetersenStarsBrad PittEric BanaOrlando BloomAn adaptation of Homer's great epic, the film follows the assault on Troy by the united Greek forces and chronicles the fates of the men involved.Solid fun with peeks of 300. Also, Brendan Gleeson.
- DirectorAndrew StantonStarsTaylor KitschLynn CollinsWillem DafoeTransported to Barsoom, a Civil War vet discovers a barren planet seemingly inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter Woola and a princess in desperate need of a savior.Horribly painful for about the first 30 minutes, then picks up the fun.
- DirectorTom TykwerLana WachowskiLilly WachowskiStarsTom HanksHalle BerryHugh GrantAn exploration of how the actions of individual lives impact one another in the past, present and future, as one soul is shaped from a killer into a hero, and an act of kindness ripples across centuries to inspire a revolution.I’ll trade my tribe for a piece of ass and that cokeynut skin
- DirectorKevin ReynoldsStarsKevin CostnerJeanne TripplehornDennis HopperIn a future where the polar ice-caps have melted and Earth is almost entirely submerged, a mutated mariner fights starvation and outlaw "smokers," and reluctantly helps a woman and a young girl try to find dry land.After saving the life of a human women and her daughter, a fish-man physically abuses them and considers selling them for sex. He is our hero.
- DirectorPeter HastingsStarsHaley Joel OsmentDiedrich BaderCandy FordBeary Barrington goes on an adventure to save Country Bear Hall by getting the Country Bears back together for a reunion concert.
- DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsAnne HathawayOctavia SpencerStanley TucciA young boy and his grandmother have a run-in with a coven of witches and their leader.The final five minutes of the witches rivals 2001’s Star child birth in terms of awe.
- DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsDaniel RadcliffeJuno TempleMax MinghellaIn the aftermath of his girlfriend's mysterious death, a young man awakens to find strange horns sprouting from his forehead.
- DirectorDavid BowersStarsJason DruckerAlicia SilverstoneTom Everett ScottA Heffley family road trip to attend Meemaw's 90th birthday party goes hilariously off course thanks to Greg's newest scheme to get to a video gaming convention.
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsNaomi WattsJack BlackAdrien BrodyA greedy film producer assembles a team of moviemakers and sets out for the infamous Skull Island, where they find more than just cannibalistic natives.Back Jack is black. Back to back.