Movies I NEVER Want To See EVER
A growing list of movies that sound/look horrendous to me.
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- DirectorPatrick LussierStarsNicolas CageAmber HeardWilliam FichtnerA vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.Almost anything with Nicholas Cage should be on here.
- DirectorDominic SenaStarsNicolas CageRon PerlmanClaire Foy14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce that her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.See above.
- DirectorJennifer Yuh NelsonStarsJack BlackAngelina JolieJackie ChanPo and his friends fight to stop a peacock villain from conquering China with a deadly new weapon, but first the Dragon Warrior must come to terms with his past.The only Jack Black movie I've ever seen was the first one and I HATED it.
- DirectorJames L. BrooksStarsReese WitherspoonPaul RuddOwen WilsonAfter being cut from the U.S.A. softball team and feeling a bit past her prime, Lisa finds herself evaluating her life and in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis competes with her current, baseball-playing beau.Not only are Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson the exact same in every movie but this looks so stupid no matter who was in it. I even really like Paul Rudd but this is a definite no.
- DirectorFrank MillerQuentin TarantinoRobert RodriguezStarsMickey RourkeClive OwenBruce WillisAn exploration of the dark and miserable Basin City and three of its residents, all of whom are caught up in violent corruption.Jessica Alba? Rosario Dawson? Josh Hartnet? Mickey Roarke? That's my reason.
If I wanted to see a grotesquely colored movie that's based on comic books, I'd drop acid and watch Ghost World. - DirectorGuy RitchieStarsRobert Downey Jr.Jude LawJared HarrisDetective Sherlock Holmes is on the trail of criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty, who is carrying out a string of random crimes across Europe.Jude Law is a piece but Robert Downey Jr seems like too much of a douche bag in real life for me to see anything with him in it besides Less Than Zero.
- DirectorTyler PerryStarsTyler PerryLoretta DevineShad MossThe crazy and comical Mabel Simmons, otherwise known as Madea, tries to wrangle her fighting family together for a family dinner regarding the health of her niece Shirley.I would put all Tyler Perry movies on here but that would take forever. This honestly looks like the worst of all of them.
- DirectorCyrus NowrastehStarsShohreh AghdashlooJim CaviezelMozhan NavabiA story told by Zahra to a French journalist of her niece Soraya Manutchehri, a 35-year-old married woman, who received capital punishment and stoned to death because of false accusations in the remote village of Kuhpayeh, Iran, in 1986.WAY too depressing. I think that it's probably a really good movie, but I also think that it will make me want to kill myself.
- DirectorAndy TennantStarsJennifer AnistonGerard ButlerGio PerezA bounty hunter learns that his next target is his ex-wife, a reporter working on a murder cover-up. Soon after their reunion, the always-at-odds duo find themselves on a run-for-their-lives adventure.Sadly, I doubt this is as bad as #10.
- DirectorRobert LuketicStarsKatherine HeiglGerard ButlerBree TurnerAn uptight television producer takes control of a morning show segment on modern relationships hosted by a misogynistic man.No words can describe how intensely unwatchable this seems.
- DirectorMarc LawrenceStarsHugh GrantSarah Jessica ParkerSam ElliottIn New York City, an estranged couple who witness a murder are relocated to small town Wyoming as part of the Witness Protection Program.No, but I did hear that this was one of the worst movies of 2009. And I believe it.
- DirectorC.B. HardingStarsJeff FoxworthyBill EngvallRon WhiteThe comedic stylings of four sort-of famous funnymen are brought to the big screen courtesy of this 2002 documentary.Please don't encourage them.
- DirectorKenny OrtegaStarsMichael JacksonAlex AlAlexandra ApjarovaA compilation of interviews, rehearsals, and backstage footage of Michael Jackson as he prepared for his series of sold-out shows in London.The tagline should have said "Pedo glorification anyone? Well, this is it!"
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerJohn TurturroEmmanuelle ChriquiAn Israeli Special Forces Soldier fakes his death so he can re-emerge in New York City as a hair stylist.Oh how I wish Adam Sandler was still funny!
- DirectorSteve ShillStarsBeyoncéIdris ElbaAli LarterA successful executive's seemingly perfect career and marriage starts falling apart when his firm hires a seductive office temp.Terrible. Just absolutely terrible.
Also, perpetuates the stereotype that us crazy white bitchs are always trying to steal ourselves a "brotha". - DirectorGary WinickStarsKate HudsonAnne HathawayCandice BergenTwo best friends become rivals when they schedule their respective weddings on the same day.Did women's liberation ever happen at all?
- DirectorLuke GreenfieldStarsGinnifer GoodwinKate HudsonColin EgglesfieldFriendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé.Just because I have a vagina does not mean that I wil see any movie with Kate Hudson getting married.
- DirectorRicky GervaisMatthew RobinsonStarsRicky GervaisJennifer GarnerJonah HillA comedy set in a world where no one has ever lied, until a writer seizes the opportunity for personal gain.Something about Ricky Gervais rubs me the wrong way and the commercials were so stupid.
- DirectorDavid FrankelStarsOwen WilsonJennifer AnistonEric DaneA family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.Do I really need to explain this one?
- DirectorSteve CarrStarsKevin JamesKeir O'DonnellJayma MaysWhen a shopping mall is taken over by a gang of organized crooks, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.See above.
- DirectorCharles Robert CarnerStarsLarry the Cable GuyJenny McCarthy-WahlbergRichard BullWhen a small-town sheriff witnesses what he believes to be an attempted kidnapping, his effort to save the beautiful damsel in distress sets him down a wild path of comic mishap.See above.
- DirectorTodd PhillipsStarsRobert Downey Jr.Zach GalifianakisMichelle MonaghanHigh-strung father-to-be Peter Highman is forced to hitch a ride with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay on a road trip in order to make it to his child's birth on time.The dog in it is sooo cute but that's nowhere near enough to redeem this from a super crappy remake of "Planes Trains And Automobiles". I hate RDJ and Zach Galifinakis is the same character as he was in The Hangover.
- DirectorJon FavreauStarsRobert Downey Jr.Mickey RourkeGwyneth PaltrowWith the world now aware of his identity as Iron Man, Tony Stark must contend with both his declining health and a vengeful mad man with ties to his father's legacy.I love me some ScarJo and Sam Jackson but no, absolutely not.
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsClint EastwoodBee VangChristopher CarleyAfter a Hmong teenager tries to steal his prized 1972 Gran Torino, a disgruntled, prejudiced Korean War veteran seeks to redeem both the boy and himself.Clint Eastwood playing an old racist guy? What a stretch! I bet that was a really challenging role for him.
- DirectorScott CooperStarsJeff BridgesMaggie GyllenhaalColin FarrellA faded country music musician is forced to reassess his dysfunctional life during a doomed romance that also inspires him.I don't wanna see Jeff Bridges being old & gross and I especially don't want to see Maggie Gyllenhaal fall in love with him.
- DirectorPeter BillingsleyStarsVince VaughnMalin AkermanJon FavreauA comedy centered around four couples who settle into a tropical-island resort for a vacation. While one of the couples is there to work on the marriage, the others fail to realize that participation in the resort's therapy sessions is not optional.Carlos Ponce is a total piece but there are too many other unfunny, unattractive people for me to enjoy it.
- DirectorAlejandro AgrestiStarsKeanu ReevesSandra BullockChristopher PlummerA lonely doctor who once occupied an unusual lakeside house begins to exchange love letters with its former resident, a frustrated architect. They must try to unravel the mystery behind their extraordinary romance before it's too late.I wish I could have written a letter to Alejandro Agresti in 2006 and told him not to make this movie in 2004. Or ever.
- DirectorPeter BergStarsWill SmithCharlize TheronJason BatemanHancock is a superhero whose ill-considered behavior regularly causes damage in the millions. He changes when the person he saves helps him improve his public image.I understand the "need" for a black superhero, but why the hell is he homeless?
- DirectorMark HelfrichStarsDane CookJessica AlbaDan FoglerIn order to keep the woman of his dreams from falling for another guy, Charlie Logan has to break the curse that has made him wildly popular with single women: Sleep with Charlie once, and the next man you meet will be your true love.The poster is probably the only funny thing about this movie. I hate Jessica Alba and Dane Cook can only play himself, which is an irritating schmuck.
- DirectorBobby FarrellyPeter FarrellyStarsOwen WilsonJason SudeikisChristina ApplegateRick and Fred, two husbands who are having difficulty in their marriages, are given a Hall Pass by their wives: for one week, they can do whatever they want.If you want a week off of marriage, then get divorced! This is not only an unfunny premise, it seems really degrading to women.
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsEddie MurphyThandiwe NewtonTerry CrewsA mild-mannered guy, who is married to a monstrous woman, meets the woman of his dreams, and schemes to find a way to be with her.Oh how I wish Eddie Murphy was still funny!
- DirectorTerry ZwigoffStarsBilly Bob ThorntonBernie MacLauren GrahamA miserable conman and his partner pose as Santa and his Little Helper to rob department stores on Christmas Eve. But they run into problems when the conman befriends a troubled kid.It's sad that Bernie Mac wasted his talents on turds such as this.
- DirectorFrank CoraciStarsKevin JamesRosario DawsonLeslie BibbA group of zoo animals decide to break their code of silence in order to help their lovable zookeeper find love, without opting to leave his current job for something more illustrious.Kevin James just isn't funny and Rosario Dawson is the same character in every movie I've seen her in.
- DirectorTod WilliamsStarsKatie FeatherstonMicah SloatMolly EphraimAfter experiencing what they think are a series of "break-ins", a family sets up security cameras around their home, only to realize that the events unfolding before them are more sinister than they seem.I hated the first one.
- DirectorPhil TraillStarsSandra BullockBradley CooperThomas Haden ChurchConvinced that a CCN cameraman is her true love, an eccentric crossword puzzler trails him as he travels all over the country, hoping to convince him that they belong together.