toilet_poodle Reviews

Halloween (1978)

yawn

[1/10 · 21 April 2007]

Perhaps one of the most overrated so-called horror classics ever made, Halloween does feature the memorable Michael Myers and some great acting by Jamie Lee Curtis.

However, its rewatchability factor is very close to zero, as there is an unforgivable amount of time spent on dullness/culmination to the actual events.

This is the sort of movie you can walk away from to microwave popcorn and not miss anything at all.

How it spawned so many sequels, I will never comprehend.

Thank God Rob Zombie is remaking this. And generally, I hate remakes.

Surely he will more than compensate for all the random time-filling gaps with some quirky points of interest that the original severely lacks.

This is a movie we feel we have to like, much like the way we're taught that we SHOULD enjoy Dickens.

Don't assume this is a classic.

The Cheetah Girls 2 (2005 TV Movie)

i feel cheetah-ed

[1/10 · 7 December 2006]

okay, no i don't really feel feel cheetah-ed, because i knew this was going to be really dumb and bad just from watching the commercials thay were running all the time.

this a movie about some annoying talentless girls and they're stupid band. they are all really shallow and spoiled and whiny; kind of like those rich Disney girls must be in real life, so that is why i don't understand how the acting sucks so bad because probably they are just playing themselves anyways. the music is nothing good or special but its so much easier to just cut into some dance video than have a script that is worth my time, so that's what happens in this movie. it is lucky for them that you can do a lot of things with sound equipment to make it seem like someone has an okay singing voice and mostly its little kids watching this, who don't care if someone is fat or can't act or the other girl with the butterface. there is nothing special about any one of them except they're mommy hired an agent or something and must of pid them really a lot.

Desperation (2006 TV Movie)

More of a Rough Draft

[1/10 · 24 May 2006]

I thought the pseudo-theology presented here was unbelievable, unconvincing and TAKed together badly. If you read the book, maybe you can help me patch things together, because the movie certainly didn't. What is TAK? As a deity, he's pathetic. You can go to his home and blow it up... most gods don't have an actual residence, or talk to you in electronic-sounding colloquialisms. Too bad his, umm, hole got violated though. Are all animals pretty much subject to him, indiscriminately? Is he based on ANYTHING at all? Native American? What did the 2 Chinese miners have to do with him? Did they simply unleash him and get taken over, was TAK supposed to be of Asian origin? Did they bring him there? What? Why were there dead bodies everywhere, but that select little group (unharmed) in the jail? Why not just kill them right away? How does it make sense to kill the little girl and leave the grown-ups alive? I was waiting to see what the predictable group of strangers had in common, but there wasn't anything. "Collie Entragian" - I thought maybe that name was supposed to be a clue, or a joke I didn't get. Still not sure... Another great name was "Pie," the soap-carrying ghost sister. David seemed like a sad Christian reincarnation of (what's his name, the kid from the Shining). What's with Stephen King and his fixation on kids with eerie powers and pseudo-divine connections anyway (Shining, Pet Sematary, Firestarter)? And will he ever just get over himself, and do something that does not involve a writer as a main character? Doesn't this seem a bit recycled?