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Terror Train 2 (2022)
Choo Choo
TERROR TRAIN 2 2022
Tagline: Nope.
Horror, Mystery, Choo Choo
Note: This movie was direct to Tubi's streaming service. It was not given an MPAA rating, but would definitely have been an R.
Maybe when she saw a sicko like you try to turn a tragedy into her own personal brand for some lame a-s murder app.
This is the direct follow up to TERROR TRAIN 2022. This time around they have turned the train where all of the murders happened over a year earlier into a train called "Terror Train". The train will allow any passengers that are college seniors, but The Prez is encouraging the passengers that survived the original slashing to take the ride again as a method of "cleansing" their fears and traumas. The party is dubbed the New Year's Eve redemption ride. It doesn't take long before the bodies start piling up as a new sinister killer is terrorizing the ride, but who is it?
It's pretty rare for a movie to come out and in the same year, its own sequel comes out, but I decided to check this out because the remake of TERROR TRAIN was actually pretty good with a really interesting twist. I like that they brought back a few of the original characters, but they do a pretty good job of giving us a reason they would be interested. When I was younger I had a lot of idiot friends that would have gladly done an idiotic thing after it almost killed them the first time. That is part of why very few of them are "still" friends. I will say that none of my friends were murder or true crime obsessed. One thing this sequel does is keep the level of how moral debased people can be. There is a girl on the train named Pet (who was also in the first one) that is live streaming the ride poking fun at the events of the first train ride.
The tension this script creates between the characters is shockingly high quality for a horror flick that wasn't going to theaters. Writers Aaron Martin and Ian Carpenter has a bit of an underground series of cult classics brewing here. Robyn Alomar crushes the role of Alana once again. She plays a more traumatized version of Alana in this one, but it makes sense given the events of the first one. Tim Rozon also returns as The Magician and is also good and slightly creepy in this one. We get Tori Barban back as Merry. She is just as dense as before. Dakota Jamal Wellman returns as The Prez and his character is more likable in this one even if his motives for doing a terror train is shaky. Romy Weltman returns as Pet and plays the role with the same consistency. She is the only one of the 4 acting talents I have mentioned so far that didn't do a "Christmas" movie in between the TERROR TRAIN flicks. Nadine Bhabha returns as Sadie and is now actually the trains conductor. One of the few newcomers with a lot of screen time is Nia Roam as Claudia.
Cinematically this is low budget so walk into it like you would be watching something that doesn't have big time Hollywood production and you might be pleasantly surprised if you like old school style slashers. The acting for the most part is pretty good, but there is one cast member that seems slightly out of place. I won't go into who the cast member is, but it will be noticeable. If I have any complaints, it's that there is at least one really unnecessary scene where a few characters end up kneeling at the altar of wokeness. On the upside, the scene is extremely short, so it's not going to affect my score for the film. This one also has an outstanding score.
A lot like the first one this one has a "really" unexpected ending. Both of these films feature master class misdirection. Not sure if there will be any more films in this series, but the first 2 are both weirdly impressive.
This one gets a 8 out of 10.
Fall (2022)
Hollywood has a huge writing incompetence problem.
FALL (2022)
Tagline: Fear reaches new heights.
Thriller, Drama, Two Idiots PG-13
In this one, a young woman named Becky has spent nearly a year in a spiral of depression after the loss of her husband. Her friend Hunter, who was present when Becky's husband died, decides to try and get Becky out of her shell. The plan is to climb a 2,000-foot radio tower and post it on Instagram.
First off, this movie is getting some flack because LIONSGATE wanted a PG-13 rating and cut out a lot of the profanity in the film using an AI mouth manipulation bit of software. That technology is scary as hell because it basically means you can make anyone say anything you want and manipulate their mouth movements to achieve that. So I can definitely see where this technology and move on LIONSGATE's part is controversial. Perhaps my bigger problem though is that we have a real "writing incompetence" problem in Hollywood in general. If you can't pump some actual vocabulary into that script that is going to get the point across without dropping f-bombs on your audience, you are failing as a writer. LIONSGATE does not need to fix this thing if it was well written from the start.
Acting wise I have seen some people ripping on Grace Caroline Currey and Virginia Gardner but they are not any part of the problem with this movie. I do feel like the director probably has an obsession with breasts though because almost every change they go, we are seeing down what little shirts Becky and Hunter are wearing. There is a reason given that Hunter is showing so much, but in this type of film, it just seemed very out of place. Grace Caroline Currey who plays Becky is most famous for her role in SHAZAM! As Mary. She shows a great deal of range in this one, so I do not understand where any complaints are coming from regarding her. I will say that Virginia Gardner playing Hunter was a bit more challenged. She's playing a very dislikable character. Essentially this is the idiot friend that you kinda want to like, but she's shady as hell and makes stupid decisions. Gardner is a LOT better in the TV show "Runaways". We also get a small dose of Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Becky's father James. This was a relief because I can't stand this dude as an actor in almost anything aside from RAMPAGE. At least in this, he's playing a concerned father, but the role could have been pulled off by any one of thousands of actors out there.
If you are in the middle of a breakup or have lost someone recently, how you perceive this movie might differ greatly. I don't want to say this is a "thrill ride". It's more like a slow-moving anxiety-laden nightmare scape that still manages to convey the human spirit waking up and deciding to fight. However, there are two sub-stories in this that add layers of tension that didn't necessarily need to be there. Both storylines are big-time depressing downers. In that sense, this movie is a bit of both. It's a downer and a triumph film, but it's a long wait for those little rays of hope.
For animal lovers, this movie does contain an animal cruelty scene, but to be honest, it was totally necessary, even as grossly carried out as it was. I don't want to say there is a lot of gore in this, but there is enough to warrant maybe not taking your very young daughters to see it like the mom sitting next to me at the theater did.
Overall this isn't going to be for everyone and it's typically not a movie I would go see even as someone that does as many reviews as I do. I think the current lack of movies is kind of what drove me to check this out and honestly, the premise sounded pretty interesting. I do wish we had gotten better characters but Becky at least is worth rooting for and if you can get around to embracing her, this movie is a lot better watch, than if you don't. You will also want to make sure you can handle watching people deal with dizzying heights if you want to check this out.
FALL gets a 4 out of 7, but it's probably not going to crack my TOP 20 movies for 2022. If you are already a very anxious person, definitely just skip this thing.
Honor Society (2022)
This Thing Is Rough As Hell
HONOR SOCIETY (2022)
Tagline: Getting to the top means taking down your competition.
(Drama, Young Adult, Downer) PG-13
Note: This movie was released directly to Paramount +, so it didn't get an MPAA rating, but I think it would have been a PG-13.
In this one, a girl named Honor is desperate to get into Harvard when it becomes apparent that she is up against some other competition against 3 other students she feels she needs to take out of the running by distracting them from getting good grades.
First off, the preview for this thing is misleading as hell. It makes you think that this is going to be a fun little comedy mostly centered around Honor played by Angourie Rice (SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING) and Michael played by Gaten Matarazzo (STRANGER THINGS). Instead, we get a movie that only has a few scenes with those two and most of those are in the preview. This is a FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF-like movie that does a lot of fourth wall breaking but most of it is not in a good way. I say that because "Honor" the main character is a lot like Ferris in the sense that she is really just about herself and uses people. I will say more on this later in the review.
Where this movie fails is in just being overall misleading in its promotions and trailer, but it's also not a comedy. Perhaps if you consider movies like SPONTANEOUS funny, then I guess for you might be slightly comedy. I didn't see humor anywhere in this damn thing. Another issue is the actual fourth wall problem. Honor as a character is just a disaster of a person, but nearly every time she breaks the fourth wall it's to patronize the audience watching the movie. There are lots of parts of this film where Honor assumes you are basically an idiot and can't follow the movie's pretty simplistic rehashed plot.
Another issue I had with this thing is the fact that even in 2022, we are still getting films overplaying the importance of going to college. This isn't the 1980s. No one these days "needs" to go to college or their life is over. If anything college for most people ends up being a huge waste of time and money IF they are not taking classes that will lead to a real career. We also get a pretty jacked-out scene where the movie is kind of trying to paint Queen Mary (the first ever Queen of England, a Catholic who was also referred to as "Bloody Mary") as a saint. I guess it depends on your perspective, but she is well known for burning at least 300 Protestants at the stake. I have no freaking idea what the writer was really going for here, but there is a scene in here that is essentially a celebration of her.
As if not being funny isn't bad enough, this movie also takes some pretty dark turns for a movie most people are probably going to go into hoping is light and fluffy. By the end of the movie you pretty much want to not have anything to do with any of these characters. Yes, Honor does have some character growth, but this comes late in the movie, then at the very end, we are shown more scenes that kind of lead you to believe she's learned nothing. While this might be more realistic than having things work out, it's also a LOT less fun making this movie a downer with little to offer other than seeing people you wanted to root for absolutely suck.
Overall, I wish this movie was as funny and clever as the previews would lead us to believe, but instead it's a poorly written mess with some ideas feeling like they were afterthoughts and not part of the original script.
For me, this is a 2 out of 7. Not the worst movie of 2022, but it's way down there.
The Most Reluctant Convert (2021)
Honesty and Inspiration that Astound!
THE MOST RELUCTANT CONVERT - 2021
Tagline: The Untold Story Of C. S. Lewis
Note - This movie wasn't given an MPAA rating, but it is definitely suitable for all audiences.
This is the dramatic retelling of the true story of C. S. Lewis from his youth to his unlikely conversion to Christianity. It covers his traumatic childhood facing his mother's death at an earlier age, his distant father, his experience in The Great War, his friendship with J. R. R. Tolkien and Hugo Dyson and more.
First off this movie just covers a ton of stuff I never knew about C. S. Lewis and its 93 minute running time left me wanting to find out more. I mean millions have read and been both moved and entertained by C. S. Lewis who is essentially a crossover legend for both Christian and secular fans of fantasy and theology. His books are both wildly entertaining and challenging without exception. So to see something like this that deals completely with his early life and really doesn't broach his writing excellence at all was pretty fascinating.
If you read my reviews a lot you know I don't just go running to bibliographies with open arms. I actually run from them a lot like C. S. Lewis did the concept of anything outside the material world. I for one am fairly skeptical of most "faith based" films. Sadly the production and quality acting in one is about like trying to find a real needle in a stack of fake ones. I wish this wasn't the case because the messages are almost always mind-blowing or at the very least inspiring. This is not to say there are not a handful of newer productions and even some older ones that seem to fly well above the production subfloor. This is one of those films.
I loved how this thing was put together and the storytelling method was extremely engaging. It was almost like having C. S. Lewis telling you all this and you are standing right there with him in the movie. Max McLean plays the elder version of C. S. Lewis like someone who has been in Hollywood for decades. His performance is superb and unforgettable. Turns out he has only done a small batch of faith based films, but wow. I would love to see more of McLean's productions. Just his acting alone is worth seeing this movie, but the width and breadth of the script is rich and thought provoking in regards to value, purpose, and pondering your own place in the universe as anything you will see on screen in the next decade or more. I also really liked Nicholas Ralph as kind of the "college age" C. S. Lewis, but he wasn't as funny as the elder C. S. Lewis who did all the narration, often along-side the other versions of himself, but never interacting. Eddie Ray Martin is also very solid as the younger C. S. Lewis in the film. Tom Glenister is brilliant as J. R. R. Tolkien and gets more screen time than David Shields who played Hugo Dyson. David Shields has been acting for a while and was even in an episode of "Doctor Who". I should also note that Amy Alexander (who plays C. S. Lewis's mom) stands out in this but her time on screen is extremely brief.
Execution wise and in regards to the pacing, this movie is near perfect. I really didn't feel there were any lulls and the injections of humor at just the right time helped lighten up some of the struggles we see Lewis face in this film. If you have never seen the stage play, all I can say is expect the unexpected. I can't say enough how much I love this thing and how it brought out the very real challenges of meticulously and fervently combating the obvious truth of Jesus Christ and the ultimate acceptance that the I AM is the I AM.
My only critique of this thing is that I wanted a longer movie. I really just wanted to know more. Actually I do have a second thing to point out, we also get a bit of a "making of" this movie before the movie. I felt that was oddly placed. If you want to tell us how you made it and what went into it, do that afterwards. I can't wait to get the DVD or BLU RAY of this thing. It's something I see myself watching often.
Overall this is a very powerful film aimed at everyone. It is full of inspiration and honesty and I can't give it anything less than a 10 out of 10.
Spontaneous (2020)
If This Is The Garbage We Are Passing Off As Teen Entertainment, We Are Screwed
SPONTANEOUS (2020)
Tagline: An Explosive Love Story
In this one we get the story of a high school senior class where kids start randomly exploding. Like all over the freakin place. They story is told from the perspective of a reckless alcoholic who is a horrible friend named Mara (played by Katherine Langford probably best known for her role in KNIVES OUT). What is causing this? Is there a cure? And who will survive?
First off, if you watch the preview for this, it's actually got one of the more interesting and bizarre premises of all the 2020 movies. It looks funny and even inspiring. Unfortunately this movie isn't any of that for the vast majority of its run time. It starts out at a pretty break neck and pretty funny speed and feel. Humor is thrown into a pretty dark situation to make this movie watchable.
Acting wise Katherine Langford is fantastic. I haven't seen her outside of KNIVES OUT, but her character here is well played. The downside however is that the script and the character both suck. Mara is the last person I would want to be around if my class was exploding. Her friend Tess however (played by Hayley Law) is actually extremely likeable and is a person I would want to be around. Sadly the movie doesn't focus on that, it's more wrapped around the romance between Mara and Dylan (played by Charlie Plummer). Plummer is great in this flick, but again the whole thing unfortunately is sucked into the vortex of oblivion by a Debbie Downer plotline loaded with self-loathing and misery. This damn thing is also loaded with so many unnecessary F-bomb's and just full blown vitriol that it dissects any chance at enjoying this movie after the first 30 minutes or so.
I was wondering after seeing what looked like a promising preview why no one was talking about this movie. I mean, I keep my fingers on the moving going pulse the best I can, and from the time this came out till now, no one brought it up. It's possible the timing with the virus hitting the US in 2020, that it was too close to home, but even now that we are out of the pandemic (technically we are in the endemic stage), this effort is still pretty damn rough.
The script fails in just about every imaginable way possible even if the purpose was just to get us back out there enjoying life. There are a million ways to tell that story better. This film offers no solution to its problem, it offers no cause to its problem, it offers no assurance after presenting the problem and the little light at the end of the tunnel we do see, oddly seems to point to the fact that Mara is planning to get somewhere in life, with the end goal being almost completely pointless. I don't want to give away too much here, but if there is such a thing as trying to put a bow on a disaster of a movie. That is how this thing ends...only the bow is jacked out. I mean, it's not even a bow you would put on a present your worst enemy.
Does SPONTANEOUS have its moments, yes. The first 30 minutes is pretty great... but even that has some really stupid stuff in it that takes away from how good it they could have been.
For me this is a 2 out of 7*. Not something I can recommend anyone, especially someone in high school or battling substance abuse ever watch.
*Popcorn Unhinged uses a 7 point rating system.
The Monster of Phantom Lake (2006)
If you know what this is...you are in for a ton of fun!!
Back in 2006 Christopher R. Mihm decided he wanted to start making a bunch of movies that celebrated the 50's and 60's sci-fi genre. To date, he hasn't stopped or showed any signs of stopping. In fact he had another movie come out this year called "QUEEN OF SNAKES". In his first several films he worked a lot with actor/producer Josh Craig. Craig is good in this film but seems to have a real distain for the acting style used in the 50's and 60's because he takes the method to a point that is so over the top that it's almost uncomfortable to watch. In this one he plays Professor Jackson (a re-occurring character) who is oddly on a trip in the woods alone with a female grad student, studying the effects of toxic waste. They end up running into several teens camping in the area. Oh, and there is a crazed creature running around killing people. It's a dude with a costume that looks basically like it's been tarred and feathered and has a bucket with googly eyes on the head. It's freakin fantastic.
Acting wise as mentioned Professor Jackson is a little tough to handle. His dialog is oddly laced with pauses throughout. I know he is acting like this on purpose because he doesn't do it in all of his films, but damn it gets annoying. Everyone else is actually pretty great, and Leigha Horton (who went on to product another tv show after this) stands out as Stephanie Yates. I am not sure how things went on set, but it appears that everyone in this film is just having an absolute blast. The production does a really stellar job of staying close to the best trying to re-imagine the 50's sci-fi era. I have seen a lot of these attempts and this one is probably the best. It's also shot completely in black and white.
I have read some complaints about the length of the film and this is a warranted complaint. I think the movie could have cut out 37 minutes of dialog and been just fine. It's like when someone calls that you don't want to talk to, and you try and pay attention but you are thinking, they should have just sent an email. As an example THE KILLERSHREWS was 69 minutes and came from that era. You don't need to drag things out when the plot is as simple as this one was. Even THE WASP WOMAN clocked in at 63 minutes. Come to think of it, the extra 37 minutes this movie didn't need was probably all the freakin pauses Professor Jackson used just trying to finish his sentences. It does take a while to finally get to the monster in this one, but it's so wonderfully hooky, it's worth the wait. Gotta give this one a 5 out of 7 for its effort alone. On IMDB is't an 8 out of 10
-Popcorn Unhinged
Mortal Engines (2018)
So essentially, the big baddie here is the city of London on freakin wheels, with lions coming out of it.
MORTAL ENGINES (2018)
In this one the world has basically been ravaged by nuclear war. In order to survive some built cities on wheels, which ravage the land consuming other smaller cities for power and fuel. Mostly fuel unless you are a crazed lunatic like Thaddeus Valentine (played by Hugo Weaving) who basically just wants power. So essentially, the big baddie here is the city of London on freakin wheels, with lions coming out of it. It's probably the coolest steampunk dream anyone has ever had. We end up finding out that Hester Shaw (played by Hera Hilmar) is after Thaddeus because of something he did in his past. No, I am not going to give it away. If you read the book you might know, but this isn't the book, it's the movie that has the same name as the book.
Anyway - from the moment this thing starts we are thrown into an exceeding well developed and thought out steam punk world of flying machines, machines under the ground, and like I said before cities on wheels. In the midst of all this is some actual brilliant story telling which reminded me a lot of ROGUE ONE. Just enough to make you care, but not puffed up or overloaded in any way. Hester's backstory is the stuff of legends and is probably residing in the pages of macabre history books gathering dust in old libraries in Europe somewhere. There is enough in this movie to encompass 3 or 4 lessor efforts, but instead we get a powerhouse not quite like anything we have ever seen. It's kind of like if the set of the 2nd HELLBOY and STARDUST had a post-apocalyptic baby.
Overall MORTAL ENGINES is inspired, stunning and brilliant, but sadly looks like that won't be recognized at the moment given the box office numbers. Scrap this up to being reduced an enthralling well- constructed cult classic in 20 years. Actually - overall maybe that's not half bad. The acting and cinematography is done on a grand scale giving this movie more punch than most of what's come out this year. MORTAL ENGINES gets a solid 7 out of 7 and is already on the BLU-RAY must have list.