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Splinter (2008)
It accomplishes what it needs to
You can tell it was low budget, but only with the creature. It is a creature flick (my only spoiler).
You cannot generally tell it's low budget by the acting (with one exception, which is thankfully brief) or direction.
The story is so simple, and easy to follow which alone, nearly makes you uneasy. There are some fantastic moments of pure suspense. You fall in love with every character, even the creature. Yes, even the creature was given character, which I loved intensely.
I did not get bored. My butt didn't hurt. It's not too long, nor is it too short. The pacing is spot on. It's not meant to be a work of art, so you don't get a whole lot of character development. What you do get are eerily familiar, and realistic characters that don't see a need for talking too much about themselves (because most, real people don't).
I'd like to see the actors and director again. Could've been edited slightly better though.
Severance (2006)
A fun little romp in the dark
It is violent. It is horror. It is comedy. With that being said, I think it's comical when people complain that the movie is what it claims to be.
'It makes fun of scary things.' Why yes, it's a dark comedy.
'The villains are too real to be properly made fun of.' Are you discouraging a film for having realistic antagonists? Your opinion is officially invalid.
'The characters weren't very thoroughly developed.' Most of them die almost immediately, and I guess you've never had a job before.
'I don't think it's funny when people get hurt.' My advice to you is, "Don't watch dark comedies."
Did I personally find the movie funny? Of course, I did. I was actually hoping we'd see a hooker thrown into a wood-chipper, because I like dark humor.
Did I think it was too scary? The movie had deliberately misplaced tension to mock its audience for getting scared. I found this to be cheeky, and well done.
What of the rating? I think it would be higher if not for audience members too embarrassed to admit a comedy scared them.
"Shaun of the Dead" was a brighter, happier film despite it, in fact, being dark comedy.
The movie in question here, "Severance," is at times, uncomfortable to watch. This is not due to poor execution or even bad writing (*cough cough* Suicide Squad *cough cough*), the discomfort stems from slightly more believable subject matter. Terrorists carving up vacationers in the forest is far more believable than mummy dearest taking on a zombie.
I enjoyed the array of emotions I felt watching this film. Apparently, a few other audience members prefer a more 2-dimensional "rom-com" with a few zombies.
*Bonus points for a truly entertaining heroine. I identified with that blonde bitch from the moment I saw her.
The Brave Little Toaster (1987)
Some of the darkest themes...
This is by far one of the darkest movies I've ever watched. Within the first 10 minutes of the movie witness the delusions of Stockholm Syndrome. Not long after, comes the complete meltdown of a war vet alienated by PTSD. "IT'S MY FUNCTION," as he puts it.
Continue watching for allusions toward the superficial and lonely stage of a Hollywood star (or should I say, flower), organ trade (pawnshop), and my favorite part of the movie where a junkyard, featuring the song, "Worthless" serves metaphor to retirement homes.
Retirement homes are presented as a junkyard in this movie. Think long and hard about that before calling this a children's movie.
The antagonist is a child, "Master" of a group of home appliances each suffering from unique mental illnesses including but not limited narcissism, anxiety/panic attacks, depression, dissociative identity disorder, and co-dependency.
It's a disturbing tale brilliantly disguised as a children's movie.
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)
A very special movie...
I adore this film. It is particularly pleasant to watch with a delightful end. There are a few aspects of this movie that impress me:
1. It takes a Mary Sue type of character, and manages to make her not too irritating. She's borderline tolerable, mostly because she's viciously abused throughout the movie.
2. It's about college kids vs. hillbillies, & the hillbillies aren't cannibals, serial killers, incestuous rapists, etc... their only stereotypes are beer, fishing, & overalls.
3. Feel free to care about the leads, they have hearts of gold.
4. Feel free to hate the antagonist, you'll know who it is within 20 minutes of watching the movie.
5. Despite the very clearly depicted roles, I didn't completely predict the end.
6. It's not meant to be a work of art; but a very well produced, directed, acted, & edited lighthearted comedy.
7. There's an obscene amount of violence, but it's quite satisfying.
The Boss (2016)
Viciously Vulgar
I used to be a girl scout, and I'm now a business woman. This has become quite the guilty pleasure.
There being a minimum, I'll give some further details. This is not a comedy for everyone. Children probably wouldn't be watching this. There is VERY strong language & there are sexual themes through out the movie. It's not subtle. It is vulgar.
I would describe this movie's humor similar to that of "Sausage Party", being that if one is easily offended they most likely would not enjoy this movie.
Personally however, I think it's delightfully absurd, cheeky, & playfully cantankerous with just the right kind of trashy.
Enter the Void (2009)
Yay! Another movie about sex & drugs
I'm giving it a 7 only because I'm crazy for the editing, music, and message.
The movie itself got very repetitive with 15 minutes dedicated at the end to watching people have sex, and that's it.
Besides that, the majority of the time you're just hearing the main character's sister whine and cry, that's it. Granted, she has a terrible life and plenty of reason to cry but the run of the movie has this tendency to show you the same scenes multiple times. If we were saved from watching rerun sex-scenes and their parents die (4+ times) the movie would be about 1/3 of its actual run time.
*spoiler* He likes to watch his sister have A LOT of sex (when she's not crying, she's banging), I wouldn't be spending my afterlife like that but that's just me.
Limitless (2011)
Fun but deceptive
I appreciate a good motivational speech. I also appreciate the success driven ideologies North American society has taken in younger generations; I think it's a quality often overlooked.
Then there are societal issues that are real life problems this movie only manages to exhibit and encourage.
To begin with the movie was fun and entertaining. Nobody enjoys Bradley Cooper more than when he's a sad underdog with a soon-to-be new outlook on life. Very decent acting. Enjoyed the screenplay. Story was interesting. Robert De Niro was in it. Brought attention to the stock market and to business. What could be wrong with that?
The idea that fame and fortune is ENTIRELY luck based, which it's not (entirely). The idea that dirty business is only the practice of old, old fashioned men. We all of course know it's not. Robert De Niro was made a fool. I didn't personally enjoy that. The idea that by participating in politics can somehow change the world for the better. The message of ,"If you're not extroverted you're probably too stupid to socialize" was made apparent in the first fine minutes which is excessively offensive and harmful to a society that relies heavily on often (but not always) introverted tech. geniuses. Another message I got from this movie is, "If you're addicted to drugs, don't worry. You can get off it as soon as you become rich."
The list goes on of how this movie could've easily been taken too seriously and a bit discouraging.
There are points that I did appreciate and felt were on some level, realistic enough to relate to. There's a very fine line between illegal and legal business practice, and it's not always obvious. Politics and business are very close relatives. If you're not successful with what you thought was your calling, perhaps it's not your calling. Sometimes it takes an altered mindset to find and get what you want. Don't give up. Don't forget your goals. Have a backup plan.
And so on with more motivational mumbo jumbo. Enjoy the movie but keep in mind it's no biography with scientific backing.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
What are we so excited about?
Once upon a time someone came to us, the audience, with a problem. We inquired as to source of their distress. We were then told, "They go fast!" A harmonized gasp sounded through the audience. "How do we fix this problem," we asked. The answer was simple, "Go faster!" We applauded enthusiastically and a franchise was born. We called it, "Post Apocalyptic Fast & Furious!"
Then someone told us the title was too long and probably copyrighted by now. Being that Fast & Furious was planning to make 93.36 movies with the exact same idea, we had to change it. So we kept the "Fury" because boy is it an angry movie, and slapped "Road" on it to discretely let the general public know the movie's about cars.
"What d'you wanna see t'night, Johnny!?" "I don't know, Pop!" "Oh! How about the one with cars, Johnny!?" "Gee Pop, I hope it doesn't focus too much on plot!"
"Your wish is my command."
It was a very hallow movie, people; if you could even call it a movie. It was a loathsome attempt to win over the hearts of pop-culture. As it so happens pop-culture was indeed looking for a terrible movie with great effects. Lucky you. :) This was a bad movie people enjoy because it doesn't make them think. They can sit in the theater for two hours dribbling over high fructose corn syrup and worry about nothing beyond the flashy lights.
It was unanimous, "Soooo pretty! Oooooooo..."
Sausage Party (2016)
Not a bad way to end this terrible Summer
Normally my reviews are very lengthy so this one I'll try to keep short.
I've been waiting a long time for a decently written movie addressing the absurdity of societal prejudice. I finally received what I've been praying to the almighty Lucky Frog for.
What I appreciated most out of this movie was not just the horrific brutality shown towards multiple forms of prejudices but the non- religious way they accomplished just that.
A major theme throughout the movie did not seem to me that religion is a bad thing and should never be. Instead what I got out of this movie was that religion was simply no longer necessary.
Too many people fear the hellish depravity humanity will fall into without religion telling them how to govern their own and others' lives. "Sausage Party" maims this laughable notion in a very laughable way!
Highly enjoyable, I don't recommend it if you love religion too much to laugh at yourself.
Showgirls (1995)
I regret recommending this
I don't know how this movie was originally advertised though I imagine it'd been with a more serious tone. Normally when a bad, campy movie is widely hated I've noticed it was due to inaccurate first impressions. This leaves the movie itself with the wrong intended audience.
For a drama with a strong, female lead that one could look up to as a role model...don't watch this movie.
For a silly knee-slapper with satire oozing from its pores, I will always recommend it. However this movie is not for frigid, I will warn you now. There are very dark themes addressed in this movie most of which receive very little to no criticism from plot progression or individual characters. I'll give you an example; the one morally straight character gets raped.
Enjoy. :)
Suicide Squad (2016)
Boring Cliché
DC, what have you done? Following the "Dark Knight" trilogy this is beyond disappointing. This is just my personal opinion but I am by all means willing to explain why I feel this way.
1. No time for character development. A vital moment in every film is when you give the audience reason to care about the main characters, what they do, the decisions they make, and how the characters themselves affect the overall story. The Suicide Squad members did not affect the story. Harley did everything pretty much on her own.
2. 0 (zero) chemistry between characters. The body language and dialogue frequently clashed.
3. The characters were not as they were hyped up to be. Deadshot and Joker specifically come to mind in this particular problem. Joker is a performer, he's a CLOWN. When Joker was not written to perform for the audience but is instead preoccupied with confusing displays of affection for Harley, you know you have a problem (Joker's not affectionate to begin with). Leto simply was not allowed to be Joker. Deadshot was worse. Will Smith is a phenomenal actor who was thrown into the same screen with mediocre and stiff co-stars who suffered from a bad case of... Both of these supposed major characters with serious hype from media turned out to be rather minor.
4. HORRIFIC DIALOGUE Whoever wrote this screenplay needs to be spoken to harshly then fired. The lines were choppy. Situations were understated. Vernacular was outdated and conflicting.
5. I don't need to see SAMSUNG pop up on the screen every 15 minutes. Product placement was blatant and crass.
6. The whole movie was forced. Nothing felt natural. Gotham city is not a PG-13 city. Gotham is an R rated city with very dark and depressing themes. More than half the cast should never have been introduced. The movie wastes a lot of time rushing their intros and then has too little time in which they rush the plot.
7. The plot hardly exists. Enchantress wants to annihilate humanity. Harley stops her. The end. Should take maybe an hour and a half (if you want slow and gradual buildup), but ends up taking two hours. So factor in at least 30 minutes of, "Hi, my name is ___________ and I won't be doing much. #YOLO" Dialogue is that bad, yes.
8. Did I mention Joker + Social Media? That was painful to sit through. Painful. Fortunately it was quick. We didn't suffer long.
9. It wasn't bad enough to be laughed at and it certainly wasn't good enough to be enjoyed. Suicide Squad was boring. I was bored almost to sleep. It's been a while since I fell asleep during a movie at the theater. I did not expect Suicide Squad to do that to me. I stayed awake only because I didn't want my friend to realize it had been a complete waste of time.
How this movie could've been saved: 1. Follow the script and don't second guess yourself with multi-million dollar re-shoots. The first trailer was captivating, eerie, and exciting. The final trailer was messy, too exaggerated in all the wrong ways, and cliché.
2. Spend that extra couple million on better cast, better editing, and better effects.
3. Pick a genre.
4. Pick an antagonist.
5. Pick a protagonist.
6. Plan to have antagonist and protagonist disagree on something.
7. Have that something turn into a problem that needs to be fixed.
8. Plan to have that problem addressed.
9. Pat yourself on the back because you just discovered plot.