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Reviews
Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)
Absolute Crap!
It can best be summarized by what I learned from the film: 1. You'll always have time to change your hair, makeup, clothes, and overall appearance when on the run from puppets. 2. AK-47s were actually used by Nazi's and used before 1947 when the Russians started using them. 3. It's easy for Nazis to get into the U.S. undetected and prance around Los Angeles in full Nazi uniforms. 4. While Leech Women and Jester could easily escape a cloth bag, a puppet with a drill on his head CANNOT. 5. Cool puppets like Ninja just disappear without a good explanation. 6. In one day, Danny was able to upgrade from a small apartment to a two story house. 7. ONLY Chinese women can be called Dragon Queens NOT Japanese women. 8. Don't trust EVEN Bible salesmen 9. Women were allowed to be high ranking officers in the Nazi army 10. The U.S. Army is unable to detect Nazi's who wear full uniforms in Chinatown where they're the only White people there. 11. Protecting heroes is beneath a sergeant who has served 11 combat tours 12. Nazis were able to sneak in Hitler busts and swastika statues into the U.S. 13. Nazis are not afraid to speak German in public and on U.S. soil 14. Heels are the perfect footwear for women sneaking around a Nazi hideout. 15. As menacing as puppets with guns can look, there's a chance that they're VERY inaccurate especially if they're designed by Nazis. 16. Kamikaze is historically the first puppet who says words as opposed to grunting, whimpering, and laughing. 17. What the hell happened to Blitzkrieg and Weremacht? 18. Letting the person who created evil puppets go instead of getting him arrested by the army is a smart move.
Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)
By Far One of the WORST Overdue Sequels Ever!
I'm a huge fan of the Puppet Master series and have been praying for a sequel worthy of making me forget about crappy sequels such as Curse of the Puppet Master and Puppet Master: Legacy.
UNFORTUNATELY, my prayers were NOT answered and was presented the antithesis of what I wanted.
Why this movie SUCKED?
1. God Awful acting. Yes, I know it's a B-movie and not to expect Oscar worthy performances, but this was VERY sub-par for a B-movie or a Full Moon production in general. The actress who played Ozu did one of the WORST Asian accents ever. She sounded like a constipated Bernadette Peters. The Nazi's kept falling out of a German accent into a VERY American sounding accent. Actually, I don't think they were ever speaking in a German accent. The actor who played Don was VERY annoying and I was kind of glad when the character died and became a silent puppet.
2. NO Respect to History and NO Effort in Writing. The writers clearly did NOT pick up a history book. This movie is set in 1939 and yet Pearl Harbor, Nazi Death Camps, and Kamikaze pilots have already existed. These things did NOT happen until after 1941. This movie was just an excuse to spew out every anti-Japanese/German sentiment said during WWII. In addition to the poor attention to details, the movie sounded like it was written by an elementary school student.
Bottom Line: Watch it online for free!
10,000 BC (2008)
I Didn't Like it the First Time...
When it was called "The Scorpion King." It was by no means original! Let's see... an unlikely hero manages to overthrow a huge Empire set in ancient times. Actually this wasn't the first time that this story was told. I think I liked it even better when it was called Conan the Barbarian. Sure they probably spent millions of dollars on special effects, but everyone knows that million dollars of special effects does not equate to a great movie. Look at the original Star Wars trilogy versus the prequels loaded with million dollar effects. We all know the clear cut winner was the Original trilogy which didn't need any cgi crap. So save your money. Rent Conan the Barbarian.
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Boss Hogg and Sheriff Rosco
Another great American classic that has been taken a huge crap on. Who am I to pass judgment? Why someone who grew up watching the show and still watches it on the Country Music TV channel to this day.
If I was to name one thing that bothered the hell out of me, it would be the depiction of the characters, notably Boss Hogg and Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.
Who are these two characters, you might ask? Well to make it brief. In the TV series, they were the so called, "villains" of the show. They weren't necessarily villains because you liked them because they were hilarious and sometimes they would even help out the Dukes when fighting bank robbers, thieves, and politicians even more crooked than Boss Hogg.
There are several differences between the TV and movie depicted characters.
TV: Boss Hogg=Fat, Rosco= Nice Movie: Boss Hogg= Not fat, Rosco=a fat jerk These differences really ruined it for me.
In the TV show, Boss Hogg was fat and that was great. One, his name made sense. Two, his character represented greed, both in money and in food( he was always shown having a four course meal each for each of the three standard meals). Also, his size added comedic value as well. In the movie, none of these characteristics were evident. He's just a skinny scumbag who wasn't funny at all.
Sheriff Rosco in the TV show was the bad guy who didn't want to be a bad guy. He was only following Boss Hogg's orders because Hogg threatened to screw him out of his pension. As a result Rosco was a nice guy who feared Boss Hogg. The movie shows none of this. He's the character you just hate in the movie-a crooked cop who goes around threatening people with his gun. In fact, why he followed Boss Hogg in the movie made no sense at all. He could have easily taken him down anytime.
Bottom line: The way Boss Hogg and Sheriff Rosco were portrayed in the movie were as characters that you truly hated. That's not how it's supposed to be, dammit! Ironically the only character that was somewhat closely portrayed was Daisy Duke played by Jessica Simpson. They showed that Daisy was the hot chick who could take care of herself. And they also showed Deputy Enos' obsession with her (maybe a little too over the top).