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Hypnotic (2023)
It's Inception for dumb people, but even with that low target, it still missed.
It feels cobbled together, written on the fly, edited randomly and like they only had the sets for the day and had to rush the entire production.
Ben seems to be hitting the bottom with this one, so here's hoping he can bounce. I guess it's true, what they say about finding sobriety and success in your personal life meaning you're destined to fail professionally. Frankly, his acting in this film made me wonder if he'd fallen off the wagon - surely he was drunk when he agreed to make it - at least that would provide him with an excuse.
If you can endure it all the way until the final credits, you're more of a masochist than I.
Something from Tiffany's (2022)
Well, that was unexpectedly unpleasant
Even by fluffy romcom standards this one stood out as dismal. The characters were poorly written and clumsily realized, the chemistry between and among them was literally nonexistent and the story lacked coherence, logic and direction. It was impossible to suspend disbelief enough to believe any of it and as bad as the past few films Zoey has chosen to do have been, another one like this and she might find herself forced to do exclusively do Hallmark romances. Just stream "The Setup" if you're having trouble remembering Zoey's once promising potential - it was her last movie worth the price of admission.
Meet Cute (2022)
Romcoms only work when the couple is appealing in some way
I'd pay to see this couple not get together. When you start a romcom with such a terribly mismatched and poorly cast couple, there's really nowhere to go but down - as evidenced by this film. I suppose the time travel premise was necessary to entice anyone to even give this movie a try, but when the characters are so unappealing and off-putting, no amount of sci-fi gimmickry would have saved it. I couldn't tell you how it ended, since it was a tossup as to which was the more annoying character and ultimately I concluded it didn't matter enough to figure it out or finish the film. Just another example of streaming services having too much capital to throw around at scripts that never would have been greenlit in a tighter capital market where market forces and competition would have led to a far better movie being made.
The Requin (2022)
Perfect film for masochist and could be the solution to prison overcrowding.
I've done a lot of bad things in my life and caused much pain and suffering to others along the way, so I had been looking for ways to balance the karmic scales. But, after watching this film, I feel I've been well punished, paid my debt to society and have been absolved of all guilt. In fact, were I to be forced to watch it again, society would definitely owe me a few more years of debauchery and mayhem (don't worry, the deterrent is more than adequate).
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
It's usually a mistake to revisit the distant past...
No exception to that rule here.
When I was a freshman in college, I really wanted to go out with this beautiful, stylish and smart girl from my English class. It took me weeks to get up the courage to talk to her and I didn't really think I had a chance since there were always so many other guys in her orbit. But, she was really receptive and we dated exclusively for the last two months of the semester until I transferred to another school. We fell out of touch since college is so full of distractions and changes, but about 6 years later when my company sent me to Atlanta to work on a transaction, I looked her up since she lived nearby. I also called up a few other friends from school who I knew were living in and around Atlanta and thought I'd throw a little expense-account-funded party in my suite at the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead. A few of us were already a couple of drinks in when I received a call from the front desk wanting to confirm that I was expecting a female guest and asking me to describe her. I described her from memory and was told my description didn't match so, I said I'd be down in a minute. When I arrived at the front desk, the girl looked almost nothing like she did the last time I'd seen her - to the point I barely recognized anything about her. She had dyed her hair from raven black to a sort of orange with the intention of going blonde and had gained about 50 pounds, but the most shocking transformation was her face and eyes. I learned weeks later, she'd been in drug rehab for the prior 6 months after a family intervention to extricate her from an abusive relationship with a drug dealer who had hooked her on heroin and meth in-between beatings. She had been binge eating to replace the drug addiction which explained the massive weight gain, but her skin, teeth and eyes had been ravaged by the drugs.
It was such a violent contrast to my last memory of her, that I was left literally speechless. I tried to act gracious, but couldn't hide my shock and even disgust at what she had allowed herself to become so soon after college. I had a hard time explaining to my other friends who she was and why she had been invited and it ended with her screaming expletives at me as she stormed down the hallway to the elevator as I followed behind her feigning words of regret but inwardly grateful for her departure.
This movie is like that.
Leave the past alone - it's there for a reason. I wish the creative team behind this sequel had believed that.
Infinite (2021)
This movie was so bad, I was shocked Angelina Jolie wasn't in it.
It was 4 parts, "Wanted", trying to be 8 parts "Inception" while being only 1/100th as intelligent as "Tenet".
Monday (2020)
I couldn't suspend disbelief enough to buy him hooking up with her
Her character was so unappealing in every way, there's no way he could be desperate enough to hook up with her, much less fall in love with her. She was mean, pointless and unattractive and even as lost in Peter Pan syndrome as he was, I still couldn't believe he'd sink that low.
The closest metaphor for her character's whole personality and demeanor is fingernails scratching down a chalkboard for the entire length of the film.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Spaghetti western era Clint Eastwood should sue for his share of the royalties
Mando's whole character is plagiarized from Eastwood's spaghetti western persona right down to his vocal inflections. His gunfighting style, poncho-inspired cloak, his swagger, sense of humor and his bounty hunter occupation...virtually everything about his character wouldn't exist without Sergio Leone's Man with No Name.
Perhaps Favreau was simply trying to combine two of his favorite film serials (Star Wars and The Man with No Name) into one. It works, but is it an homage or plagiarism?
The Holiday (2006)
Great breakup/loss-coping movie that's aging very gracefully
I'd watched this film several times over the years - usually around Christmas - and always enjoyed it. Nancy Meyers usually makes amusing, nicely-written and well-directed, character-driven films with contemporary adult dialog and this one is certainly no exception. The stories of the two couples move smoothly in parallel with one another in this tightly written and well-acted movie and when combined with the very likable and relatable cast of characters, you easily find yourself quickly invested in and rooting for all of the protagonists.
But, it wasn't until this past week when I lost my best friend of the past 12 years that I learned how nice this film is as a coping tool. I was looking for a diversion to keep my mind off an unpleasant reality and since movies have always offered us that sort of escape, a movie playing in the background of my day seemed like the best solution. This one immediately came to mind since Christmas was only a month ago and the story lines are all about loss and, more importantly recovery - but with a lighter, comedic touch. The music and score are also really enjoyable since the blend of classic Christmas songs and Hans Zimmer's original instrumentals perfectly compliment the mood and promote the flow and transitions of the films many enjoyable scenes.
I've had the movie playing on a continuous loop in my living room while I've attempted to work and keep my mind from turning to darker thoughts in the study. I've often moved into the other room when my favorite scenes are about to be shown and nearly as often found myself staying far longer than intended. It's probably looped more than two dozen times by now (it's actually playing right now) and I have to admit being surprised that I've not become tired of the repetition. It's a rare film that is part 2006-modern rom-com and part homage to early Hollywood romantic comedies staring actors like Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. It manages to be smart and adult without being heavy-handed as it approaches the themes of relationship endings and new beginnings. The target audience seems to be people around the same ages as the main characters (mostly mid 30's), but it also manages to appeal to younger audiences as well even though it doesn't resort to raunchy, risque or crude jokes or sight gags like rom-coms from directors like Judd Apatow and so many others like him in the genre today.
The year after this film was released, I watched it with my friend when she and I were a couple - I never imagined I'd be watching/listening to it as a way to keep my spirits up while slowly grieving her loss, but it has honestly been a welcome and effective diversion. The playful romantic banter, onscreen chemistry and genuinely fun soundtrack and score combine with quite a few pleasant past associations with the film to help me feel less alone and sad.
If this film can help ease the mind of someone who's just lost their best friend, imagine how entertaining it would be if the most pressing matter on your mind is what movie to watch to entertain yourself after dinner.
The Big Short (2015)
Insultingly condescending
Insultingly condescending.
It's like finance 101 for preschoolersÂ…full of cut aways where some random celebrity holds your hand and spoon feeds you very basic finance concepts like you're an idiot.
The writers seem to think the audience is COMPLETELY financially ignorant and uneducated and as a result they spend most of the film repeating the same simple concepts.
Why they assume everyone watching is an idiot is beyond me and the whole concept of the film is insulting to anyone with even a cursory knowledge of finance.
Really pointless film.
Wild (2014)
I can't imagine hiking the PCT...
would be any more arduous than sitting through this meandering tale of a totally ill-prepared (for a long hike or for life in general) train-wreak of a woman's journey from "lost to found". I recall having less of a bad taste in my mouth after completing the book than I had after the film, but neither Cheryl's life nor her hike warrants the existence of either. There's no moral lesson to be learned here - you don't get to take an ill-considered 1,000 mile walk/hitchhike and wash away all the injustices you've perpetrated upon those who were unfortunate enough to have loved you - don't get to just decide your forgiven and redeemed because you were amazingly lucky and somehow avoiding dying of thirst or exhaustion in the desert.
It's just another self-absorbed, self-pitying rationalization fest in the guise of a pseudo-feminist manifesto. It's pretty sad that there are so few positive female protagonist in films that women are forced to rally around this poor excuse for one.