Change Your Image
PhilG92
Reviews
Three Eyes Wide Shut (2001)
Three Thumbs Wide Down
"Recorded with a frame rate of 30-gaffs-per-second, rookie director Louis Stevens churns out an insultingly clunky movie that would send an entire caravan of three-eyed aliens to the exits."
--- Artie Ryan, Interim Entertainment Beat, Wombat Report
FULL REVIEW:
When Ren Stevens asked me to write movie reviews in Ruby Mandel's stead, I was admittedly excited! Having torn my rotator cuff in last year's Shot Put finals, I needed something to fill the Wexler-sized hole in my heart (and schedule). So, with an open mind, two eyes, and a big bucket of popcorn, I dove in head first with the re-release of Louis Stevens' romantic comedy, "Three Eyes Wide Shut."
"Eyes Wide" has a couple things going for it. One, it is the film debut of Tawny Dean ("A Long Wait for Freedom") and Alan Twitty ("Sacramento Girl"). Perhaps more noteworthy, though, is that world-renowned rockumentary filmmaker Thomas Gribalski served as Louis Stevens' production assistant! Unfortunately, not even he could save this sinking spaceship.
The first thing you notice is the budget. Recorded on a JC Penny camcorder with a frame rate of 30-gaffs-per-second, the film's rookie director Louis Stevens churns out an insultingly clunky movie that would send an entire caravan of three-eyed aliens to the exits. Look, it's understandable that a teenager would not have the resources to record on, say, 35 mm film. However, it's not as easy to forgive the sound of lawn-mowers in the background. There are several continuity errors, most noticeably the absence of the film's stars towards the end of the picture. Stevens himself is clearly playing both roles during the climax. Does he take the audience for fools? Maybe these gaffs are an effort to distract us from the fact that this radio-active piece of space garbage is only 45 seconds long. But I digress.
Louis has a bright future. This is a young man who rigged a stuffed squirrel to fly for crying out loud! It would behoove Louis to gravitate towards areas he can thrive and leave directing to the big dogs.
Three Thumbs Wide Down. Save your money.
By the Way, when Ruby returns I will be writing my own column; Artie Ryan and My Funky Takes. Promotional material is available on my website, if you want some.