terrorfirmer-ie Reviews

Y'ur Height Only (1981)

Absolute masterclass in terrible film-making

[10/10 · 25 June 2022]

If you like movies that are so bad they're good, this is your Citizen Kane.

Insanely quotable, every scene is a treasure.

One of the rare times that a 10/10 cannot do justice.

Almost 20 years later and me and my friends still randomly quote it in regular conversation.

"You're petite, like a potato"

"You'll talk, or YOU WILL EAT LEAD"

11/10 waiting for a 4k blu-ray remaster.

Halo (2022– )

Decent but rough start

[6/10 · 9 April 2022]

As of writing this, there's been 3 episodes. Yeah, it's gone a different direction from the games but I expected that and for what it is, it's decent.

Pablo does a good job as Master Chief, can't fault him really. Cortana is great, they really got that right...at least so far. Cast in general is decent, and the visual faithfulness is commendable even if the story's so-so.

What I do have trouble with, is how bad the CGI, sound design and direction is in the first half of the first episode.

I am not sure what went on there but it looks like a TV show from the early 2000's, bad CGI, low-grade action choreography and direction, sound design poor, so on.

This problem is not replicated at all in episodes 2 and 3, or even the second half of the very first episode really, so I am not sure what happened.

I've read this is a $200m TV show. The first episode looks more like a web series from 10 years ago. The following two episodes are far higher quality, but it's a serious error putting out that sub-standard content in your pilot episode that's supposed to hook people.

Overall so far I'm enjoying it. Is it what it should and could be, no, but it's fun so far.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Ambition vastly exceeded the low budget

[6/10 · 10 December 2021]

Not as bad as I expected and way more faithful to the games than any of the previous movies.

Budget though was just way too small for the scale and ambition of the narrative.

Looks cheap at times, bad effects, weak zombie scenes. Characters very underdeveloped but a few are decent.

Big one for me, is that it utterly completely fails to portray Raccoon City as a real, living town.

More like a bunch of people wandering around a few deserted buildings with the odd zombie thrown in.

Still somewhat entertaining and fun, not as bad as any of the Anderson movies post Extinction.

As faithful as we've gotten to date, but the budget is just not there to realise the ambition.

American Horror Story: The Future Perfect (2021) Season 10, Episode 10

I've never seen such an astounding inability to write an ending

[2/10 · 4 November 2021]

First part of this season was great....until the rushed, generic, painfully lazy finale that felt like they had no idea how to end what they started and opted for the easiest way out imaginable.

I was so confused and disappointed; how could something be so good and then abruptly fall off a cliff edge in quality?

Second part was compelling at first but at it went on I started to get the same impression that it was headed the same way as the first half, and at a much faster gallop as well.

Cue the finale.....just wretchedly, almost offensively, bad, completely squanders any sliver of good will, mystery and intrigue established in the lead up.

While the show has generally been hit and miss, S10 definitely makes a new low point by a wide margin for me. They almost had something going with the first half until that horrible, abrupt ending.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

Very under-rated slice of cheesy horror

[8/10 · 22 October 2021]

Surprised at all the bad reviews.

I thought it was a great slice of cheesy, schlocky horror, Twilight Zone meets a campy b-movie creature-feature set in WW2.

Also didn't think the production values or CGI were anywhere near as bad as people make out.

Maybe not for everyone, but I enjoyed it a lot.

Scary Movie V (2013)

Not quite as bad as the rating suggested

[5/10 · 17 October 2021]

I wouldn't argue this isn't the weakest of all 5 movies or that it's a good movie, but it's not downright awful if you enjoy the others.

There was enough laughs and decent scenes that I felt it was worth watching even if there's a lot of misses as well.

Ashley Tisdale does a decent job replacing Anna Faris but the film definitely missed having the Brenda + Cindy duo in that Black Swan sub-plot.

I'd say 5/10 for the inconsistent laughs, but they're not entirely absent despite a fair few scenes that fall completely flat.

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

Total mess as a result of studio interference

[3/10 · 1 October 2021]

I enjoy the original 2 Hellraiser movies a lot, and Hell on Earth is somewhat of a guilty pleasure despite being a serious decline in quality.

But Bloodline is just a total muddled, disjointed mess due to extreme studio interference that has virtually nothing going for it.

Due to the availability of leaked workprints, we now have a fairly good rough cut of what the film was supposed to be like, using workprints and original footage.

It's much longer, and is 100% more cohesive and narratively makes a lot more sense, and features some super cool practical effects, and differences in some existing key scenes, that were abandoned.

It seems the studio thought horror fans are braindead and care nothing about plot or structure as long as there's plenty of gore.

The end result is just that - a dismal film that offers absolutely nothing apart from some OK effects, but even then it's nothing as good as in Hellraiser or Hellraiser 2.

It's especially infuriating when we know there was a far, far superior version of the film that existed before the studio cut it to ribbons.

Boys from County Hell (2020)

Tremendously good Irish horror

[9/10 · 26 September 2021]

I absolutely loved this movie - but mostly because it's just so incredibly Irish, I'm not sure a lot of it would translate exactly overseas.

At the core, it's a great spin on a classic tale, a perfect example of how simple film-making can be hugely effective.

For me it's the "Intermission" of the horror genre. A fine movie that can be universally appreciated but is most definitely appreciated most of all by Irish people themselves who can appreciate each and every line of dialogue.

Gotta commend the film-makers on this one. Mission accomplished. Loved it.

Bullets of Justice (2019)

Absolute genre masterpiece

[10/10 · 20 March 2021]

Don't know here to start with this. I want to keep it brief and spoiler free, but if you're a fan of so-bad-its-good style movies, this is up there with movies like Leprechaun in Space, Toxic Avenger IV, or TV shows like Danger 5.

Bullets of Justice isn't truly a so-bad-its-good movie in the sense that it embraces the silliness from the first second of run-time, really it's more a tremendous labor of love that plays homage to the sort of genre I mentioned above.

The hilarity comes from how absurdly straight-laced and excessive it is despite the utterly ridiculous premise.

Also, considering the low budget, it's actually incredibly well shot and the direction is excellent with some really creative and inventive action scenes.

I'm so, so glad movies like this exist. Please watch this movie via legal means or purchase it, so they can continue to be made.

One of my favorite movies I've seen this year.

Outside the Wire (2021)

It's like they ran out of money half way through

[5/10 · 20 January 2021]

The first half of the movie is fairly promising, with some nice design, interesting characters, decent action scenes and solid enough CGI.

Yeah, there are a few plot absurdities but nothing that would be a major barrier to solid popcorn entertainment.

Unfortunately it's like they shot the movie chronologically, and ran out of mney after a a particularly big action scene featuring loads of rival robots having a shoot out.

After that point, it suddenly incredibly boring, predictable, cliche and has a nonsensical plot that is riddled with holes and logic-defying actions/behaviors, just to get to the finish line as quickly as possible.

It limps to the finale in the stalest possible way, and fizzles out with a total whimper, leaving zero impression whatsoever.

Overall - some OK action scenes and CGI, definitely watchable, but falls apart at the seams in the third act.... not one I would recommend.

Bordello of Blood (1996)

Just....wow

[10/10 · 21 November 2020]

This review will be brief. Mostly because this is utter b-movie perfection.

Sure, it has the gore and the nudity, but the script is absolutely golden.

Grab some beers, sit back, and prepare for the ultimate guilty pleasure.

Possessor (2020)

Amazing film - be warned, Amazon version is censored

[9/10 · 9 November 2020]

I thought Brandon's first movie, Anti-viral, was interesting but a little flat. This is much better, a truly brutal and dread inducing nasty ride through a disturbing world.

Highly recommended. Best viewed knowing as little about it as possible.

Also, would highly recommend finding the 'real' copy of the movie. The version on Amazon isn't the original and some of the nudity and the worst of the violence is removed.

It's still very violent, but most of the missing graphic scenes are actually contextually important, it's not really like something like Hostel or Saw where it wouldn't really make any difference on your perception of the film or the story.

I was incredibly disappointed to have seen the edited version first, and then the original, which is how the director intended for it to be seen.

I can understood to a degree the nudity being removed as what's altered is some very explicit material, but I thought we were past the days of censoring violence.

The difference is quite noticeable and without going into spoiler territory the original is far more effective to the narrative.

Calm with Horses (2019)

A truly excellent film

[9/10 · 8 November 2020]

Thought this was a really excellent, lean movie. A perfect example of how small money can go a long way.

People down-rating it because it's not an action movie with drug deals and murders every 5 minutes is ridiculous.

It's an excellent character drama with a crime backdrop. Beautifully shot, well acted. Indisputably the best Irish film I've seen in quite some time.

Absolutely love Niamh Algar, and Cosmo Jarvis as Arm is just incredible.

The New Mutants (2020)

How an earth did this cost $80m?

[2/10 · 8 November 2020]

I just watched this and my overwhelmingly initial reaction was "how the hell did this cost $80 million?"

Everything - from the quality of the acting, to the way it's shot and the CGI - looks like a TV pilot.

I mean 80% of the movie takes place in rooms and corridors. The acting is mostly god-awful, like stilted South American soap opera style in the case of the main character.

She is unspeakably awful, how she got the starring role in a major blockbuster.....

The guy from Stranger Things is the only actor that put in a decent turn.

Anna Taylor Joy alternates between sounding like Stalin and a high-school cheerleader depending on how bothered she seems to be in any particular scene.

Maisie Williams looks like she dressed up as Deirdre Barlow for Halloween.

I cannot understand how they spent so much money, or on what exactly. It's actually baffling.

The movie is just terrible. Like something you would have seen 20 years ago direct-to-DVD on the bottom shelf in Blockbuster.

Between Worlds (2018)

This is Nicolas Cage's "The Room"

[10/10 · 25 October 2020]

Honestly can't believe all the bad reviews who took this film at face value, when it's clearly fully intended to be a "so bad its good" movie from the outset.

Don't get me wrong - Nic Cage has made some utterly dreadful movies the past few years, that are just devoid of any redeeming quality, but this is quite different.

Nicolas Cage has so much meme-tastic dialogue it's incredible, you can almost imagine him on the cusp of breaking character and just laughing most of the time.

At one point he's banging his dead-wife-in-his-new-girlfriends-daughters-body while quoting erotica from....'Memoirs, by Nicolas Cage'.

Seriously.

Trust me, this is an absolute blast for people who love movies so terrible they're good - but any avid fan of these movies will recognise that this movie was always intended to be that from the start.

As someone who hates bad movies as much as the next person, but loves so bad they're good movies - think The Room, Leprechaun in Space, Sharknado - this is a fantastic addition to the collection.

Look Away (2018)

Better than reviews suggest

[7/10 · 22 October 2020]

I watched this on Netflix expecting a generic, teen-jump-scare type cliche movie - which sometimes is perfectly fine, and what I was in the mood for.

This....is something different though. It's a lot darker and more sinister than I expected, and really unsettling in parts.

Also cannot believe the actress was almost mid 20's when this was filmed. She easily passes for about 15/16 and there is explicit nudity which made me feel deeply uncomfortable, though in one particular full frontal scene is it relevant to the story and drives the feeling of dread and discomfort.

It's still not a great movie, but it's very different than what you would expect, and a hell of a lot darker. It's not perfect, but it's a bit different, quite unsettling, with good performances.

Deserves far more than the 17% it has on Rotten Tomatoes. I really enjoyed it.

Relic (2020)

Incredible, haunting movie - a stunning debut

[9/10 · 22 October 2020]

Firstly, just to address all the 1 star reviews. I fully accept that people like different things, and I have no problem with those who don't like the style, direction of pace of the movie. "Horror" means something very different to different people.

However, a lot of these reviews claim the movie is nonsensical with a completely random ending, that nothing happens, and similar statements.

None of this is true - even if you don't like the film as a whole - if you actually think about the plot and ending in the context of what the movie is really about, it does make sense. In a really disturbing way.

Now, the movie itself - just amazing, an expertly crafted slow burn that really gets under your skin and lingers long after the movie has ended. I'm not going to say much about it as it's best watched blind and I don't want to give any spoilers, even mild ones.

But it is one of my favorite horrors of recent years now alongside Hereditary and Midsommar. Again, those types of movies aren't for all horror fans, so there is a good chance that if you disliked those movies, this one won't fully work for you either.

But really, giving it 1/10 is just incredibly unfair. I completely respect the reasoned 4/10, 5/10, reviews, and appreciate different tastes.

But 1/10 is wrong. There are plenty of films I don't "get" even within the horror genre that are immensely popular, but I wouldn't consider them 1/10 simply because they didn't gel with me.

Pursuit (I) (2015)

Cast too good for this disaster of a movie

[2/10 · 14 October 2020]

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with the premise. A modern take on a mythical tale.

However literally everything is wrong with the movie. The script is just so unbelievably bad that it beggars belief and the direction is horrible.

To be fair the cast aren't too bad and do what they can with what they're given, but it's just not enough.

Brendan Gleeson, Barry Ward, Ruth Bradley - all incredibly decent actors and all far too good for this movie.

The Painted Bird (2019)

Solid film but a little too exploitative even in context of subject matter

[7/10 · 16 September 2020]

This is a wonderfully made film, visually arresting and very well acted - don't be concerned by the near 3 hour run-time, it does pass well.

My real problem with the film is that it seems overly fixated on subjecting the protagonist to as many depraved, inhumane people and situations as possible within the generous run-time.

Some of it is perfectly fine, entirely credible in the context of the film - of course, this is Eastern Europe during WW2, a time and place where Jews were generally loathed, and historically speaking, local populations did play a huge role in the expulsion and murder of Jews in some of these countries.

So certainly a good portion of it is entirely credible.

But all of this happening to one titular character, who encounters nothing but either sadistic, depraved people or environments, repeatedly, over, and over again, even independent of the Jewish aspect being a factor....it just struck me as a little too on the side of opportunistic exploitation.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good film and a good watch, but I feel it was just too over-done in the end and tries to hammer home a message that war, conflict and persecution are hell, rather than just let us arrive at the conclusion ourselves.

The Vast of Night (2019)

Quite a good film - lean but compelling

[7/10 · 7 August 2020]

I found this quite a compelling film that was extremely well made considering the very low budget.

The acting is good, the cinematography is really excellent, the whole production feels authentic and at no point gives the impression of being a cheap movie.

However, it is a slow film by deliberate design, more of an homage to the UFO and unexplained phenomena of the era - this is small scale happenings in a small town, driven almost entirely by dialogue.

It's quite like an extended episode of The Twilight Zone. Very low-key, grounded, with no real "action" - I feel some people were perhaps expecting something a little different.

Personally, I found it really compelling once things start happening, though the first 20 odd minutes are perhaps unnecessarily long as a scene-setter.

I would also complain that for those first 20 minutes, it was genuinely difficult at times to hear what the characters were even saying - fast, muffled, speaking.

Overall though I really enjoyed it. Well made, compelling, intriguing, unnerving at times, as the characters/we contemplate the existence and nature of the unknown.

The Witcher (2019– )

Feel like I was watching a different show than everyone else.

[5/10 · 28 July 2020]

This me truly baffles me - 8/10 on IMDB, universal praise, I was so unbelievably excited to watch this.

The first episode was not too bad, I was underwhelmed but it was OK....unfortunately, I found it went completely downhill after that.

I thought it was cheap looking, cliche, confusing, with weak writing and boring characters that I really couldn't warm to, and entire episodes that were literally like watching Hercules Legendary Journeys in the 1990's.

Henry Cavill is really good though, but that's the only thing I found "above average" about the season.

Not terrible to be honest, just don't get the insanely high reviews and comparisons with Game of Thrones.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

Extremely disappointing

[3/10 · 21 June 2020]

I found this a bit of a mess - it's like several different directors of varying talent shot scenes independently and stitched them together.

There are some good moments, but I found them drowned out somewhat by the weaker ones of which there are many....and which I'm struggling to understand how they came about, exactly, Spike Lee is better than this.

That first combat scene was just awful - terrible CGI, horrible action choreography, a completely random and out of place musical score, total whiff of a video game off it..... it just looked like something out of a straight to DVD movie from the early 2000's.

Like, what happened there? There are other action scenes shot 10x better that have more weight to them. It's just this film all over - half baked with no consistency.

I'm not saying it's a waste of time, but it's not a good movie and I really expected better quality from Spike Lee, this is just really sloppy.

For All Mankind (2019– )

Excellent show based on an intriguing premise

[9/10 · 7 May 2020]

I'm a sucker for historical shows, as well as shows that explore areas largely untouched in the world of television - this does both really well. It's a historical 'what if', but a very grounded one and the great unknown of this alternative world that could so easily have come to pass is incredibly compelling.

Really good characters and great acting too from all the main players.

I couldn't figure out why Karen Baldwin was so absurdly familiar but I wasn't familiar with her name at all, then at one point she says to Wayne "you don't need to thank me" it clicked straight away - she's Wraith in Apex Legends. Once it dawned on me, I couldn't hear anything but Wraith.

Anyway, a great show. I'm delighted there's a S2 approved.

Gangs of London (2020– )

Massively entertaining but has problems

[6/10 · 1 May 2020]

I can't deny the show is massively entertaining with some great characters and really amazing action scenes. I enjoyed it.

My big problem with the show is how ludicriously far-fetched it is after the first few episodes, it was almost veering into fantasy territory! I definitely expected something a little more grounded or at least semi-realistic, but it's not at all once you get past the first episode or two.

I also think Joe Cole was wrong for the part, I didn't ever get a real sense of volatility or menance from him at all....just didn't work for me. Cast is generally fairly good though.

There are some amazing action scenes mid-season that never sort of appear again, I was disapppointed with the downward slide towards the end in this regard. But what's in there is really, really good. Real punch to it.

If you love over the top, action packed TV shows with hyper violence, this one fits the bill pretty well, but it's not really intelligent or smart TV - more a popcorn show.

A lot of people calling it the most violent thing they have ever seen, which seems a bit OTT to me - it is most definitely violent, but no more so than the likes of Game of Thrones or Banshee, or Boardwalk Empire.

In fact I think because it's so ludicriously OTT, the violence doesn't even connect as much as it did in say, Boardwalk Empire.

Nightmare Cinema (2018)

Disappointing, but one major stand-out

[5/10 · 1 May 2020]

Found this disappointing, out of the 5 segments, only two are good, and only one is truly great.

The other 3 I found extremely sub-par, lazy writing and just generally uninspired. One is slasher bit with a twist, one is about religion, another is about death and afterlife....none of these 3 were very good.

I did very much like the one where the woman goes to get her facial scar removed - this was the second short film and was a really cool sort of old school 'body horror' piece.

And I absolutely LOVED the black and white fourth segment, it was actually superb and very like something you would see in Black Mirror. It's dark, unsettling, creepy, compelling, with superb acting.

That segment is completely in a league of its own and I would almost say is kinda too good considering the rest of the movie isn't of similar quality. I would have easily watched an hour or even feature length of it.

Overall this collection is worth a watch considering 2 out of the 5 segments are quite good.