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Cats (2019)
1/10
Not just bad
8 February 2020
I feel like just saying this movie was bad is not giving it enough credit.

Yes this movie was bad, it was awful. But honestly it was so awful that it turned into a ridiculous almost dream-like experience. For a while I was convinced that we had been duped, it was just a joke, that it was impossible for this movie to actually have been made. I couldn't believe that it cost $70 million to make this below amateur schlock. But it was real. It was real and it was shocking.

Like if not for the bad story telling, lack of plot, and seemingly never ending pointless musical numbers, the craftmanship was just not good. It looked rushed and just thrown in there or at the very least unfinished. The actors CGI feet seemed to be floating throughout most of the film. Splotchy green screen rendering left bodies looking comically pixelated around the edges. There was even a scene in which an actor's pants looked completely detached from their body, I'm talking full on blob void between body and clothes. Their faces were just floating on the bodies, almost zero practical effects, just highlighting each and every mistake in disproportionate glory.

But back to the bad storytelling. So I went with a group of 4 other friends because we were interested in seeing if it was really as bad as everyone said it was (spoiler alert: its worse). And now we have this running joke that the entire movies plot was either 1. You have to bow to cats when you see them, or 2. Cats are NOT dogs. Because those are literally the only lines in the entire movie that convey any sort of message that isn't a seemingly improvised dance and song or confusing dialogue about whatever the heck a Jelical is.

Just trying to list all the errors in this movie is giving me a headache because there are so many, so I'm just gonna stop trying.

I'm not going to tell you to not watch the movie or that I didn't enjoy seeing it. Because i had a great time, but not because i enjoyed the movie itself, more I enjoyed making fun of it with my friends, who were uncontrollably laughing to the point of tears and some old lady yelling at us about how we "ruined the movie" (yeah no that actually happened) but so was most of the theater, almost everyone was giggling at some point. Anyways long story short: if you want to see a good movie this might not be for you. But if you want a comically (or painfully) bad movie to just laugh at, I'd definitely reccomend it.
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Slender Man (I) (2018)
4/10
Met expectations
30 August 2018
As a fan of the original creepypasta Slenderman stories I was pleasantly surprised and glad on how they went about portraying certain aspects of Slenderman. Though this movie met my expectations, they were not very high in the first place. On the other hand it is definitely the best Slenderman full length movie adaptation I've seen and I was very happy that they kept it as close to the creepypasta as they did. That being said, the main story itself was not too incredible, nor horrible for that matter. Although this movie wasn't absolutely amazing, they definitely could've done much, much worse.
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6/10
This movie is so sad but so good!
18 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I can honestly say that "A Dogs Purpose" is one of the best child- friendly(ish) movies that I have ever watched. The reason I say it is child-friendly(ish) and not just child friendly is because this movie is nearly impossible for any dog-lover to watch without at least shedding a tear. I personally bawled my eyes out numerous times during the movie. Although the movie has many tragic scenes, the cast and crew did an amazing job at depicting the story in a way that could easily comfort a child when they experience the death of a beloved pet. I had high hopes for this movie when I saw the previews and nearly cried at that. I am happy to say that I am not disappointed with this movie. I love this movie so much!!!!
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Zoombies (2016)
1/10
Cheap, low quality amateur effects.
10 June 2016
I usually love low budget B-list movies but this was too much. The special effects were so bad it was comical. I feel like a middle school movie making class class would have done a much more professional job with the special effects. The animals look like cartoon characters and when the people are riding the animals they look like there were pictures of the characters copied and pasted on top of the animals. This movie seemed like a really good idea but I believe the animators could have worked a little longer or used better software or something to make the animals and the special effects at least halfway convincing or just make the whole thing a cartoon, because the mix of real people and cartoon is very annoying.
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