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Preservation (2014)
Preserve your time - don't watch this mess
I really hated this movie. The basic plot is that a husband and wife go on a hunting trip with the husband's brother. They enter a nature preserve that is closed. They hunt the first day and even manage to kill a deer. This has very little to do with the plot, but I tell you this because this would suggest the trio is deep in the woods. After some weak attempts at character development around the campfire, the couple go to sleep in their tent. The brother sleeps outside. They wake up the next morning with X's drawn on their foreheads, and, somehow, the tent the couple was sleeping in has disappeared from around them. It turns out that three teenage boys who have been desensitized to violence by video games are hunting them for fun. Suddenly, the deep woods begins to look more like a city park somewhere in Southern California. There are port-a-potties, a jungle gym, and dumpsters. The two men are killed. Despite there being a road that the boys use to ride their bikes around chasing the victims and trails everywhere, the woman decides to scale a 75 foot high cliff to get away. When she gets to the top, the boys are there on their bikes. She basically just burned a lot of calories climbing a cliff when she could have taken the road. A chase ensues before the woman gets all MacGyver/Rambo on them and has her revenge. The best part of the movie was watching the credits roll because I finally knew it was over.
Saving Christmas (2014)
Ho Ho No!
I have never been religious. In fact, the only times I ever step in a church are for weddings and while on vacation in Europe. So, I did not go into Saving Christmas with much of an open mind. But I gave it a chance. A small chance. It was about the time when St. Nick commits murder that I turned it off. Just stay away from this movie. The acting is bad. The only people who might like this movie are death row prisoners on their day of execution, because Saving Christmas makes an hour feel like an eternity. Like I said, I am not the kind of person this movie was made for. But I'm certain that even if I believed in Jesus and what-not, I would still find this movie awful. Kirk Cameron should be ashamed and embarrassed, but he is not, which makes him guilty of the sin of pride.
The Interview (2014)
A classic for very different reasons
Some movies are classics because they are just flat out good. Think of The Godfather or Raging Bull. Others are classics because they broke new ground, for example The Wizard of Oz and Star Wars. But some, like The Interview, are bound to be classics because of things that have nothing to do with the movie itself. But all the geopolitical nonsense aside, The Interview is a pretty funny movie. Had the man with the tiniest penis in the world not threatened to destroy America over this movie, it would likely have faded away from theaters after a few weeks, leaving only a few catch phrases for teenage boys in its wake. But now it is so much bigger than itself. Everyone should see this movie just to remind themselves that even silly satire is worthy of uncensored screening. Eminem also has a funny cameo that, alone, is worth the price of admission or VOD.
Blutgletscher (2013)
This movie worst thing to come out of Germany in the last 70 years.
Simply put, this movie is bad. It's not even so bad it's good. It certainly does not help that the English version was dubbed from German by uninspired voice actors. The dialog is embarrassingly awful with such gems as "stop eating that banana while you are crying!" The special effects are worse than those in a SyFy Channel movie. Random characters appear out of nowhere, such as a young woman who looks like she just left a rave running down a 12,000 foot high mountain. The plot makes very little sense. I am still trying to figure out what the Minister was a minister of. She was some sort of government official who required an armed body guard. But her exact role or importance in the government is a mystery. And while she is no spring chicken herself, she has no problem telling an older man that he is too old to help out. The movie also has an abortion subplot that is thrown in only to accomplish a silly plot twist. I am a huge fan of mindless scary movies. Blood Glacier did not satisfy.