arfdawg-1 Reviews

Civil War (2024)

I was Bored Out of My Mind

[1/10 · 2 June 2024]

How did this movie get such great reviews? It actually sucks. It will bore the life out of you.

Yes, it looks good and yes the acting is good.

But the writing and story line is idiotic. California and Texas have somehow banded together to leave the union. Does THAT make sense? Of course not.

And all the fighting takes place in NYC and other points East. Huh? Disconnect central for those of use who aren't stoned.

Then there's the photo journalists. What newspapers or internet is still working? Plus, this crew is using cameras with FILM!!!! Who does that since the 90's? And why don't they run out of film since each cartridge only holds 36 photos.

And there is zero character development. This crew exactly is the same when it ends as it started.

It's a completely moronic movie that I hated.

The Gentlemen (2024)

Seven Great Episodes.....

[9/10 · 31 May 2024]

The is really a well done series. Interesting story-line that stays interesting episode after episode.

The characters are really compelling and keep your interest. Great directions. Great script writing. Every one of seven episodes is like a full length motion picture in it's quality and entertainment value.

I couldn't wait to view each episode . Apparently this is based off some movie or is the movie based of this? Doesn't matter, Guy Ritchie did A super great job creating a spectacularly great mini-series.

Now the down side -- the last episode is a bit of a dud which is why I said there were seven great episodes, not eight. Yes, it ties everything together, but is was a bit disappointing to me.

Kokomo City (2023)

What a Bore

[1/10 · 30 May 2024]

The movie purports to profile some trans sex workers and their trials and tribulations. What it succeeds to do is put the watcher to sleep.

The told stories are clearly manufactured in that they make no sense whatsoever. One of the girls gives her name (first and last) and then says she doesn't want to give her middle name! Ooooo! That's a BIG secret. NOT.

It's ridiculous and you have to sit through this poor excuse for a documentary for an hour and twelve minutes.

The third girl says she worked at a "very famous" restaurant before she got into sex work. I never heard of the place.

Each conversation -- which is rendered annoying by the director finding it necessary to re-enact scenes with really bad actors.

It doesn't take long to figure out the problems these girls have are in their heads and the chips are totally on their own shoulders.

KillHer (2022)

Bringing Boredom to Your Home Screen

[1/10 · 30 May 2024]

Wow, this was one horrible movie.

The story-line is as old as Ling Tut. Secluded camp, a bunch of young kids, yada yada yada....

Phony jump scares up the yazoo.

A ridiculously pathetic, derivative script that will bore you to shreds and grade Z direction.

The acting is juvie level. Like 10th grade.

But the biggest problem is you've seen this all before. Like a zillion times. There is nothing new, nothing to wrap your head around and nothing original.

The non-hot girls wear padded bras and even tho they take them off, you see nothing. More disappointment. Although I suspect we'd be disappointed either way.

Cyclops (1987)

54 Minutes?

[3/10 · 29 May 2024]

Can't imagine this playing alone in a movie theatre with a running time of 54 minutes! It's an interesting movie with an interesting premise. Wondering f it was paired with something.

Interesting to see how styles have changed in Japan in the past 40 years. Not so much the men, but the women definitely.

The movie is called "Cyclops," but the title character isn't really a cyclops, in the sense of having one eye in the middle of his head. You can see he has two separate eyebrows.

Yes, he tales off the sunglasses but I have no idea what I saw except bad special effects. I get the feeling people only watch this movie for the ending in the elevator, but it's a bad payoff, even with the short running length.

The Fall Guy (2024)

Downright Horrible

[2/10 · 26 May 2024]

OMG! This film gets a 7.1 rating here? REALLY? It's quite simply horrible.

First of all there is no real plot. And the plot that kicks in is the thinnest you'll ever see adn takes 40 minutes to get to!!!! The rest of the movie is Gossling pretending to be a stuntman for the star of the movie, while his real stunt man does all the stunts.

I cannot over-emphasize how totally bored I was. They couldnt even get the accents right. The movie is done on Australia but everyone has British accents.

I am totally confounded by the high rating unless the watchers hadnt seen the unicorn yet. No other explanation.

Bill Maher: The Decider (2007 TV Special)

Stay Out of Standup, You're not Funny

[1/10 · 25 May 2024]

Maher is perhaps the worst stand up I have ever seen. Never thought he was funny. His Tonight Show appearances are dismal.

Never like Politically Incorrect either. He has 50 writers and can't tell a good joke.

His Club Random podcast, however, is great. I watch that all the time. The format is him getting high -- sometimes so high he doesn't remember what he was talking about -- and pontificating on everything under the sun with his cube-size knowledge base.

This special was just excruciatingly boring. Cheap political jokes anyone can write. For someone who thinks he's so brilliant, you have to wonder why he goes consistently with the cheap shots instead of actually being insightful like George Carlon was.

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

Significantly Worse than Part One, If You Can Imagine It

[1/10 · 24 May 2024]

This movie is pretty much an unwatchable bore-fest.

Slower than dripping molasses. With every "action" scene filmed in even more boring slow motion.

Oh, yeah the actors are good and the movie has a "look" to it, but it's also derivative and steals from every sci fi film ever made. Especially Star Wars, which this movie was supposed to be a part of. Or at least Snyder, who seems to ruin everything he touches thought it would.

It was rejected. Then it was supposed to be a theatrical movie. Nope. Then Netflix got it. There's reason for this -- it sucks.

Boring scenes that have nothing to do with forwarding the plot go on and on just to pad the movie's length. We have to sit through maybe a half hour of people getting carpets as gifts, with each having a story, then ridiculous meaningless dancing and then an idiotic song and as if that's not enough there's an additional segment tacked on where each person has to verbalize some jerky back story that again does nothing for the movie or story-line except to put you to sleep.

It's horrible and Zack Snyder needs to be drummed out of Hollywood. He has no talent.

Corona Depression (2020)

It Didn't Happen

[1/10 · 23 May 2024]

Holy Cow Barman, this one one is bbbaaaaddddd.

The title tells you what it's about, so it was obviously made to cash in on the pandemic. Unfortunately it fails on every level.

Frankly I just put it on to see the lead naked like the poster. She's a lot older than the picture. By like 15 years, and with a HUGE caboose, so I lost interest in that pretty quick.

She spends a lot of time acting neurotic. But none of this is an even remotely good representation of what happened during covid.

We all adapted pretty quick. And our telephones didnt stop working.

And then there's that hand gun. Where did she get it? Why did she have it. Who put money up for this disaster? And BTW, the scene on the poster never happened.

Collide (II) (2022)

Shaky Cam Garbage

[1/10 · 23 May 2024]

Why was this movie ever made? Jim Gaffigan is NOT a serious actor although he is clearly trying for some breakout role.

It didnt work.

Drea was fine even though she looks a little tipsy throughout.

But the movie is a nothing. It's directed with one of those shaky cams that I really dislike. Think Office on sisterhoods. It's a thoroughly annoying way of making a movie. Bet it cold cause a bout with epilepsy or make some people trow up.

Perhaps the movie should come with a trigger warning. "Don;t watch if you throw up easily." Or something like that.

Anyway, it's garbage. Lightweight Garbage..

Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)

Worst Phastasm Ever

[1/10 · 23 May 2024]

How this movie is currently getting even a 5.5 rating defies logic. The movie is downright HORRIBLE.

The makeup and special effects are sup-par. There really is no story. And what IS there is impossible to follow because the film is both poorly written AND poorly directed.

The creatures are laughable and the acting is literally non-existent.

I was bored out of my mind trying to follow this convoluted non-story.

There are far better movies out there to watch so don't bother to waste your time on this garbage. It's dismal at best and one has to wonder why it was ever made. I cannot imagine it ever making any money.

Girls on Film (2023)

Unwatchable

[1/10 · 20 May 2024]

Where do I begin? With the unattractive girl who gets evicted and hooks up with the wrong person? Or the Angela Jolie look-a-like who is the wrong person?

Despite their different looks, their roles are interchangeable because neither one of them can act. Not in the slightest.

But does the ability to act matter when you have no script? Here's an example of this cracker jack writing:

"I used to be a stripper but now so much is online that now all I do is personal appearances.""That's hot."

And then there's the total lack of direction. A monkey could have directed a better movie than this. Really one of the worst movies ever made.

Nightwatch (1994)

Mediocre at Best

[3/10 · 20 May 2024]

Meh.

This isn't an especially good film. I read that there was an American version, but I haven't seen it. And based on this one, I'm not sure I want to.

It's clearly overrated.

The acting and production values are good but the story-line is just poor.

The director never succeeds in creating any tension whatsoever, which would be important in a horror movie of this sort. It's slow. And it's not a slow build. It's just slow and never really takes off.

Further so much of it never rises to the level of suspension of disbelief. Some of the scenes are just dumb. Like why would they put an important key in with the dead bodies when it would have been just as easy to put it in the security office.

In sum, I was sort of bored through most of it.

Hack-O-Lantern (1988 Video)

Weird Grind House

[1/10 · 19 May 2024]

Strange grind-house movie from the end of grind-house '80's.

The acting not so good. The musical score is annoying to end all annoying.

The story-line is filled with so many holes I thought I was watching Swiss cheese unfold.

It actually has the look of the movie Halloween with none of the talent. And looks aren't anything.

The directing is crazy slow. I was nodding out a few times because the action is so slow. This is really less than a "B" movie. It's more like a "D" movie.

To be honest, even though I like grind-house pictures, this one is definitely not worth the watch at all. The nudity was teh only good thing about it.

Ripley (2024)

Freddie is Sting's DAUGHTER

[6/10 · 19 May 2024]

I nearly bailed on this show after the first episode which really sucked. It was too slow for me.

Well in truth, the entire series is slow but the story-line gets better as the episodes unfold.

I still think the show was pumped up with way too much filler and the story could have easily been told in half the episode and it would have been a lot tighter and way more interesting.

Still, it was a decent production.

The weirdest casting was Sting's daughter as Freddie. I don't think it worked well because your focus tends to be on something being wrong with what your seeing instead of what is happening.

Landmine Goes Click (2015)

Nearly 2 Hours of Boredom

[2/10 · 19 May 2024]

This movie is horrible and not for anyone.

The story is downright moronic. It's basically a rape/revenge movie with no action.

Three quarters into the film and nothing happens.

The basic storyline is just ridiculous and the acting is mediocre at best. OK, yes, the girl is hot but it takes forever to get to the point so by then any revenge doesn't matter. You're too bored to care.

There was an easy solution to the action, but it's not taken and you have to ask why? Instead we are submitted to relatively tame PG torture and stupid revenge.

In fact, the revenge is so dumb your head will want to explode.

WTF! (2017)

The Dregs of Motion Picture Making

[1/10 · 16 May 2024]

This has got to be the slowest slasher movie I have ever seen. Starts off with the obligatory jump scare, which tells you these filmmakers have nothing creative in their heads.

Then we are witness to the "acting" which let's us know there is not talent in the movie. The directing is just a bore. The movie drones on and on with nothing happening for what seems like forever.

More than half way through the film and still nothing happens. Then finally there is a shower scene that is so antiseptic you'll fall asleep.

There is simply nothing original or interesting in this movie. It's a bore. And a big one at that.

Warm Nights and Hot Pleasures (1964)

Silly, With Barely any Skin

[2/10 · 15 May 2024]

This is a thoroughly dumb movie with very loud jazzy musical track and third rate acting.

The women are homely babes who have five o'clock shadows in their arm pits!

The segments are all basically the same. Girl goes to casting couch. Girl takes off top. Girl is shot from the neck up. Girls makes out with cigarette smoking letch.

A bit of it is shot silent with that really bad jazz track in the background. There's lots of dancing too, like that's what people did before the sex that you don't get to see.

I've seen a number of Sarno movies and am really not so sure why he has such a following. They are all pretty bad. Stick with Russ Meyer if you want some old style sleaze.

High School (1968)

What a Bore and does the Director have a Perversion?

[1/10 · 13 May 2024]

Holy cow, Batman! This movie is an utter bore.

First of all, everyone knows they are being filmed so the interactions are unreal and unbelievable. They are all on good behavior.

As an example of how dumb this movie is, the principal (at least I think it's the principal) spends about 15 minutes back and forth with a kid telling him he should accept detention for something he did but the kid says he was protecting himself and it's a matter of principle to NOT accept detention.

This back and forth goes on and on for what seems like forever. Who's the adult in the room?

Also there is something very sick about this movie. For some reason, the filmmaker has an odd perversion filming the women's torsos. First it's the attractive Spanish teacher who he films from the belt level of her skirt. But more alarming is the girls gym session where he films the under aged girls like a voyeur hiding in a locker room.

I was sickened.

Funland (1987)

Pretty Bad

[2/10 · 12 May 2024]

This horrible movie stars Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley fame.

It's horrible.

First of all it's slow beyond belief. You cannot imagine how slow it is. Further, it's not interesting. It's hardly a horror movie. More of a character piece on a guy who plays a clown and increasingly loses touch with reality.

Only it's so poorly written and directed it just doesn't work. They even threw in the Humphry Bogart impersonator that made the rounds in the 70' and 80's only they didn't bother to dub in a Bogart voice and the guy playing -- while he LOOKS like him for sure -- does a horrible voice impersonation.

Plus the Bogart alter ego thing was already done in Play It Again, Sam.

Bad Biology (2008)

Not One Of Henny's Best

[2/10 · 10 May 2024]

I was really looking forward to watching this movie and planned some tim eto be alone in a darkened room so could really concentrate on it.

It was a disappointment.

After viewing I honestly don't know if this was a horror movie or a comedy with some horror elements.

Frequently, I thought I was watching a John Waters movie from the 1970's only the production values were so much better.

The acting is horrible and there's lots of over the top screaming that add nothing to the movie.

The girl who plays the lead is hot, but can't act to save her life.

The writing is sub-par and even the directing is chaotic at best.

Sad.

The Filmmaker (I) (2018)

Quite Simply Horrible

[1/10 · 9 May 2024]

I put this on because it got an unheard of 8.1 rating here. After viewing it, I noticed it actually got only ONE written review. And that was a FIVE.

So in other words, all the other votes that bring the rating up to Citizen Kane levels are PHONY. Likely people who worked on this garbage.

I cannot imagine anyone actually even remotely liking this garbage,

It's slow beyond slow.

The acting is literally juvie level. Like 12 year olds putting on a show in the back yard. No Joke.

The writing is ludicrous and the directing......well.....what directing?

The person who made this should never, ever, under any circumstances work again. Ever. Never.

Downrange (2017)

Really Dumb

[2/10 · 9 May 2024]

A bunch of kids go on a ride in a station wagon. Their tire is shot out but they think they just got a flat. So now they begin to change the tire and the "fun" begins.

Only it's just really poorly done.

Real poorly.

There's supposed to be a sniper. OK. Only there is literally no gun shots. They are in a completely open field with nothing around. If there was a rifle being shot there would be gun shot echoes.

Everything about this movie is stupid and unbelievable. The bullets can go through the metal car but are stopped by a dead rotting tree stump! Come on.

Also, why does the sniper wait like 15 minutes to start picking the kids off one by one?

It's not worthy of your time.

Baby Reindeer (2024)

Was This REAL?

[4/10 · 8 May 2024]

This is a weird series. On one hand, if it was fiction, it would deserve a higher score. However, with the producers saying this is fact, it's frankly very hard to believe.

In truth, if it IS fact, I have zero sympathy for the dude. He's a mess and has no talent whatsoever either.

Bur then I read that he changed everything about Martha so she wouldn't recognize that he was writing about her! That doesn't make sense either! Does she live in a hole in the ground?

Everything about this series from the ridiculously over the top stuff that happens to him to ticking every box there is, smells fishy.

I was disappointed.

Spidarlings (2016)

Abject Garbage

[1/10 · 7 May 2024]

It is hard to imagine that anyone on Earth could believe that this movie is even marginally good. It's not. It stinks to high heavens.

The direction is quite simply HORRIBLE. It's disjointed, choppy and just plain amateurish. Not really sure how the director got the OK to helm this train wreck.

The acting is non-existent. Literally. Half the time I had no idea what was going on because the acting was so poor and the writing even poorer.

Not really sure this is actually a Troma movie. Oftentimes they buy the rights to already made bombs and release them on video to make a few bucks off them. And this movie has all the bells and whistles to one of those doosies.