srdikano Reviews

The Regime (2024)

Almost but not quite

[5/10 · 30 March 2024]

There's something special about The Regime. But it never quite finds its footing, it doesn't hit the highs that it could have and it barely sticks the landing.

As a parody that superimposes an absurd character on an otherwise "normal" world, it works alright. It's silly and fun. Kate Winslet does a fantastic job and the rest of the cast are pretty darn solid. Yet there's something about the pacing that fluctuates between intriguing and boring, between the foreboding of exciting events and nothing ever going anywhere, that makes me feel that the story never quite came together all the way back in the writer's room.

Give it a try. There's something there. It's just far from memorable, sadly.

3 Body Problem (2024– )

Trash adaptation by trash writers

[3/10 · 23 March 2024]

How David Benioff and D. B. Weiss continue to get jobs is both fascinating and beyond the pale.

It takes a special kind of mediocrity to be given the unique opportunity to adapt one of the greatest sci-fi books of our generation and reduce it to this quintessential, mindless Hollywood garbage.

Character development? Zero. Western adaptation? Sophomoric, clumsy and cringeworthy. Script? Mundane and uninspired. Pacing? Rushed to no end (you basically get half of the first book in 30 minutes).

Look, there already is a Three-Body Problem TV show. Granted, it's from China, so there are many stylistic differences that aren't going to work for everyone, but it honors the source material, it gives both characters and story time to breathe and room to grow with the audience. It's a little slow and it doesn't have the panache or photography of a Hollywood production, but it's light years better than this.

Do yourself a favor and do not watch this travesty.

Constellation (2024)

A great premise mired by a telenovela

[5/10 · 2 March 2024]

A reality, a no reality, and two realities coexisting at once that disappear or change once observed, somewhat consistent with quantum physics. Exciting stuff... half-buried under a pile of 1980's cheesy soap opera.

The building blocks for a really cool sci-fi show are definitely there. The premise is simple but genuinely intriguing. The acting strong, especially Noomi Rapace and Jonathan Banks, who both do a really good job on this one. But by God the whole thing doesn't come together at all.

The first problem that the show has is that it's boring. And it shouldn't be. But somewhere between the narrative pacing and the direction, the show devolves into a snooze fest of cheap melodrama that completely forgets about why it really exists. I really had to force myself to finish episode 4. It was a chore.

The second problem is Jo Ericsson, the main character. She's intolerable. The actress is solid and does a fine job, but the character is whiny, annoying, tropey and overstays her welcome after the second episode (which, as you can imagine, is a problem for a main character). Despite the challenges that she faces, I was never able to empathize with her. I just wanted her to shut up already.

And the third and final problem that I see is the editing and the layering of the multiple realities. It's a little confusing and unexciting. Again: there's no reason for this to be the case. Shows like Fringe and Counterpart do a great job at providing a solid blueprint for how to give different realities enough breathing room to thrive, to find their own rhythm, to be relatable. Constellation does a poor job at this, sometimes ping-ponging between realities, sometimes being unclear as to which one is which one and sometimes giving almost an entire episode to one reality and zero love to the other. It seems genuinely poorly structured and it makes it very difficult to connect with the core premise of the show.

In short: a legitimately cool premise that was poorly executed. It's not a bad show, but it's sadly also not a very good one either.

Three-Body (2023– )

Really good. Not quite great

[7/10 · 4 February 2024]

Let me start by acknowledging my own biases here: The Three-Body Problem is my favorite sci-fi book (and trilogy) of all time, so I wanted badly for this TV show to be good.

And let me throw in a caveat too: Three-Body is based on a Chinese book, shot by a Chinese production company and acted by Chinese people, so inevitably there are stylistic differences that are going to make this show "feel wrong" for many of us westerners. My love for the book helps me see past that, but I acknowledge that this may not sit entirely right with a number of people outside of Asia.

The Good.

What Three-Body does best is sticking fairly closely to the book. It's a rendition that's pretty true to the source material and that's great, because the book is second to none in the hard sci-fi space. As such, the story is indeed phenomenal and the pacing is also honest to the book.

The mixed bag.

Some actors deliver strong performances (Wang Miao, Shi Quiang, Old Ye Wenjie), while some others are truly below par (Mike Evans and Pan Han are positively woeful). Some of the CGI is really good, and some of it looks pretty darn old. A little heavy on exposition at times. The screenplay felt a little hit-and-miss. And I also feel like while sticking to the source material is good, more of a proper adaptation for screen would have benefited the show.

The bad.

Production values are fairly low on multiple areas, and it really shows. I'm talking about out-of-sync dubbing (from Chinese to Chinese), non-native English speakers in English-speaking roles, some pretty mediocre cinematography at times, poor editing, continuity faux-pas, stuff like that. Of especial note is the cringe-inducing English screenplay, which was clearly written by someone with marginal understanding of the language, and which in turn gives all the international moments a distinct B-movie flavor.

All in all, I think Three-Body does a very competent job at telling an exceptionally exciting story, with an admittedly slow pace that isn't quite for everyone. My hope for the next two seasons is that they invest a little more money and massage the script a little more, get better directors and cinematographers, better audio and better actors for upcoming key roles in the saga.

The Bricklayer (2023)

Who green-lights these movies?

[3/10 · 7 January 2024]

I don't understand who green-lights these movies. Did no one read the script before they started shooting? This is just so freaking mediocre.

Writing: the story is derivative as hell and dumb AF, there is no character development at all, and the dialogue is uncomfortably cringeworthy.

Acting: Aaron Eckhart is a good actor, but in this movie, no one delivers a remotely decent performance. Especially Nina Dobrev, who at least in this film, brings no range whatsoever, no chemistry with the lead actor and a truly amateur performance. The support cast is no better.

Directing: a disjointed and incoherent mess with nothing but a few passable action sequences to pacify the tedium.

I strongly encourage the writers to hang up the gloves. When ChatGPT can do a better job than you do, it's time to look into a different line of work.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

Depressingly bad

[3/10 · 5 January 2024]

They basically remade the original trilogy, but bad. There isn't a single concept in this movie was not directly pulled from episodes IV and V. Check this out:

• Rey, like Luke, is the young main character with exceptional affinity to the force
• Rey, like Luke, is effectively an orphan
• Poe, like Han Solo, is the daring pilot who saves the day
• BB-8, like R2D2, is the adorable mechanical sidekick
• Kylo Ren not only plays the role of Darth Vader, but he looks just like him
• Snoke, is basically the Emperor with a new look

-The First Order is effectively The Empire but with a different name

• The First Order, just like the Empire, is trying to forcefully conquer the galaxy
• Just like in the original Star Wars, the rebels are trying to stop the Empire. I mean, the First Order
• The First Order builds yet another Death Star. This time, bigger
• Just like in the original trilogy, the First Order uses their fancy new Death Star to blow up a planet
• Much like in the original trilogy, the rebels discover a critical flaw in this new Death Star (in a matter of seconds)
• Just like in the original trilogy, the rebels launch a combined assault on land and on the Death Star, seeking to destroy it, which they do in the exact same fashion as before

This is the laziest and most embarrassing writing in the history of Hollywood. They fundamentally cloned the last two Star Wars. How this shameless ripoff was OK'd by anyone at Disney is a freaking mystery.

To make matters worse, the story is full of cliches, tropes, plot holes, MacGuffins and, of course, the acting is truly bad across the board (with the notable exception of Adam Driver and Domhnall Gleeson). Of note is the unceremonious and pointless killing of one of the most iconic and beloved characters in movie history, Han Solo. This felt gratuitous, unsatisfying and advanced absolutely no narrative thread.

Possibly with the exception of people working in photography, VFX and sound, everyone else involved in this debacle should be tied to a pole and stoned to no end. And the fact that Kathleen Kennedy and J. J. Abrams were not immediately fired for green lighting and shooting this colossal turd of a movie is frankly depressing.

Dave Chappelle: The Dreamer (2023 TV Special)

Uninspired

[4/10 · 1 January 2024]

Let me start by saying that I think in comedy everything is game. Comedy is supposed to be absurd, over the top and comedians should make fun of us. Even if on occasion that doesn't sit well with us.

With that said, I found this special to be profoundly uninspired. I wasn't particularly invested in the controversy from the last special, but him bringing up that LGBTQ rift seemed tired, self-serving and like an episode that should have come to a close already to give way for new topics, new stories and new jokes. But opening with more of the same felt rather lazy.

Then there's the material, which I just found to not be very funny. There's no other way to put it. I loved the Chappelle Show and I found some of his past specials to be positively hilarious, but aside from a few giggles here and there, this one just wasn't funny. As simple as that. The stories, the jokes and even the delivery felt like we were all just going through the motions with him.

It's clear that Chappelle isn't everyone's cup of tea. I personally like him, but this was not a particularly fun hour.

Ricky Gervais: Armageddon (2023 TV Special)

Meh

[5/10 · 26 December 2023]

I'm somewhat of a fan. I've genuinely enjoyed some of Ricky Gervais' past specials. This one? Not so much.

I honestly don't care whether the material is appropriate or not or whether it crosses a line or not. In humor, I think it's all fair game. They're just jokes and it's all good. So I have zero issues with any of that. My issue is simply that the show was just not very inspired and ultimately not particularly funny. It wasn't bad, but there wasn't much of a coherent narrative for the show, there were many one-liners that fell quite flat, stories that weren't particularly interesting, jokes that didn't elicit anything (at least in me) and quite frankly, Ricky just seemed to be going through the motions in this show. It felt a little phoned in.

There are much better stand up shows out there than this one.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

An unmitigated dumpster fire

[3/10 · 25 December 2023]

Let me start by saying that I really wanted to like this film. Truly. But where to begin with this abomination? Let's start with the story: it's a hackneyed good vs. Bad origin story laden with cringe worthy tropes. I regularly felt like I was watching a bargain bin mashup of the worst elements of Star Wars and Guardians of the Galaxy. The pacing of the story is also dismally narcoleptic. The film just trudged slowly forward and felt remarkably boring for what should have been a fun adventure.

Then there's the characters. Or the lack thereof. They're trite, unrelatable, stereotypical and consistently at the mercy of a ghastly script that's regularly, unintentionally funny.

The direction is no better, I'm afraid. The action sequences are clumsy and severely lacking in both panache and credibility. There are countless B-movie-like green screen shots that just didn't work out in creating the art style and atmosphere the Snyder achieved in 300. Then there's the use and abuse of tired old bullet-time moments that looked great in the Matrix 20+ years ago, but not anymore. And notably, considering it's a Zack Snyder film, I was surprised by how poor the photography was.

The acting is, of course, subpar across the board. With this script, these people never had a shot, but they couldn't even live up to poor script expectations. Not a single one of them delivers a credible performance. There's an overarching feeling of everyone phoning it in throughout the film.

Sadly, nothing came together in Rebel Moon. This is an absolute train wreck of a film, even below par for Netflix, which is quite the accomplishment.

Napoleon (2023)

Oh, dear...

[4/10 · 11 December 2023]

What a colossal misfire. The photography, set pieces and wardrobe are spectacular, and Vanessa Kirby delivers a solid performance.

But the rest of the film is plain old bad. The story is very disjointedly told, the pacing is awkward and clearly butchered in the cutting room, the characters have no depth and are really hard to get invested in, and the script is trite, tired and frankly funny at times, for all the wrong reasons. All of this ultimately leads to a very boring film that is hard to connect with.

Then there's Napoleon himself, portrayed as a narcoleptic, 30-second lover, caricature of a man that's hard not to laugh at. And finally we have Joaquin Phoenix's rendition of Napoleon. I think Phoenix is one of the great actors of our generation, but his performance is absolutely dismal, which I attribute to two things: one way or another, he clearly didn't click with the character, and he was also given a dog crap script to work with, which no actor, no matter how talented, can turn into gold.

The Ridley Scott of the last 30 years is a mere shadow of the director he was early in his career.

The Killer (2023)

Weak

[5/10 · 17 November 2023]

There are slow-burn films that take their time, make the journey meticulous, deliberately, with every frame existing for a reason. Just like with any other film style, those can be good, mediocre or bad.

The Killer is definitely on the mediocre to bad end of the spectrum.

There's nothing terribly wrong with the movie: the story is simple and trite but workable, the script is passable and even decent at times, a couple of the characters have a touch of personality (save for the protagonist), and the direction is OK. The problem is that there isn't anything particularly good, or simply good, about The Killer. Nothing ever stands out and that's aggravated by the cardinal mistake that no form of entertainment should be guilty of: being boring. The Killer is indeed a boring film. Not because it's a slow-burn, but because it's really, really flat, with little to nothing ever eliciting any emotions or much engagement at all from the viewer.

Blue Eye Samurai (2023)

Exceptional

[10/10 · 6 November 2023]

Without hyperbole, probably one of the best animated shows I've ever watched.

Everything in Blue Eye Samurai just works. The writing and character development are remarkably on point. The characters have panache, personality, they're incredibly easy to relate to and just feel natural and right in this world. The animations are elegant, well-directed and congruent. The story is simple but captivating, really nicely paced and capped by a couple of lovely twists. The set pieces are gorgeous. The soundtrack is spectacular. Everything in this show came together harmoniously and organically. I cannot recommend this enough. Whether you're into animated shows or not, give this a try. It will do so much more than not disappoint.

Ahsoka (2023– )

Not very good at all

[3/10 · 1 September 2023]

I really, really wanted to like this. Ahsoka looks super-cool and the setting is perfect to tell some amazing stories. But 3 episodes in, absolutely nothing came together. And for me, these have been a pretty boring first three hours. Let me unpack a few thoughts.

First of all, Ahsoka: she's monotone, quite frankly boring, there's zero character development and there's positively nothing interesting or relatable about her. It's hard to care when the main character gives you absolutely nothing beyond a couple of relatively lackluster light saber fights.

Then there's her sidekick, Sabine. She is a compendium of teeny cliches, impervious to light saber stabbing and devoid of any depth. She has a little more of a backstory than Ahsoka, but it's hackneyed and overused.

The story is profoundly unimaginative and a chore to digest The dialogues are shallow, forgettable and occasionally cringe worthy. There's no sense of urgency or impending doom, no clear arc, no destination and frankly no purpose for the show or most of the characters.

Most of the action sequences, which should have been an easy win, leave a lot to be desired. The main actors clearly aren't up to snuff and more stunt doubles should have been used. Some of those action sequences are real eye sores, with multiple moments of clumsy choreography or even goofy out of space combat that will inevitably raise some eye brows.

The one redeeming quality of the show, thus far, is the baddies. It's not that they're great, but they have an order of magnitude more personality and panache than Ahsoka and her pals. It almost feels like they have their own photography and art direction. While they sadly also seem to be at the mercy of the same writers, they do feel pretty cool and I feel slightly curious to see more of them.

Thus far, another squandered opportunity by Disney with one of the coolest IPs in the world. Here's to hoping that this picks up next season with a complete new writing team.

Heart of Stone (I) (2023)

Laughably bad

[3/10 · 12 August 2023]

Your typical Netflix exclusive action film: a woefully overfunded amateur project with zero artistry, zero creativity and egregious execution.

Let me break down this atrocity for you. Script: cringy, hackneyed and phoned in by ChatGPT's illiterate Pentium III cousin. The characters: unidimensional, underdeveloped, hard to relate to and quite frankly asinine. The story: boring and regurgitated; nothing here you haven't seen a million times. The direction and editing: sophomoric, clumsy, rushed and goofy. The special effects: straight out of a Playstation 3 a decade ago. The acting: oh, my. I want to like Gal Gadot, but she has the range of a log and it's honestly hard to see her fumble so much.

Don't. Just... don't.

Resident Evil (2002)

Cringeworthy

[3/10 · 1 June 2023]

The material and the foundation for a great film are there, but Resident Evil is almost comedically bad. Let's break it down.

The script: laughably, and I mean LAUGHABLY bad. It doesn't get any more cringey, tacky and idiotic than this. Anderson really set a new standard for bad with this one.

The characters: flat, unidimensional, dumb and disposable. There's nothing compelling about any of these asinine characters.

The acting: hands down, some of the worst acting you've seen since The Room. In the actors' defense, it's hard to deliver a great performance when the script is impossibly stupid.

The directing: every B-movie directorial trope in the book was used and abused here: the suprise! (TM) moments, the goofy closeups for one-liners, the kitschy high BPM music slapping you across the face before every action sequence, and more. Truly cringeworthy stuff.

Skip this hot mess.

Beef (2023– )

Excellent mini-series!

[8/10 · 27 May 2023]

What a puff of fresh air. A simple premise brought to life through great character development, script, narrative pacing and terrific acting. This is the opposite of what you get with most TV content nowadays and it truly deserves credit for that.

To me, what really made this stand out was how levity gave way to a deep theme and grim tone throughout the episodes. The series starts as a lighthearted comedy, then progressively introduces nuanced, powerful and insightful perspectives about the common challenges of being human, and ultimately culminates in a truly harrowing way. It's genuinely rare to see such narrative creativity on TV.

Of course, this was a tight, clean mini-series with no reason, at all, to come back for a season 2. Given that it's a Netflix show, I'm sure it will. And I'm sure it will pale in comparison to these wonderful 9 episodes.

The Wandering Earth (2019)

Massive disappointment

[3/10 · 12 March 2023]

I like Chinese films and, on paper, this movie should have been a slam dunk: a great story by one of the best sci-fi writers alive, a handsome budget, great photography, moments of quality CGI... but no. Almost everything that could have gone wrong went wrong here.

The premise is terrific, but completely squandered with truly clumsy direction. Poorly paced and predictable narrative progression. Terrible script. Awful acting across the board. Painfully out of sync voice overs. Goofy characters. Narrative tropes as far as the eye can see. Just... truly terrible execution across the board.

Hard pass on this one.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Brainless fun

[5/10 · 10 March 2023]

Getting the bad out of the way quickly: awful script and ghastly acting across the board. Truly cringeworthy stuff.

But it's actually an alright bit of fun for a B-movie. You have the landmark characters, decent CGI and plenty of fights that are actually kind of cool. It's not a memorable cinematographic experience, but MK more or less does what it's supposed to do and I bet that, with a little good will, the fans will enjoy.

Not much more to say. 600 characters for a movie like this is asking for a lot, but I suppose I'd say: watch guilt-free and for free on your streaming service du jour and it's all good.

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Shyamalan 101

[5/10 · 25 February 2023]

Shyamalan has two clear talents. The first one is coming up with really interesting, really creative premises for his movies, like The Sixth Sense, Old and others. His second talent unfortunately is to assertively squander those premises through a combination of mediocre script writing, poor character development and forgettable direction.

Knock at the Cabin is unfortunately yet another quintessential Shyamalan film. It has a simple but really compelling idea that never lives up to its potential. The actors are mostly solid, the pacing is decent and the cinematography is alright.

What hurts the film is the lack of quality execution. This thriller begged for more ambiguity behind the perpetrators' motives, more conflict from the family, more character development to relate on some level to the attackers, and more plot twists, which were right there for the taking and of which there were none in the film.

Is this watchable? Absolutely. You just have to be clear that you're singing up for 90 minutes of Shyamalan.

Warriors of Future (2022)

Really bad

[3/10 · 4 December 2022]

I very much enjoy Chinese films and I hardly begrudge them pursuing the occasional formulaic Western-like action film. Unfortunately though, Warriors of the Future takes every soulless trope that Hollywood has to offer and amplifies it with genuinely dreadful execution.

The story is shallow and nothing that we haven't seen a million times over. The characters are hackneyed, hyperbolic and frankly goofy. The script is sophomoric and cringe-inducing. The acting is so bad, so robotic, that it's almost funny at times. The direction and editing are lazy and uninspired. The audio is regularly out of sync. The list goes on and on.

There are redeeming qualities in some of the CGI, moments in the photography and a few action sequences, but nowhere near enough to warrant watching this hot mess. I strongly encourage you to do something else with your time.

The Good Nurse (2022)

Flat

[5/10 · 10 November 2022]

Solid acting across the board. Other than that, the movie never really peaks.

Without knowing the real story, you know 5 minutes into the movie exactly what's happening and how the movie is going to unfold, there's no real drama, little to no character development, no gripping moments, no climax, no compelling resolution, not much of anything. That makes the movie somewhat boring and I wish the writers had taken some creative liberties to add some more color to the real story and make the film a little more engaging.

It's not a bad movie. You're not going to hate it. But you're also going to automatically forget about it.

Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022)

A bit flat but charming

[5/10 · 20 October 2022]

Lyle is an absolutely adorable character. And Javier Bardem and Constance Wu deliver excellent performances. All in all, it was a moderately enjoyable affair.

What kept Lyle from reaching its potential were the story, the pacing and the songs. The story lacks an antagonist, a threat, some kind of objective that looms large. And that absence is felt, with multiple moments begging the question "wonderful characters, but what is this all about ultimately?".

The pacing was a little off, with really exciting moments followed by long, trudging luls. While everyone was so very incredibly charming, the movie did feel boring at times.

Finally, the missed opportunity is the songs. They're simply not iconic. I still remember songs from Frozen, Moana, Encanto and others, but I'm confident that I won't remember any of the tunes from Lyle.

This may not read like a particularly flattering review and that's not my intention. I though Lyle was nice, but not particularly so. I might just be spoiled by what seems like so many other exceptionally good animation films these past few years.

Morbius (2022)

An absolute cinematographic debacle

[2/10 · 14 September 2022]

I don't even know where to begin. The boring and formulaic story? The asinine characters? The hackneyed script? The cringeworthy CGI? The terrible combat scenes?

This is truly a special film. Hollywood puts out turds with shocking regularity, but seldom one that checks every single box like this one.

Things that you'd be better off doing than watch this hot garbage: licking a nail, learning how to speak through your nostrils, staring at that slightly crooked ladle in the kitchen, dyeing your ear hair, building your very own monster truck, carving a football out of soap bar, and more. Many more. Pretty much anything else.

The Northman (2022)

A lot to like, but ultimately not enough

[6/10 · 7 September 2022]

The Northman stands out. It's raw, real, the photography is great, there's some decent acting and I think it treats Norse mythology with creativity and respect.

But at the same time, it's a very tropey story of revenge, the characters and their relationships are consistently underdeveloped, the pacing feels rudderless at times, there are some pretty uninspired performances and the narrative just plays out by the numbers, fading into a forgettable closing that leaves you wondering if the 2-hour investment was worth it.

It's hard to recommend or caution against. I think this might be a matter of personal taste.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

A comedic dumpster fire

[2/10 · 5 September 2022]

There's a problem in Hollywood, and that problem is us. The viewers. We have made it abundantly clear with our wallets that we don't want innovation, we don't want creativity, we don't want artistry and we're not interested in any kind of cinema that takes risks.

"Well, shut up. That's not true", you may be thinking. "I have taste and a measure of sophistication and I do appreciate creative films". Well let me ask you this then: where do our dollars truly go? To sequels or to indie films? To multi-hundred million dollar superhero CGI fests or to films that tell great stories? To cars jumping out of exploding planes or to moving scripts with well developed characters?

Hollywood is dumb. And it's not its fault. They just follow the money. The onus of demanding quality filmmaking is on us. And the only way to make that happen is with our wallets. We need to stop showing up at the box office for dumb "blockbuster" movies and start supporting real creators, so that we may never be subjected again to a movie like Jurassic World Dominion.