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lynniepinnie22
Reviews
What/If (2019)
Dear oh dear
5 years late to the party, but I thought was short of something to watch, and thought, 'how bad can it be?' Answer? VERY! The first episode was fine, but it was downhill from then. To begin with, this is billed as an 'anthology' - but it was more a serial, with one story for the whole ten episodes. You didn't misread me; I said TEN!!
By 6th, I was losing the will to live, but I persevered, thinking, it HAD to get better. Nope, it just got more pathetic, boring and pointless. Characters I didn't care about. Characters who were superfluous to the story, (the dr and her husband's story was slightly more interesting than the 'main event' - but in actuality, a totally different story). The only person I REALLY liked, was Lisa's brother! Though, having said that, the LSD scene was CRINGE-WORTHY! And ALSO, pointless, adding nothing to the story.
The actress playing Lisa seemed a decade too young for the part. A billion $ medical company from someone barely in her 40s seemed faintly ridiculous. There is a reason it takes a long time to qualify as any sort of scientist...
And Sean's backstory? A
The whole thing could've been done, and done better, in 6 or even 4 eps. They could've scrapped the extraneous characters who had NOTHING to do with the story, and ditched the flashbacks that told us little.
Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022)
Singin' in the Rain did it first - and better !
The first Downton film was bad. I thought 'A New Era' couldn't possibly be worse - just proves what thought did.
Having re watched Singin' in the Rain just that very day, I couldn't believe the audacious plagiarism in front of me. From the 'shock' of finding the leading lady, Myrna (a la Lina Lamont) was in fact a Cockney with the inability to act in a 'talkie' to the lightbulb moment of getting Mary to dub. It wasn't even as if Singin in the Rain was used for inspiration - they blatantly ripped it off - badly. If you can't improve on the original, why try to?
Of course, that wasn't my only issue with New Era. Though it IS sacrilege to rip of a Golden Age of Hollywood movie. It was like Downton had become a pastiche of itself. Wooden script and wooden acting led to a snoozefest of a film. And some of the lines were cringeworthy - 'she's fading fast' yelled Danke. Not as fast as the ratings for this film! Awful.
In the Earth (2021)
Oh my days...avoid at all costs
Had high hopes when I started this film. Had an air of originality about it that intrigued me. Even when Martin and Alma first met Zach, it STILL held my interest. Then it quickly fell apart. It was like they suddenly changed writers who had VERY different ideas of where to take the story - down the road to nowhere.
Nothing made sense, and worse, you never found out WHY nothing made sense. Things were happening for no obvious reason. Zach had Martin & Alma in the shrouds, out of the shrouds, back IN the shrouds. Why? Who knows? And WHY did Martin allow Zach to chop his toes off? The wound was on the sole of his foot - surely the infection would spread upwards??
Another nonsensical element was when in Dr Wendel's camp and they couldn't leave because of the mist. They couldn't leave, but Zach could enter? HOW? He had no suit on. Again, no explanation was given.
And the end. Oh the end. The last 10 minutes it defied expectation - and got even worse. Martin, for reasons known only to the writer, decides to drink the 'mushroom milk' that could easily be toxic! And then came the strobes which made ANY chance of seeing what was happening impossible. Though by now, my head was spinning as if I'D drank magic mushrooms!!
Then came blessed relief with the end of this film. I was none the wiser, with no clue of what it was all about. Tbh, I was just happy my suffering was over...
Departure (2019)
People were actually PAID for this?
Only just watched series 1 of this 'thriller', and I have to question why I sat through all 6 episodes of this drivel.
The story itself isn't bad, but that is where my praise starts and finishes. Badly written, badly directed and very badly acted. Its like the whole cast 'vanished' and they scooped up a dozen people off the street to fill in.
Full of holes, stupid mistakes (Kendra goes to the graveyard in a taxi, then leaves in her car!) and a fight scene that had me howling with laughter. It was predictable, and, if this is what the rest of the world thinks we're like in the UK, then THEY are laughing at US too,
There is a series 2...and, worryingly, a 3. But I think if I'm EVER desperate enough to want to watch them? I'll but a tin of paint ad a tiny brush and I'll finf a big, big, wall...This sucked the life-force outr of anone who watches. AVOID!!
The White Queen (2013)
Put off by inaccuracies
I admit I only watched White Queen for a short time, but that was because I was totally distracted by Elizabeth's long flowing CRIMPED hair. I thought if they can get something like that so spectacularly wrong, how can they get the history right? I know it may be nitpicky, but I was just really put off by it. Surely the hair dept should've know electric crimpers weren't around in the 15th century?
In Fear (2013)
This is a baaad film
SPOILERS In Fear; dearie dearie me. This is not a good movie. And for lots of reasons. Firstly, why do directors feel it is necessary to have it so dark that you can't see what is going on? That is the first of many, many, MANY faults that In Fear has. If you can't see the action, how the golly gosh do you fathom what is happening? Now, Alice Englert in Beautiful Creatures was rather good. In this, she was rather bad. Her accent was somewhere between Scottish and Essex-ish, but failing at both. It wasn't really her fault; some of her lines didn't give her much to work with. Eg, 'TOM TOM, TOM TOM' and then there was 'TOM TOM TOM TOM'. She was on a hiding to nothing. To be fair, in the beginning, I had high hopes. The peep hole in the loo, the weird quotes in the cubicle. The 'lets go to a remote hotel' then the couple ending up at the same gate over and over all had me curious, and hoping to be proper scared. It wasn't to be. OK, the first few events, such as the hair pulling, the clothes in the road, the scarecrow, did make me feel spooked, but then it went nowhere, a bit like their journey, the story went round in circles. When they finally picked up Max I thought things would get going. But nope, there was more of the same. They kept alluding to 'something' that happened at the pub, that made 'them' go after them, but never really explained. Then it all got a bit daft. SPOILER Max said he'd created the website for the none- existent hotel, but never said why. It never explained how he got Lucy's clothes, how he got them to go round in circles. How he pulled her hair without being seen. How he got Tom in the boot so rapidly and hooked up to the hose. And why he did it all. Was he a ghost? Were they? Do we care? I felt like putting my foot through the screen. Anyone can write a story if you don't have to some kind of conclusion. I was left feeling cheated. I should have watched The Conjuring instead.
The Other Wife (2012)
Oh golly gosh; how bad was this?
Because John Hannah and Rupes were in this, I figured I'd give it a go, even though it isn't to my usual taste. Oh dear, five minutes in, and I knew it was going to be baaaad. To begin my list of gripes, I'll write of the acting. To say it was bad isn't doing it justice. It was ATROCIOUS. Wooden, and devoid of expression, (both voice and facial expression were lacking), it was on to a terrible start. It was a bit like it had been dubbed, (and I really do think some of the actors' voices were changed) even though they were clearly speaking English. Of course, and actor is only as good as their script, and this too was woefully inadequate. Clunky, clichéd lines, and characters' picked straight out of a Victorian melodrama. All Rupert Everet needed was a mustache to twirl! And every soapy device in the book was used. Sister steals boyfriend, TICK, a father who abandoned his child nearly dies, cue emotional reunion, where the true meaning of family is discovered...and more, oh much more. Then there were the ballet segments. First, whomever wrote/directed this, clearly has no idea of how a ballet company is run. So didn't bother doing the research and guessed: wrongly. Even the Romeo and Juliet music was the wrong version. Prokofiev is the ballet version. Tchaikovsky's is more a symphony. It isn't a full length ballet. Finally, the child in it. He must be related to someone, because a worse child actor I haven't seen. It was like he read from cue cards, though at least he had the excuse of BEING a child and therefore inexperienced. How this ever got made is beyond me. Why I continued to watch is a bigger mystery. For goodness sake, there are so many talented writers, directors and actors out there. Use them, for all our sakes