Change Your Image
tomkidding-dot-com
Reviews
Maria Full of Grace (2004)
From a life that's hard to swallow, to drugs that are hard to swallow.
I really liked this movie a lot. It's refreshing to come across a compelling human drama that is told in such an incredibly honest and unexaggerated fashion that it ends up feeling wonderfully real and completely believable. The rather straightforward story only makes the movie feel more convincing - not at all contrived.
Maria Alvarez, played by previous unknown Catalina Sandino Moreno, is a seventeen year old who falls into the sticky-sweet trap of seeking a quick escape from the drudgery and hopelessness of her mundane existence. She turns to drugs. Not using them, though - smuggling them. Working as a drug mule offers her the chance at easy money. But, like most young people, she dives into it headlong - without fully realizing the risks and possible consequences. In fact, this movie really is all about young people stumbling over their own poor judgements (yes, it can be painful to watch at times).
Given all the hype that surrounded this movie when it was released, I found it to be not quite as harrowing as I had expected. Perhaps I'm just too jaded and desensitized. In truth, there were moments where I felt genuinely afraid for Maria. Mostly, though, there was just a real sense of the despair and desperation that fills the lives of these young Colombians. Perhaps this movie will, after all, not be the centerpiece of the Colombia Tourism Board's upcoming marketing and public relations campaign.
In the spirit of keeping it genuine (aka believable), all the acting in this movie is right on the mark - all the actors deliver. Of course, Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria) is so graced with natural beauty and she projects such a gentle and humble manner that one can't really help but feel empathy for her character. In fact, if there is anything to find fault with in the casting of her as Maria, it's that you're left wondering why her boyfriend would be such a God-damned idiot as to pass her up. If he had even an ant's worth of common sense, he would be madly in love with her. Not? So, that's the one element that doesn't gel so well.
The moody and melancholic music throughout this film - with plenty of beautiful acoustic guitar playing - supports the emotional content of the movie perfectly. Thankfully, it doesn't overtly bang you on the head with "feel sad here", and "feel scared here", and "feel relieved here". It sinks back a bit to find its harmony with the other elements. Nice.
The cinematography is beautiful in its simplicity and its understated manner. The word "modest" - in its best sense - serves well in describing this movie. Overall, it's just not as heavily stylized as other the-perils-of-getting-involved-with-drugs type movies - such as "Requiem For a Dream", "Traffic", "Blow", and "City of God", to name but a few - and with little of the annoying moralizing that tends to poison movies of this "genre".
In conclusion, most of us have already learned in life that one shouldn't be an ass. What this movie teaches us is that it's also not a good idea to be a mule.
Van Helsing (2004)
Eye candy so sweet, it'll send you into the fantasy film buff's equivalent of a diabetic coma.
Eye candy so sweet, the sugar shock will send you into the fantasy film buff's equivalent of a diabetic coma. As a medically necessary antidote, follow this movie up with a chaser of "Dancing at Lughnasa" - or some other equally slow paced yawner - so that you can bear to make it through another unfantastical day of your normal, boring, real human life without unconsciously resorting to wrapping your teeth around some hapless unsuspecting co-worker's neck in search of a desperate shot of excitement - vampire style.
No sh**, man! This single movie has enough computer generated graphics special effects to power a thousand pyrotechnical, body-morphing, fantasy world conjuring, beast-enabled fight scene plastered, adrenalin pumping, camera swishing, sorry-we-forgot-the-storyline action spectaculars. It's wall to wall on this one. Not content with a mere two hours of non-stop CG assault on your senses, they even found a way to squeeze entire full length computer generated action movie features between each frame. Try it. Slow down the movie enough on your player and you'll see what I'm talking about. It's insane! (OK, made you look. Nye, nye, nye-nye, nye) You need to watch this movie inside a hyperbaric chamber, being bathed in high pressure oxygen rich air osmotically carrying oxygen into your bloodstream, because there's just no good moment to take a breath. I'd like to see a version of this movie cut with 5 second pauses at 1 minute intervals. That way you could take a deep breath and hold it for every step of the way. Every minute there'd be a black screen with huge text saying "Now breath in deep". It would be released as "Van Helsing: Survival Edition", with the catchphrase "Now You Can Breathe (TM)".
Alright, nuff said. Not suggesting that you avoid this movie. It was actually quite delicious to look at, and I had fun with it (I'm sure someone's going to ream me for admitting that, but WTF). By far the star of the show was Dr. Frankenstein's monster - the only real compelling emotional element in all of it. Van Helsing's sidekick also adds a bit of flavor, of the levity variety. Otherwise, it's just eye candy. But ever so schweet! It's kind of like in that episode of the Simpsons where Bart and Milhouse score a $20 bill and immediately proceed to the Kwik-e-mart to order a squishy from Apu that's made entirely from 100% syrup. Ingestion of said squishy sends Bart and Milhouse on a psychedelic sugar-induced trip and, next morning, Bart discovers he's joined the Boy Scouts. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I won't bother to go into the plot of this movie, since it's so minimal that even a mere sentence on the plot could be considered a spoiler. You have to see this movie to believe it. The visuals are just so unbelievably out of control. Who needs 'shrooms when you can trip out on this kind of stuff? Sure, the dialog is stooooooopid. Sure, the story is no more than a wee teeny tiny little idea adorned with a katrillion dollars' worth of effects magic. But, sweet eye candy... arrrrrrgrgggrghhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......